Hope it goes well and I have found the book helpful and also great to hear that people feel the same as us - let me know how work goes love to you xxx
Hello everyone. SallyOwl1 are you able to let me know the name of the book you are finding useful please?
The darkness is not helping is it? Has anyone tried a light box?
Hope you are all coping today.
X
Hi there, the book is called
Itâs okay that your not okay by Megan Devine
I have found it good but I dip in and. Out of it when I can face reading. A light box is a good idea may give that a go. We all could do with any ideas Iâm sure just to give us even a small amount of time that is bearable. We have decided to go away boxing day and fly home NYE so we are in the air at 12 I know itâs not for everyone but just looking for ways to get through it. Love to all xxx
Hi Helen and all I have just got around to reading all your messages, as I have been very sick and have been un hospital for a week, and am awaiting a gall bladder operation in a few weeks. While I was in hospital I was just so depressed think about my lovely Dawn and how she was suffering. I kept trying to get her to eat something and she refused every time , now I know why ,she must have been feeling so so sick and this is how I felt I did not want to eat or drink anything. believe it or not it was too painful to even think about her, as I know I would start crying and not stop. Helen the only good that came out of it, is that Sarah came into the hospital straight away, I ask her if we were ok? but said we would have to sit down and talk at some point, which I realy do not want to do , but she has asked us round for xmas dinner. So sorry you still have not made up with Gerraint. Looking at all your post I know we all hate this time of year with all the anniversarys looming and the dreaded xmas. We were going away but not much hope now , and I still do not feel like putting up decs as we have nothing to celebrate. Thinking of you all Maddie x.
Dear Maddie and all,
I hope youâre feeling better, Maddie.
It must be so hard feeling poorly and thinking of Dawn. It is hard enough for you without feeling so physically down. Iâm so glad that Sarah came to the hospital to see you as that is a real blessing and I hope that continues and you can all have a peaceful Christmas together.
Like you I am dreading Christmas and will not be celebrating this year ⌠just too painful. Maddie I hope you are feeling a little better. Take care of yourself.
Much love to you all. xxxx
Hi Victoria, thankyou for your kind thoughts, still feeling realy down keep going over Dawns last few days she spent on this earth, and hoping my operation will not be on her anniversary Dec 11th. I donât think I will be putting up the tree this year as it has got too many bad memories when she passed when all I wanted to do was take the blessed thing down, but everyone told me not to as that is not what Dawn had wanted, but I donât think I could stand looking at it . Why is it that everything they loved is so painful to us ? What are you planning to do for the festive season. ? we were going away like last year but cannot as still waiting for a date for this dreaded op. Take care Maddie x
Hello Maddie,
You are so right Christmas is a terrible time for me also. I just literally âbungâ the tree up because of the grandchildren. Geraint still hasnât spoken so poor Hannah his wife is caught in the middle. I too like you miss Sam so so much, I am back at work on a temporary contract, they asked me to return but it will end at the end of December it has helped me a lot. I talk to Sam every day and I always get a reply back so I know he is always around me. I hope things get sorted for you with Sarah. I wish you all the very best with the operation and I think you or your husband perhaps should say something to the hospital about the date. I am sure they could help
It was lovely to talk with you a few weeks ago, you are welcome to call me again.
With love
Helen
Hi Maddie and allâŚI am so sorry Maddie that you have been so ill and hope you have not got to long to wait before you have your operation and maybe then you can take a holiday to help you recuperate.
Like yourself and Helen I have Christians first anniversary on December 4th and at the moment starting to relive every dreaded day leading up to itâŚWe are going away for the week over Christmas to try and make it easier for ourselvesâŚwe will not bother with many decorations this year apart from one rather large tree in the front garden which Christian last year was going to decorate from top to bottom in lights, unfortunately it never happened but we will do it for him this year in his memory and that will be switched on on the 4th DecâŚ
I know that Christmasâs can never be the same again for any of us on this forum,itâs impossible when there is always the most loved person missing, but hopefully in time it will get easier especially for those like Helen with grandchildren, it must be so difficult to try and put on a happy face when you are hurting so much inside.
I hope Maddie you soon start to feel betterâŚWith love to you and everyone on this site
Marina xxx
Dear Marina, Maddie, Helen and all dear mums and dads, Have been to the shops this afternoon and it is so hard to not think about the happy times when we went Christmas shopping and enjoyed all the festivities. It continues to be so very hard to know that we can no longer buy Danielâs favourite chocolates or surprise him on Christmas Day with something he wanted. I know that we have to go on and friends say he would want us to be happy. I am continuing to have such vivid dreams of him - do others also dream of their sons and daughters. If only I could believe he is somehow still with us. I know how difficult it is when then anniversaries also come around this time. So heartbreaking. I seemed to have dropped several friendships and I donât even want to send cards. Do others feel like this too? Sometimes I fell like shutting myself away and never coming out again but I know this would only. Abuse more upset to the family. The questions continue to plague me and I wonder if I could have helped Daniel more. Sending love to you all Wynne xx
Dear Wynne,
So strange I have been feeling exactly the same today. We went to a garden centre which was very Christmassy and I told my husband I canât go again until after Christmas. I just felt heartbroken and sat sobbing in the car.
I donât feel Gemma close but long to and donât dream about her either.
We are taking our grandson out for lunch on Christmas Day and I just long to go to sleep and never wake up at the moment.
So sorry I canât be positive at the moment. xxx
Hi, Wynne Victoria, and Helen , and all. yes feeling exactly the same decided not to put up the tree, but then my sister in law has convinced me other wise, so I am decorating it completely different as not to remind me of December2016 when I hated the darn thing. Like you Victoria I do not feel Dawn close and I never dream about her I donât know why she is on my mind every minute of the day. So wish December would go away and pehaps wake up in January, not that things would be any better but December is the worse month ever. Love to all Maddie xx
Itâs so sad that all of us are struggling so hard when our children loved the celebrations. It is just unbelievable how painful it is without them. We are going to my daughter to spend Xmas with grandchildren which will be happy I am determined to play the best happy part I can for them. We are then flying to Vegas on boxing Day as I canât bare coming home for the new year and are flying back new years eve so will be in the air at 12 I just want to be invisible somewhere that no one gives a damn who you are. My husband would not have chosen this and would have rode the waves over the new year but I cant. We all have to just do whatever makes it a bit more barrable. I do not dream of Sam either but my younger daughter does all the time and shares these dreams with me often. Love to all, keep doing what you can.
Sal xxx
Hello All who are suffering the intolerable of loosing a son or daughter. What feels like constant unbearable agony, is much worse at this time of year and the thought of another Christmas without our precious children is so difficult to even think about. For those of you who also have an anniversary around this time, there are no wordsâŚ
I hope you can focus on happy memories.
The feeling of wanting to be swallowed up, run for the hills, close our eyes and not wake up, wishing to turn back the clock and change things. But reality is we canât do those things. We will have to face it, play act and pretend, lock ourselves away or go on a trip, cope in whatever way we can while inside we are destroyed. Putting up the decorations are part of the play acting. Family and friends will think we are coping. I donât want to spoil anyone elseâs Christmas by showing my sadness. Our children would not want us to be sad and suffer. They are part of us and always will be. They are with us Iâm sure.
Last Sunday my husband and I went to a 100th remembrance service. One of the hymns was my daughterâs favourite and was sung at her wedding. The other hymn was my Grandmaâs favourite. I believe they were both with us that dayâŚ
Sending love to everyone and strength to cope.
xx
Hello Bir, Wynne, Maddie Victoria, and Sally and all other mums and dadâs reading this, Like you all I am struggling with Christmas, Sam died on the 9th December so we go away with friends to Cornwall, somewhere that Sam loved for a few days before and a few days after the anniversary. I am dreading Christmas especially with the way things are with Geraint as well but, no doubt Sam will push me on. I have 5 grandchildren to see and buy for so I have no choice like you all I wish I could curly up somewhere and wait until all the festivities were over but I canât. My sister in law and brother in law will come over Boxing Day and when they say to me I know how youâre feeling they certainly doâŚthey lost their son Ben who was 30 in a football accident nearly 4 years ago and for Gloria and Clive the pain
doesnât lessen but like she said they keep trying. We all go away in September together and have as best a time as we can. Like you Bir I shall be play acting the part while inside Iâm being torn apart.
With love to you all, letâs hope we manage to get through Christmas!! Helen
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Dear bir I loved reading this and found it very positive thank you for your words and reference to the songs you heard
It lifted me
Salx
Hi Sally, Iâm glad it helped. We are constantly looking for something to comfort us. Anything big or small is so welcome. I often hear a song being played on the radio at a significant time and when this occurs, I know my daughter is near. We too will go away between Christmas and New Year so we get through it.
Helen, I do hope you can get through the coming weeks.
I am so grateful for the continuing support from everyone who posts to this site. Itâs like having real conversations with understanding friends when we need it. Something which is lacking in our day to day life.
Xx
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Hello everyone here,
It is now two years since the death of my son Chris. In many ways I feel stronger, I have things in place to enable me to face the day ahead, my lovely puppy who gets me up in the morning, and out meeting people. I am attending a course which will enable me to volunteer for the hospices, which I am really enjoying.
But the intense pain, emotional and physical is still there - different from last year, in sharper focus and more acute - last year was more of a fog. I realise this is how it will be . How can we ever get over the loss of a precious child.
My love goes out to you all, Anneka x
Hi Anneka, I glad you have coped (if you can call it that?) with the 2nd anniversary when your wonderful son Chris passed. I am glad you are feling it bit stronger, you are right the only way we can get through this terrible ordeal is to keep ourselves busy, but the pain is always there , and it only takes the smallest of something to reduce me to tears, especialy with Dawns 2nd anniversary coming up December 11th. You are right last year was a sort of fog just in total shock, this year has been harder as I know she is not coming back. At least I am getting my operation out of the way next Friday and will hopfully be able to buy her a balloon and sit by one of her resting places we have for her. Sending love to you and all Maddie xx
Hello Anneka and Dawn,
Like you both, everything is in sharper focus. Samâs anniversary is on the 9th December, we will go away this year like last to Cornwall somewhere Sam loved. For me like you both the pain will always be there all we can do is learn to cope alongside the grief, we will never get over losing our sons and daughters because it isnât the natural order we just learn to walk alongside the grief and cope as best we can.
with love Helen
Hi Helen, will be thinking of you all on the 9th, I hope you find some comfort in cornwall. I am in for my operation tomorrow, so will not be able to go anywhere on Dawns anniversary on the 11th. Hugs Maddie xx