I don’t think it matters what circumstances we loose our children in. The fact we lost them, is cause enough to feel guilt. I don’t know why that is. For at least the first 3/4years I suffered from terrible guilt. I think it’s just a human default mode. Probably an instinct thing. However I have to say eventually the guilt does fade. I think or should I say in my personal experience when you first loose your child you can not control your emotions. They control you. Constantly feeling sad, upset, guilt, anger,. Endlessly looking for answers. I was completely broken for a long time. But you do reach a point when the scales tip the other way. You can get to a place that you can control your emotions. I can still break down and cry. But I can keep it in check. Things. Music, films, places, people, memories are always going to be trigger points.
I felt alienated for a long time, I didn’t think there was a place in society for me. You can never get over your loss. You have to carry it with you for the rest of your life. But you can smile again. You can feel like you belong again. When I think back to when I first lost my son I was in an absolute terrible place . Never ever though I could find my way back. But you do. Some quicker than others. But you definitely reach a better place than how you feel in the beginning. Every journey starts with the first step and then you just keep going. Eventually you can look back and see how far you have come. Take care. Jim
Thank you Jim for all your wisdom and insights. Your honesty is really helpful and hopeful to me. Your words are a tonic. Hugs xxxx
I think that when you lose a child, the shock and pain is so great that it feels almost as though our brains are unable to process what has happened. We are all over the place, every type of emotion … sadness, guilt … pain … anger. It takes a long while for everything to settle down and we become more at peace again.
But it is always there, all the emotions and pain bubbling under the surface xxx
Hi all .
Nell you talk so much sense . Its just a very wicked journey . Saw my daughter today she only lives round the corner she had sams tshirt on she was sobbing i cant believe its real mum .they was stuck like glue .the carnage loosing your child causes . The whole family destroyed my little grandson was sobbing what can we do about it nanny . What do you say hes 9. Spent everyday with uncle sam . My grandaughter 4 . She tells me sam watches her playing . Oh its so cruel .so cruel big hugs zoe x
Hi kate
Glad you had a lovely break with brooke
Be thinking of you all tomorrow on Lisa’s birthday. Sending you a big hug my frriend love zoe 
I know what you mean about it all destroying families. I look at my grandkids (15 and 16) and they are putting a brave face on but they lost their mum overnight and their whole lives changed in the blink of an eye. We are all the walking wounded. I’m hoping that because they are young they will be more resilient than me! I’d like to see them doing more with their friends and having some fun, which they so richly deserve. I want them to come to me for what they would have gone to my daughter for. Both me and those girls have to keep on keeping on. Things are improving, slowly, slowly. I’m grateful for that. Very best wishes and hugs to you xxxx
This says it all. I’ve got full marks cos I’ve got all the issues! Seriously tho it is a really good representation of what we are going through. I’m gonna forward it to friends and put a copy on my fridge. Thank you for posting it xxxxx
Hi Kate, Thinking of both you and your darling daughter. “Happy Birthday Lisa”
God Bless…Marina xxx
Thankyou dear friend. Its so hard. Just back from a walk in the forest with the dogs before it gets too hot. I was just fine then suddenly the tears were pouring down my cheeks.
So unfair we have lost our beautiful children but thank goodness we all found each other here.
Much love
Kate xx
Dear Kate, thinking of you all today, you, Alan, Brooke, Jamie, Jemma. But especially sending birthday greetings to your darling Lisa. She will always be with you, in your heart and all around you.
So much love Ann xx
Dearest Kate, thinking of you all today especially on Lisa’s birthday. Much love to you 
Dear Kate and family , thinking of you all today . And happy heavenly birthday to Lisa .Will be Dawns birthday on the 15th , how the i time passes so quickly with out our Darling loved ones Sending love Maddie xxx
Hi Kate I just wanted to say happy birthday to your loving daughter Lisa. It’s hard I know but may today be whatever you wish it to be. Do what you feel whether it’s laughing, smiling, crying or both.
Thankyou Maddie. Not having a good day. Lots of tears but nothing we can do.
Will be thinking of you too next Friday.
Much love,
Kate xx
Thankyou dear friend. Lots of tears but OK. Tomorrow is another day.
Lots of love to you.
Kate xx
Love to you too. Thankyou.xxxx
Thankyou Ann. We all wish we could turn back time and have the lovely Birthdays we had with our children. Sadly for us this can’t be but we are truly grateful to have brought them into the world and seen them grow into the wonderful adults they had become. Forever young.
Lots of love
Kate xx
Sorry trying to copy and paste meant to post on here but posted on losing a grown-up child.