Oh bless you I’m so glad you the the plunge to go and try and enjoy it I’m struggling to go places and to try and enjoy stuff the guilt comes and I break down in tears as I shudnt be enjoying myself I’m struggling really bad with this I’m trying to find a way to not feel such guilt by wanting to try and enjoy the normal everyday things in life but I’m so glad you enjoyed it XX 
love shellyanne
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Well done, Racy … that is a big hurdle to get over. So proud of you! I really struggled with going out after we lost Gemma. I used to feel so guilty and feel that I shouldn’t be going out and enjoying myself when she couldn’t. Although I do go out and enjoy myself now, there are still some times when I have to find a quiet corner, take a few big breaths then regroup and that will probably always be the case. We are never the same people that we were before and we can only do our best.
Shellyann, just do things at your own pace as we are all so different and you will know what is right for you. It will come.
Much love to you all xxx
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Thank you Victoria is so nice coming on here knowing you get the love and support we all need I’m so glad I joined I look forward to coming on reading all these posts knowing we are all grieving together and we are not on our own at this dreadful time in our lives take care everyone sending love and hugs. Shellyanne XX
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Thank you Victoria it felt really good, hopefully it lasts but if it doesn’t I enjoyed that day!
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Shellyanne, thank-you. I remember posting on here months back that I had laughed and I felt guilty about it and that was just laughing! I remember the support and advice that was given to me at that time which was so needed. When I was out yesterday a thought did come across my mind as far as being out having a good time without my son being here, but I replaced that negative thought with my son would be glad I am doing this.
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Okish. I’m not crying all day and I can even think of something else at times. I’m getting out more and decorating in bursts of energy. Life has calmed down considerably. My grandkids now have a new home and that’s meant I am on better terms with their dad. To an outsider it looks like I’m fine. Im not fine yet, but I do feel less tortured. Im doing better than I would have thought possible in January, but I’m aware it’s still a lifelong journey with all ups and downs. I still miss her very very badly, but now things aren’t so raw I am on the first tiny steps to slowly slowly accept what can’t be changed. Tho it makes me shiver to say that, and it feels disloyal but it’s a part of the grief journey I think and issues come up, go, and they might reappear suddenly. I’m so glad things are improving for you. I can’t praise everyone on here enough for the support we all share. I think it was definitely one of my chinks of light when I came here. Sending you hugs xxxx
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Dear friends.
Well, tomorrow at 13.55 it will be 3 years since life support was switched off for our Lisa. As I am sure you all feel, part of us dies with our children. We are never the same as before.
However, this weekend we had Jemma home and Brooke here too. My friend had her 60th in her garden and sadly the weather changed and it raised but my two special girls were with us and we had a wonderful time. Also today I took Brooke swimming and she has become so confident. Its a joy to watch as she is exactly like her Mummy. Same body shape same movements! It’s really weird but lovely.
We will get through tomorrow remembering our beautiful daughter and all that she was.
Love to all.
Attached photo of Jemma and Brooke at the party. Xx
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Nell, I am so happy to hear that! I feel exactly the same way that you do I feel I’m in the same place. Things are improving little by little but like you said I know it’s a long journey but I grab on to the moments of happiness that I do get. Joining this site was one of the best decision I have made on this journey. Everyone has been and is lovely and supporting. Hugs back to you 
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That is wonderful such a fun and beautiful photo.
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Oh Beautiful photo of your lovely girls . Brooke is doing so well , and so pleased she is like her Darling Mummy and brings so much joy to you all . Will be thinking of you tomorrow , as I know it will be so hard for you Sending love to youbnd your family xxxx
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Thinking of you tomorrow Kate…These anniversaries are not easy, I know you will be reliving every second every minute every hour in detail just as if it was yesterday, but you have the love and support of your family around you and that means so much.
Take care…Marina xxx
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Sending you my love and hugs. For tomorrow xx
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Dear Kate,
This is an adorable picture of your lovely girls 
Brooke is such a sweetheart, the things she says melt my heart, sending you all my love and hugs for tomorrow and will light a candle for your precious Lisa take care my friend we are all here with you always as is Lisa 
Love from Michelle xxxx
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Dear Kate, such a lovely photo … one to treasure. I will be thinking of you all especially tomorrow. Big hugs to you 
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A beautiful picture. Bless you and yours xx
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Oh Kate that is such a gorgeous photo of Jemma and Brooke. Such a happy photo.
Sending you caring hugs and live for tomorrow.
Racy I also took a big step yesterday and went metal detecting with the group me and Andrew often detect with. I had lots of hugs and once or twice I had to cut the conversation short as the tears started flowing. I missed Andrew dreadfully but it was so good to see so many of our friends. It was extremely hot, I found nothing but junk but I know it’s helped me and I’ll go again. 4 months ago I thought I’d never be able to do it.
I’m glad you enjoyed your day too Racy.
Love to all…Sue xxxx
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Oh Sue I am so glad to hear that you also took a big step. It had to make you feel good about yourself and about your progress. Like I mentioned on one of my posts I still had thoughts of Theo, but I tried to replace the thought with he would have wanted me to be there. If I didn’t try to change my thought process I would have been in tears. I am going to order a metal detector I have always wanted to do that and it sounds like fun! 
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Yes Racy you should definitely buy yourself a metal detector 
. It’s such a great hobby, a chance to either mix with others or go out on your own and get away from it all. It’s both relaxing and exciting. I obviously thought of Andrew a lot when I was there but I know he’d be telling me to go and find something nice. I wanted to wear his big sun hat but it was so breezy I’d have spent half the day chasing it round the field.
Love Sue xxxx
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Sue doing something you and Andrew used to do together must have been hard for you but you push forward and did it. I am quite sure if I go and do something Theo and I did together. I would have tears running down my face. If you did wear that sun hat and Andrew saw you chasing around the field he would be smiling and chuckling.
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Hello all you lovely people.
So many posts since I was last here, it’s taken some time to catch up.
I’m finally back in the UK after 6 weeks away visiting my French family, though not offline the whole time.
Sorry in a way to see some new names, because it means there are sadly more of us in this place of grief and pain, but glad you are feeling welcomed and supported by the loving friends on here.
It’s also good to read of so many of you taking wonderful steps forward. Great you went detecting, Sue, such a big step forward. And Racy enjoying your night out. And others taking holidays and meeting up with friends. You should all be proud of yourselves for every little (or huge) step forward. And sending love and support to those of you who are not ready yet, still finding everyday life just too hard in this new reality. But you will see Nell’s chinks of light when it’s the right time for you.
Thanks to Jim for another post sharing his wisdom and insight.
Thanks to Racy (and Zoe) for wondering where I had disappeared to!
Since I’ve been home I’ve had to go to Katherine’s house to feed the cat (her husband away this weekend). Didn’t know how I’d feel, but it was ok, though it was the first time I’ve let myself into her house since she left it. Her ‘den’ was as if she’d just popped out for a minute. Surreal, this world we are in.
Excuse my rambling, it’s so long since I’ve posted!
But
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