Your up late michelle are you ok xx
3 Likes
Hi Zoe,
Sorry for late reply, Iām up all night as I work nights, hope your ok Zoe, Bless you always looking out for others.
Much love from Michelle xxxx
1 Like
Morning Susan. So sorry for your loss itās the most awful and devastating thing you will ever have to do believe me and you think you canāt go on I buried my daughter in Jan this year she had breast and liver cancer she was 25 Iām still broken and many morning s I wake up and think god why did I have to wake up another day of heartache and despair but itās early days for you as it is me but take each day at a time sending you my love and hugs we all support each other on here. Take care. Shellyanne XX 
6 Likes
Morning dear friends. Hope you are all OK.
My husband found some old photos of Jamie and Lisa and also some of Lisa at about 13, out in the woods with two of our German pointers. She looks so healthy and strong.
Life has changed forever for us all but we have our memories and friendship here keeps us all going.
Love to all.
Kate xx
4 Likes
Hi Kateā¦Its a comfort to have the memories and photos of our children but so bitterly unfair to know thatās all we have of themā¦after over four years I am still asking myself WHY did it have to be my child, I know thatās being selfish but I canāt help it
Take careā¦with love to allā¦ Marina xxx
5 Likes
Dear Marina, yes when I find photos of Lisa with Jemma as children I catch my breath. So innocent with no worries.
Itās so sad for all of us here.
Love to you Marina and all friends here.
Kate xx
3 Likes
Hi ladys i think why . Why our children i just want my sam the gap thats left the pain in my heart . Having such a crap day ive sat in the garden and sobbed all afternoon . Nothing seem good . My three grandchildren slept last night . My 9 year old started sobbing his so angry wheres uncle sam gone its not fair . His mum jess my beautiful daughter has lost her brother her best friend .ive never seen her so agitated and angry . Shes coped with loosing baby Elsie me getting breast cancer .then loosing my mum who she adored. Then her beautiful brother sam . Then we got punished a bit more she had a tumor in her jaw . When sam was poorly had to have recontruction in her mouth luckly was benign . Is all that fair . Shes 30 .and so sad . Im sick of this life whats the point . Everything you love goes away . X sorry rambling i have to tell some one i make out im so strong but it all hurts so bad xxx
4 Likes
Hi all
It took me over a year after that terrible day before I could look at a photo of my daughter and if by chance I happened to see one I would break down and sob. I have definitely moved on as I have them up now in the house. I still have moments when I look at them and yearn for her to be here but I cope. Iām sitting watching TV with a large glass of wine and looking over at all my daughters flowers that people sent for her birthday. Such kindness. There are tears not just for my precious girl but for all our children but I have hope in my heart that we will see them again one day. Sending love and hugs to you all 
Deborah xx
5 Likes
Thatās lovely Zoe. Such kindness from people who love you.
Much live, Kate xx
2 Likes
Sorry I meant to type Deborah. Silly, I was reading other posts too.
Itās difficult when we see their photos. They look radiant and full of life.
Itās awful for us isnāt it?
Love to you, Kate xx
4 Likes
Oh my Zoe, you have all been through it!
Sending love and hugs.
Life is so unfair.
Kate xxxx
4 Likes
Hello all dear friends , Zoe my heart aches for you , canāt believe you have been through so much . I am so pleased you have such a wonderful family behind you . But I know you must feel so lonely in your grief somedays, as you feel you in are in another world with your grief .,Deborah , have been thinking of you , as I know you are suffering , I did try and ring you a couple of nights ago . So will try again pehaps tomorrow . Love to all .Love Maddie xxxx
5 Likes
It is Kate, so heartbreaking but we put one foot in front of the other and try to carry on xxx
6 Likes
Hi kate and maddie
Yes feel like its to much and i do feel very alone in my grief . People think oh a years passed she must be ok. I feel worse than ever xxx
Thank you for being there xx
6 Likes
Oh Zoe , I know what you mean , I am sorry to say there is only a very small that understand what we are goiing through , I know you have your lovely family around you , but I with everyone around , you can feel feel so isolated in grief. I feel it all the time as my family seem to have moved on . And no one talks about Dawn . Sending hugs Maddie xx
6 Likes
Dear All,
Zoe I am so sorry you have had such a bad day and I hope you have found some peace this evening.
It is my birthday today and we have Charlie, Gemmaās little one staying with us. I always put a birthday card from Gemma up along with the others. Charlie noticed this and I heard him say to Bill āwhy has Grandma put 3 mum cards up? She only has 2 children now. So Bill told him to read them and he was amazed and delighted to see it was from his mummy. So I explained that it was an old card but that if mummy was still here, then she would have sent me a card. It is difficult but I always feel that we have to be open and honest with him.
I find it is a way of keeping my darling girl alive in some way. Silly really xxx
4 Likes
Yes Victoria , I know it must be hard on Charlie to understand , what we do to keep our darling children with us , hopefully in time he will really understand . I put Dawns last cards every celebration , as we have to keep them with us . Hope you enjoyed your birthday . Thankyou for the lovely evening we spent with you and Bill , and Charlie . Hope we can have many more . Love Maddie xxxx
5 Likes
Not silly at all, Victoria.
I think the way you explain things to little Charlie is wonderful.
How sad that he has lost his mummy and that you have lost your much-loved daughter.
As parents we grieve for our lost children, but we also feel such deep sorrow for the wider family.
If we have other children we feel desperately sad that theyāve lost a sibling and if our child was a mum or dad we are heartbroken to see their children grieving. Itās all too much.
Iām grateful to be able to share feelings on this site, as we are able to understand each other. The experience is different for each of us, but the sheer sadness is something we all know.
Love to all.
3 Likes
Zoe I feel the same, how much pain can we take. I am trying I really am , but it does not get even a little easier. I got up today and cried so much and thought get on with it girl, put some make up on, went down town, sat on a bench and watched people go by. Went and had food trying to distract myself , thatās what people say do things to distract yourself keep yourself busy . Came home, back to howling on my knees again. Another day, another week, another month without them, my boy, your Sam. How do we deal with this upside down world now, where is our light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing makes any sense anymore, it must at some point it must, but when? What to do? Just come on here thatās what i do, donāt post often as everyone else puts it better but I am grateful to have the lifeline of the conversations. I always think of you as we are on the same time line in our Journey but itās so hard putting on a brave face isnāt it hoping tomorrow will be easier. Itās good you and Jess can talk so openly, and the anger , yes life is so unfair sometimes and you all have had so much to deal with.
Sending much love to you and hoping tomorrow will be a better day xxXX
3 Likes
Hi all. If I may add my thoughts. Personally I donāt think it really matters how much time passes, we can all have a bad day at anytime. For people that havenāt lost a child , they simply will never understand the depth of how much it hurts, hopefully they will never have to find out, I wouldnāt wish this on anybody. Itās very easy to feel so alone in your grief. I would say thatās because those around us donāt know how deep it runs. Itās the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion on something you havenāt experienced, but thatās all it is an opinion. Iāve heard on many occasions people saying things like, well it happened over a year ago you think theyād be over it by now,. Or ,. I stay away from suchabody because they are just wallowing in self pity. I personally think we would be able to handle the news that we are about to loose our own lives much better than the reality of loosing our children. Anyone that doubts themselves for feeling down after such a loss, regardless of time passing. You should tell yourself you are an amazing human being. Youāve suffered the greatest of losses, but you are still carrying on. Itās tough, really tough, somedays you just want to curl up in to a ball and die. Nothing the world has to offer is of any interest. But we drag ourselves out of bed and put our armour on. People think we are ok (over it). But isnāt that a sign of how resilient we are. We can fool everybody. They canāt see whatās really going on underneath. We have lost the most precious thing in the world yet we are able to go out and face the day. Might not feel like it but thatās a win in my book.
Thanks for listening
Jim
7 Likes