Dear Victoria , it’s been a really sad day today. But at the end of it Gemma has bought you some happiness . Sending love Maddie xxx
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Thankyou Jim , that is so right , know one understands the pain in our heart , because we seem to be carrying on as not to make them feel uncomfortable , we put on are mask . And then when by ourselves fall to pieces … Maddie xx
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Beautiful words, Jim. You always know exactly what to say and have the right touch.
Gosh haven’t the last few days been sad, losing our Queen. We all knew she wouldn’t live for ever but we were lucky to have her for so long …she was a beacon of grace, strength and stability and can now rest peacefully with Philip by her side 
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Thank you Jim.
I am not sure if anyone is experiencing this, but seeing all the coverage for the Queen has not upset me for the Queen but has made me so terribly sad for my beautiful daughter who know one really knew, or could acknowledge. It was my birthday last weekend and I could not face even opening a single card. I opened some bits today but just broke down and had to get the diazepam quickly just to calm down a bit. I know our lives were not easy when my daughter was alive due to her Autism and meltdowns etc but I would so love to have that life back. The main thing that makes me so sad and depressed is not how I feel and the pain I am experiencing, but my daughter has lost her life she can achieve nothing now, unlike the Queen who has achieved so much in her full 96 years. Perhaps that sounds a bit harsh. I just don’t know what to do now, life feels so pointless. Love to all. Xxx
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Dear Andy, I understand that. It is hard when we lose our children so young and feel that they have not had a chance to live their lives as they should. We feel that they were cheated. I’m sorry you were not able to open your birthday cards. I hope your week is peaceful xxx
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Happy belated Jim , I so understand not being able to open cards , very torture ourselves as we should not be celebrating anything because our beautiful children are not here with us, . No it will never ever be the same . I have been weepy all day , we are down in Cornwall for a 3 day break , and all I want to do is watch everything regarding the Queen and The new King , I have always admired Charles , he is the same age as myself and I know he will make a great King . But also today is 5 years 9 months since we lost Dawn I know it’s not an anniversary , but every month I hate the no 11 as that is the 11 /12 /2016 she passed so every month I just feel so sad . The months and years are passing me by so quickly , I can’t believe December which I hate it will be 6 long and lonely years without my beautiful Dawn . with love Maddie xxxx
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Dear Andy. It is so hard being a parent to an Autistic child. Difficult for the child too. Can’t bear noise or bright lights places with lots of people, not wanting to shower or change clothes … They are in turmoil so much of the time and outsiders don’t understand! You will have been devastated beyond belief losing your child, we all know how horrendous this feels. I know some people will say awful things like ‘well it’s probably for the best’ . It’s awful.
With Lisa who had a long term lung condition, she lived her life to the full and was only taken having contracted a virus on holiday in Majorca. Even then after 9 weeks on ECMO with hopes raised and hopes dashed, people said to us that it was probably for the best!!! For the best that a 3 year old grows up without her Mother, that a very much in love partner has to live without the love if his life , that her sister feels like she’s lost a limb, I feel like my heart has been torn in two and her Dad weeps at cemetery where there is not actually any of her there.
This is what all of us here feel. You are not alone. We all help each other through this dreadful experience.
Much love Andy
Kate xx
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Dear Maddie, I’m sorry you are feeling tearful especially when you should be enjoying your holiday. But we all know how the sadness and heartbreak can suddenly overwhelm us, especially the anniversaries.
I hope you can regain some peace and enjoy your days in Cornwall. We’ll speak soon. Much love 
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Thankyou Victoria , such mixed emotions , I always get tearful when we travel to Cornwall , I start to cry as soon as we leave home , and John always say why we are going to have a break from our grieving . But men will be men , I start to remember so many happy memories when our two girls were in the back of the car so excited we were going to Cornwall. So when Dawn had been so I’ll most of 2016 , I thought when she hopefully comes out of hospital , we will take her to her beloved Cornwall . But sadly it wasn’t to be . . Maddie xx
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Hi Andy, I can understand the feelings that you have having lost your beautiful daughter. The emptiness and feeling that life is pointless now is also how I am feeling. We lost our youngest son, who was 41, 15 weeks ago. Like your daughter he had special needs, not autistic, but severely physically disabled and we provided all his care.
To lose your child is so hard for any parent but when you have, a special child and had to give the level of care we have it leaves such a hole that life feels pointless without them.
The times I have wished for a few hours to myself to read a book or just time for me, well now I have all the time in the world, and I don’t want it. Like you Andy I would give anything to have my life back as it was with my son.
I’m sorry I can’t offer any advice as to how to cope as I am muddling my way through taking it a day at a time. I don’t want to look forward as all I see is emptiness without my lovely son. I do try to comfort myself with the fact that despite his disabilities he had a happy life and did lots of things, so we have lots of happy memories. Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to focus on these things and I’m stuck with the memories of his last few days, following the seizure and his unexpected passing. Hopefully these memories will start to fade, and the happy memories will take over.
Take care Andy, my thoughts are with you.
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Hi everyone
The sadness is so great .the pain is so bad . We all in this together sending you all much love and big hugs xxx
I have been away for a few days and always think sam will be at home when im back. I went to see a medium and to be honest im gobsmacked . I dont know what to make of it .she told me my dad was there and told me things no one could know . He was happy a joker .loved pie mash. He told me not to be so sad . My mum we loved shopping a sandwich and a cake . It was unbelievable. She said my family was holding a baby tiny size bag sugar .they was all looking after her . Jesses baby mad . She then blew me away she said a young person gone to soon . He was out of pain and well .he loved his aftershave. Hated the bed died in the chair . Went very quickly .she sId he was with friends and family. She said so .much what blew me away she saId hold on he haS dog with him ben benny boy that was our dog .she said he said dont be sad hes ok keep talking to him and kissing him good night. It feels so mad now i dont know what to think xxx much love zoe sam. Loved music she said there’s. .music .
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Hi Zoe, thanks for sharing your experience with the medium. It’s joyful to hear that you been told such accurate information. I too was amazed by two similar experiences. I hope it brings you some comfort.
Love Chris x
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Dear Victoria
It’s a sign…wonderful. That’s all we want to know….that our children are ok…even if we’re not.
Sending love
Purple x
Dear Maddie
Dawn will be with you in Cornwall as she is with you wherever you are. I hope you find some peace there.
Our children would be so annoyed that we grieve so, they would want us to live our short lives as well as we can.
Sending love to you and John.
Hope to see you soon.
Purple x
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Hi all. Andy, I fully get the point you are making about the Queen leading a full life as opposed to the loss of our children. Because we miss our children so much, I think for myself personally, it’s an easy jump to make, I could connect practically everything in comparison to loosing my boy. How dare all the blokes I work with go for a pint with their sons. Or go to football matches together. Don’t all these people on Facebook know how they are rubbing my nose in it by having never ending pictures and stories of their children. All my Facebook pictures and stories stopped in 2015. I can literally be out and about somewhere and spot a parent with their offspring, doesn’t matter what age the offspring is, 6 16 26. I can relate a memory from any age from the vast library in my mind. It used to annoy me because all these people are able to go on making memories,. But not me, I don’t have that luxury. It’s just another facit of grief we have to deal with. When we are already lost, beaten, exhausted and empty. We see stuff all around us that reminds of how lost, beaten, exhausted and empty we really are. It’s only once you are managing to piece yourself back together again it becomes apparent that everyone else’s life has to carry on. If the world stopped for everyone, everytime a child dies where would we be. Nobody can feel your grief the way you feel it yourself. Even other bereft parents. They can feel their own grief and they can have every sympathy with you but they can’t feel your grief it’s personal. I can think of plenty of times I’ve gotten so annoyed and upset with others talking about their children. But they are just doing what is natural, what we would be doing if we were still able. The problem isn’t other people,the problem is us. We are the ones who are broken we are the ones that have been torn apart. We are truly the only ones that can fix ourselves. Yes we can have counselling, or a bottle of whiskey or sleeping pills or meet up sessions, but to me these are all just lubricants that help the mind slowly come back together. My wife has 3 son’s with 6 children between them. My brother has 4 kids. There was a time I hated for any of them to be at my house it was to upsetting. But as I’ve strengthened I’m totally at ease with it now. If I do get momentarily upset, then that’s down to me.
Zoe. Glad you had a good experience with a medium. It is hard to believe wether it’s real or not. I really didn’t buy into all that stuff. “Is there a Mavis in the room. I’m getting the smell of roses”.
The one I went to see was incredible. I suppose we all go to see them and are sceptical, we are hoping they tell us something but then we are not sure wether to believe it or not. But when they tell you stuff they couldn’t possibly have known then there has to be something in it. These (proper clairvoyants). Are not magicians, they can’t guess stuff out of thin air just by the expression on your face. If they have told you something that rings a 100% true just to you. Then I think it’s pretty safe to say they are telling the truth and they really have had contact with the person connected to you. There will always be those that say, it’s a load of old wives tales. Well they can have their opinions and keep them. I know which side I’m on. Take comfort in it Zoe. It’s happened for a reason.
Ok thanks for listening.
Take care
Jim
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Thankyou Purple , hope to see you soon . Take care Maddie xxx
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Jim10,
You’ve hit the nail right on the head again Jim with your descriptions and your very wise and truthful words. These come only from heart rendering, painful and personal experiences. We all want to scream from the rooftops but thankfully your very sincere posts keep us going.
Bless you
Chris x
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Hi Jim
Cant get my head round the medium to many things keep coming to me .but how did you feel after .im now thinking are they waiting for us to go back . Ive always sensed sam is around . My dad has been gone 16 years how could she know .the things she said but im now thinking now what big hugs zoe x
Hi Zoe.
Well this is my opinion and it’s only an opinion. I think when we go to see a clairvoyant we are desperate to think they can make contact with your lost one. So we try to keep as much information to ourselves as possible so as not to give the clairvoyant a head start. So we don’t tell them our name, or why we are there or whom we are hoping to hear from. If you get a good clairvoyant which sounds like you did. Then they don’t need clues they will pick up on stuff immediately. To me this is not a trick. Some people believe, some don’t. And then there are people who point blank refuse to believe regardless of what the clairvoyant tells them. When you are being given information about you, your life and your loved one. If you deem it to be true beyond all reasonable doubt. Then it’s true, simple as that. I can’t speak for others but when I went to see one, the things she told me were astonishing in the fact that she couldn’t have possibly known. When I came away you try to analyze all the facts. What if the clairvoyant had read up on me, what if she had known my dead son, what if someone I know had been to see her previously and forwarned her. Well it was none of the above. So then that leaves the fact it has to be true she must have made contact/spoken to my son. In my case it’s pointless telling you the facts of what she said to me because it will mean nothing to anyone else only me. For a few months afterwards I felt quite calm and had a sense of peace. I was and am still upset over loosing my boy. That will never leave. In the immediate aftermath of what she said I was sad , upset, happy, tearful. After a few months have past you cling on to every word they said but you come to understand that your love one is just in a different place, they seem content. They are around you but they don’t feel like you feel. They see you down and broken, sad, confused , desperate. But it doesn’t mean the same things where they are. They know that eventually you will be reunited. So they don’t get heartbroken like us. They are not waiting for you to go and see a clairvoyant every week like it’s a telephone exchange. I went to see the woman 3 years apart on both occasions she gave me deep personal messages but never once did I get the feeling that my son was lost or afraid. Hope this helps Zoe.
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