Thanks Jim yes i believe. She said so much that no one knows .yes i feel happy sad .mental .
But you as always have made me feel better . There not waiting for us to keep going back are they . There with us. Oh Jim this torture and what we do and hang on to .we just want our boys .shes blown my mind . Have a good day .i feel anyhow if that makes sense . Thank you xxx
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Hi Zoe , itâs coo over whelming that you had some contact with Sam , thatâs all we want to mend our broken hearts . I canât wait to see Jackie again in December , with her Angel board , she is amazing . Thanks to Debororah put us in contact with her , I only wish other mothers would do itv, itâs truley a phone line to Heaven . I already have about 80 questions to ask Dawn , and I am pretty sure she will come through untill she gets tired . . I. canât wait . We did go and visit Dawn today , we have a few of her in with John Mother , most in the garden , some in a heart indoors , and some in Disney World , . But when we left this afternoon , as we always check the grave , I just wanted to scream and scream . Oh itâs . . Itâs almost 6 years and I still feel the same . My heart is truly Brocken . . Maddie xxxx
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Hi maddie its just sad we hang on to anything . I felt happy when i came out . Was mad my dad my mum sam baby elsie and my dog ben the things she told me was unreal. I keep going over it ⌠what is the flower board âŚwhatever we do .the loss is so great for our children . This is going to be our second xmas wothout sam it feels like yesterday . Big hugs to you maddie take care xx
I went to see a psychic healer last year. I gave her a false name as I did not want her to pick anything up from me. When I entered the room I managed to stay very calm.
I sat down, she looked at me for a few minutes then said âyou have lost a child, havenât you. She was not young, she was an adult and died suddenlyâ.
She then told me so much but as Jim says, it would not mean anything to anyone else.
I would like to see her again but I did feel quite overwhelmed ⌠difficult to explain.
But I felt very happy ⌠such a mix of emotions. xxx
Yes my emotions all over the place .this rubbish road we on . We all searching for comfort . Much love 
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Hi all.
Canât sleep again and thereâs sod all on the tele as usual. So I,ll ramble on for a while.
You never think it will happen to you. You sometimes over the coarse of your life hear about other people that loose children. If itâs someone in the far off distance you donât really give it much thought other than, oh!!! That must be terrible. Then you just get on with your business. If itâs someone a bit more closer to home then you do think omg! thatâs horrendous, you say all those cliche,s to yourself. " I couldnât imagine loosing a child,it must be awful". Or " Iâm glad I donât have to deal with that". You feel sorry for the person but you have no real understanding, you just think thank Christ it hasnât happened to me , my kids are fine. But the bottom line is you canât ever get even close to knowing how it feels.
Then one day it happens. Itâs like nothing you have ever experienced before. All rationality goes out the window. All that life you have lived up till that point suddenly stops. You canât eat, you canât sleep, you canât think straight. Night becomes day, day becomes night. You exist in a totally different dimension from everything and everyone. People speak to you but all you hear is white noise. Every waking second all you can think about is the son or daughter that you lost. Absolutely nothing matters anymore. Suddenly you have become that person. The one people talk about. You are the one that people give the sympathetic look in the supermarket, or person that people rudely stare and point at. The person that people form an opinion of, without knowing any of the facts.
Youâve become that person you never thought it would happen to. Now you understand the reason you could never quite get the enormity of loosing a child because it canât be measured. The devastating pain. The guilt the anger. The feeling of helplessness. The total rewiring of your brain to the point you canât function properly anymore. You try to fit in with society but you are an outcast. Then you go through that whole period of people telling you what you should be doing.
Youâve grieved long enough!!!
Pull yourself together!!!
Stop wallowing!!!
Oh, youâve changed!!!
Itâs been a year!!!
But these people will never understand. The day you lost your child you became someone else. You are not that person you once were and you never will be. You canât go back to being that person because to much of who you used to be is missing. You have to grow in to the new you. Itâs baby steps all the way. Itâs like fighting your way through a jungle . But you will get there. You will find your feet again. You will come out the other side and learn to appreciate life once more. Itâs not easy, itâs very much not easy. But there is a flip side to how you feel when you first loose your child. You will one day reach a point when the scales will alter in your favor and you can see day light again. You will be the new you. You will learn to carry all that trauma, guilt,anger, sadness, and loss and contain it. You might not ever think you will. But you will!!! You wonât ever not think about your child. But you can have a life that is worth living again. You wonât think of them as being dead. They are just somewhere else. Somewhere you will be one day. Then you can tell them in person all the bloody pain theyâve caused 
Ok think thatâs enough
Take care people.
Jim.
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Thanks Jim. We all must give ourselves some credit for trying to struggle through as best we can.
Love Chris x
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Dear Jim. Well, we live in a small community. Even the County Town nearby is small by UK standards. In March 2019na FB friend of mine, having worked with the young man, posted that his much loved young brother âBubbyâ had lost his fight against a brain tumor. I was devastated for him and his family. His mum was our kids tennis teacher when they were young kids. The family have been tbe centre of the community with their wood processing company. Big employer in the town. Lovely , well known and respected family. So⌠after I heard of Bubbyâs passing I met his Mum Edith in Tesco. I was overcome with grief for her. I just put my arms around her then moved away with my trolly. I thought. ONG how terrible fir this loving Mum. How can she even face the weekly shop. OK so fast forward 4 months and we meet again. This time Edith is throwing her arms around me and asking if I am OK! We just donât know the minute.
Life changes forever when we lose a child. Old so called friends are gone, new ones are here for good.
Love to you Jim and all friends .
Kate xxd
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Jim and Kate
Your words are so accurate and so well thought out.
I have met one or two new friends through the SOBS group and I have a longer term friend that has become closer too, she has not lost a child but she understands as best she can. My new friends through the SOBS group can just make me feel comfortable as they are experiencing similar grief issues through their loss of children. Itâs four months to the day my daughter died and its one of those nights I canât sleep. Itâs also a day of reflection where I just wish I could go back in time and save my beautiful, kind loving daughter who was so failed. Everything is so hard, each day is so difficult. The loneliness, and emptiness inside is unbearable and the loss of a child so young is just horrendous. I used to want time alone but now canât stand an hour alone. Our lives changed forever. Its just a horrid existence at the moment. Xx
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Hi jim and kate . Your words so right . It really is how it is . People who have not lost children or experienced grief just dont get it . Thank you . It always makes me get it when i read your words and they are how im feeling .thank you for sharing xxxx
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Hi Andy its such early days .its trauma and shock .nothing makes sense. I lost sam 25 .16 months ago.its like time means nothing all we want is them .i still expect him to BE
Here when i put the key in the door take baby steps my heart goes out to you much love just keep coming on here .everyobes helped me so much xx
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Thank you Zoe.
I appreciate everyoneâs help and support.
I certainly donât expect anything to be easy but the pain is much worse than I could ever imagined.
My mind also goes to that when I die it could be another twenty years or more and knowing your daughter wonât be with you then or anytime ever again is just unimaginable. Xxx
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Hi Zoe, I know it feels like a lifetime until we see our precious children again but it does seem to somehow get easier as the years go on. It is 4 years now for me and I would never have imagined that I would be coping as well as I am.
My GP told me that losing Gemma would change me and it has. I think recognising that and accepting it has helped me.
For instance I now have to avoid stressful situations, try and stay calm and not get over tired as those are the times when I feel overwhelmed and the sadness comes flooding back.
I hope this helps you. Sending you lots of love 
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SueDav, dear Sue, sending you special love and caring thoughts 20.9.22. Hope you are getting through Ann xx
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Thats lovely Victoria 
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Dear Andy , sorry you are in so mush pain ,such early days for you . I know itâs hard to except that you would be in this heart breaking situation . I am almost 6 years in December, and itâs still hard to except that I will not see my Darling Dawn again . As she passed before Xmas and we could not goodbye to her untill after , I have come to to Xmas so hard , she and I used to love Xmas . So we went to the Range yesterday and they have already have there Xmas decks out , I do love looking at them , but as usual got very tearful and could wait to get out of the shop . Zoe , every time I see the lloyds advert on the tv , I think of Sam . Victoria , lovely words , hope you will feel a bit better soon . Lots of love to all Maddie xxx
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That is soooooo beautiful, thank you for sharing.
Xx
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Hi Ann,
Thank you so much for thinking of me on the 6th month anniversary of losing Andrew. I often wonder how youâre getting onâŚI hope youâve been well and having brighter days.
I still read all the posts but find it hard to post as Iâve been coping with life so much better than at the beginning. I feel guilty that I am coping so wellâŚIâm worried that maybe people will think I didnât care about AndrewâŚwhich of course I did. Itâs maybe because Iâve always been a very positive, optimistic person. Iâm detecting again and all the others in the group chat to me about Andrew. I still have times when Iâm overwhelmed with the sadness and unfairness of his death but I know he would want me to be happy and to live my life as best I can even without him.
Iâm sure Katherine would want you to be as happy as youâre able. How is her husband coping? It must be so hard for him. In a way Iâm almost glad Andrew wasnât in a close relationship or had any children as my heart would ache so much for themâŚIâm so sad for Andrewâs dad, my ex husband. He feels very alone now as he split up with his partner a couple of years ago and Andrew was such a big part of his life.
Iâve recently come back from a weeks holiday in SuffolkâŚmy mum, my partner, both my sisters and their husbands all went. It was relaxing and good to be with everyone. I think Iâve been lucky with all the support Iâve hadâŚit must be what has helped me so much.
I hope all of you are having brighter daysâŚthinking of you Ann and everyone else.
Love and hugsâŚSue
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Dear all, I donât think Sue should feel guilty for coping well and having brighter days. Her son would not want her to be sad, and she gives hope to those of us who are still weighed down by grief.
Itâs coming up to 6 months for me since my beloved son died. I am finding the grief very hard to bear, I miss him so much and think of him all the time. But I also feel sad for my other son and my daughter who are grieving for their brother. Also sad for my daughter-in-law and her children who are missing a much-loved husband and daddy. We all loved him so much. We were lucky to have him, but we have lost him too soon. Itâs very hard to bear. In fact, I still canât believe itâŚ
I am hoping time will bring some relief. I am grateful to have a loving family, but I do feel very alone (I am widowed, so cannot share the sorrow of losing our boy with his dad).
Best wishes to all who are on this site. We donât want to be here.
Peace and love - Susan J
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