Thankyou Michele. Yes Brooke is our shining light. She is such a lovely little person. So kind and thoughtful just like her Mummy.
Jemma is home tomorrow for 3 weeks and Brooke coming to us as Daddy has an invitation to drinks. Bless his heart, he hasn’t socialised apart from golf since we lost Lisa. Jemma and Brooke are besties so they will have a lovely time.
Will be thinking of you as its over 3 and a half years for us but thinking of all friends here whatever stage you are.
Hi everyone , haven’t been able to reply to anybody as I just not get onto site . Thankyou all for remembering Dawns anniversary last Sunday , and Victoria for filling in for me with your beautiful words . Have just read all your post , and want to send all my love to all as I know what a difficult time of year it is . Maddie xxx
Jss i have just lost my adult son and am struggling to exist. I feel such pain in my heart i can hardly bear it. I lost him in a terribly tragic and horrific way and keep getting waves of flashbacks. I am sometimes numb which is preferable to the intense pain. Im really hoping to find support to keep me going in this group xx
This is a very special club, one which no one would ever wish to be in but here we are. We are all here for you having like you lost adult son’s and daughters, something we never thought would happen.
Some of us are further down the line than you, others right at the beginning of their grief. It is not an easy road to travel, but you will get the support here, that is what we do as a group, no judgements, just love and kindness because it is only people that are going through this that can fully understand and relate to you.
Dear Elisabeth, what a terrible time you have had. No wonder you feel so bad. Losing your son and your husband is unbearable. All of us here know what you are going through. The grief is so crippling you can hardly move with the pain. Even after 3 and a half years of losing our beautiful Lisa, the pain still rears up and takes the wind out of me.
You have come to the right place. We are all here, anytime of the night or day, one of us will be reading posts on this site. Its the only relief we get to offload whatever hirrendous things we are feeling.
Keep talking to us all here, we are the only ones who know how bad it feels.
As Kate said what a terrible thing to happen, and yes the grief will be unbearable, but please keep talking to us all on here, we do understand some of the stories here are dreadful but we keep fighting and we keep getting up as we have no other choice.
Dear Elizabeth, I am so sorry that you are going through the most terrible time. I can hardly imagine the pain.
As Kate said, do try and keep posting as we truly understand and can listen and support each other. Take care xxx
Oh my goodness Elizabeth 1 , I can’t imagine what you are going through, your husband and your son . I can understand the pain is unbearable it is for just one loss but for 2 ! It’s amazing you are even standing . There is so much for you to get your head around I hope you have someone to help you even if it’s just through the practical stuff. I can imagine it is taking all your effort to just keep breathing at the moment, it was for me in the beginning. Don’t expect too much from yourself , in fact don’t expect anything. Everything you think or feel is perfectly acceptable it’s your grief in your way . If you want to scream , scream, if you want to stay in bed stay in bed.
Keep posting and reading other people’s posts I hope you find comfort here as I have . We are all going through this journey and are at different stages you will see there is no order to grief no manual on how to do it you just go along with it where ever it takes you. I am so sorry you are having to go through this to, especially so close to Christmas . I do hope family and friends rally around for you and that your doctor is there for you to. I would definitely ask to be put on a list for counselling as the wait is about 9 months but to be honest I don’t think anyone can understand who has not experienced this awful experience.
You can post anything on here , I have found someone will have felt similar things if not the same and can empathise which I find helps
Be kind to yourself xx
I am so sorry for ur 2 losses. This is truly tragic. I hope u have some family and friends who r truly there for u. U will always find a comforting ear to listen to u here. It is the hardest thing tongo theu in life losing a child/adult. It is a club u never expect to join. The bereaved parents club. It has been 10 yrs since i lost my son in a tragic car accident and the grief especially this time of year, birthdays, anniversaries r all still horrific to cope with. Grief changes but never goes away. U will know this from the loss ofnur husband. We r all here for each other. Many of us regularly up in the wee small hours, unable to sleep as when the house is quiet and u have no distracrions u naturally think about ur loved ones who r no longer here. There by making sleep impossible. Just do what feels right for u. I made my sons funeral one of an 18yr old young man, with Eminem for music, his cardboard coffin painted to look like a shelby mustang, humanist service. My parents and sisters thought it was awful we asked everone to wear something pink as it was his fave colour. They caused so much trouble at the post service that i have never spoke to any of them again. Grief makes people behave very badly and sometimes it is unforgiveable. Then my other adult children blamed their stepfather. Who became increasing abusive to us all. I was in no condition to cope with all of it. After he started sexually abusing me while i was disabled and unable to move, i eventually got a surgery implanting a device in my spine. As soon as i could walk 2 months after the surgery i kicked him out. I told my adult children what he had done and they were initially supportive. However my husband told our 19 yr old daighter what he had done. A year later i plucked up the courage to report him to the police, which resulted in our daughter having to give evidence against her father in court. Since then none of my children have spoke to me, as i put her through that. I dont get so see 3 of my 4 grandchildren. Worst of all our daughter restarted her relationship with her father. They don’t blame him for raping, sexually assulting and taking photos of me without my consent while heavily medicated. They blame me for reporting it to the police. Please try and stay strong. There is a lot of extra grief help u can get by clicking the sue Ryder logo at the top of the page. If i can keep going with having nobody round my xmas dinner table. U can make it thru as well. Best of all i have a few friends who r my chosen family. I miss all my children and grandchildren the same as they r all gone from my life. I have just passed my 4 yr anniversary ofnkicking my husband out. He took att the money, stopped paying all the bills including the mortgage but i have managed to pay everything on my disability benefits but 4byrs down the line i still can’t get divorced. He now wants the home i raised my children in sold so he can buy a new house for his new partner and her children. I am 53 in 2 months and feel that my sons car accident was a catalyst of epic proportions that slowly destroyed my entire family. I am still fighting and so can u.
Love and hugs
Pauline x
Pauline your story is truly tragic. Thank you for opening up to me. At the moment i am still in shock i think although i dont really know what i feel. I am trying to put on a brave face for my grandchildren but i really do need support. Like you i have good friends but the pain is unbearable xx
Dear Elizabeth,
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Son and husband, we are all here for you as we share this journey together, sending you gentle hugs and love to help you through Michelle xxx
Hi Elizabeth i know you wake up and think this cant be real . It hurts so bad .just do what you can .my hardest thing is people dont talk about sam he did exist. I wishyou love and strengh .someone always here baby steps love zoe xx
Thank you, i am taking some comfort from your messages. I just feel at the moment i want to sleep but ive got to keep going for mybother son and grandchildren who are all hurting. Love to you all for your kind words xx
Dear Elizabeth, I’m so sorry for your loss. This is indeed a good place to spend some time on because everyone knows the feeling of losing a child. How it takes over everything in your life. I lost my 41-year-son Joey exactly 10 weeks ago after a horrendous 16-month battle against cancer.
I’m still suffering terribly and most days can’t make it out of bed. But I’m not fighting that. My brother, who lost his 36-year-old son suddenly to a heart attack 2 years ago tries to get me to get back into life, but I simply cant. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD because I watched his suffering so up-close throughout those months, so my doctor said to just be kind to myself - do whatever I need to do.
I realise that at this point that’s not easy for you. - you also lost your husband. But follow the advice of everyone else on here - one day at a time. My loss is still very raw too but I can now get through a conversation about my Joey without bursting into tears.
Ali’m keeping you in my thoughts, Elizabeth, and am sending you a massive virtual hug!
I guess my thinking there is always somebody worse off that me. I do what i can to get up everyday and try to be a liitle bit better than the day b4. It can be a tiny thing like crying less, finding something to laugh about. Anything at all. Slowly it feels different. But honestly 10 yrs in and grief changes bit will still slap u down when u least expect it. You have ur grandchildren and they r a true blessing to give u a reason to smile and go on. I truly hope u can get thru these early stages with xmas and new year. Then see how u feel and use the bereavement counselling, grief journalling etc that is all available the the logo at the top of the page.
Love and hugs
Pauline x
Being self kind is the best thing u can do for yourself and self kind is not selfish. If its not getting out of bed, do that, if its putting on a face mask, if its going and getting ur nails done, do it. Try to do something each day that is selfkind. It doesn’t have to cost much. U can acknowledge that u need something kind.
Love and hugs
Pauline x
Pauline, dear Pauline. I am truly humbled by your strength and compassion for others. You have had a horrendous few years and now you’re helping all of us here. Bless you dear friend, you are amazing.
U r very kind. We r all in this club and nobody else understands the way we do. I would urge everyone to practice self kindness. As parents we never put ourselves first but to get thru the trauma of loss i find it invaluable to my mental health. I also use a guided meditation app called smiling mind, its a great aussie mans voice, its very soothing, 100% free, it has programs for all ages and many conditions. My grandson who i do see has Williams Syndrome that can cause an inability to deal with emotions he has just turned 6 but has been using it for 3 years. He now takes himself to the calm down step and does his breathing exercises sometimes with my phone other times without. It helps with sleep as well. I paid for many and could not connect with them like i did with this one. It is a useful tool in the tool box. I go to it first b4 reaching for the diazepam. I hope some of u give it a try and look forward to hearing ur experiences.
Love and hugs
Pauline x
Michelle xxx