Dear Maddie,
I am so sorry that Sarah is poorly 
i can understand you feeling like crying all the time after what you have been through, youâre still in shock at the moment so will be very tearful, you will get stronger for Sarah when she needs you too but fir now you need to be kind to yourself and let it all out, sendibg you much love and strength to help you through, take care and remember we are all here for you 
Love Michelle xxxx
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Dear Michelle , that is so kind of you , what we have all suffered is unbearable . Take care love Maddie xxx
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I used to hate New Years Eve so much and spent the first two sobbing all night. I hated the thought of moving into a new year and leaving Gemma behind. But I now think of it as just another day. I carry her in my heart every day and she comes along with me, no matter what the date is or what is happening in the world. She is never left behind ⌠how could she be when I love her so much and she is still so much a part of my life. That will never change and one day we will be together again. Wishing you all peace this evening
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Dear Elizabeth
That support is very hard to find I discovered. All the organisations gave me links to other organisations that led nowhere at all. It is quite cruel.
I finally got some my late sonâs patient support group (he had a rare genetic illness), it has helped me so much. Please keep trying, after 5 months since Samâs death I am managing much better, but New Year is very hard.
Overall It is getting better for me and I hope it will for you too.
You have had so much to bear, too much for anyone.
Much love
Mary
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Yes this is my first New Year without my son. Itâs very tough and you have put it beautifully, leaving him behind in the old year. I am weeping too.
Love Mary
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Dear Mary, sending you big hugs this evening xxx
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Dear friends, New Year is not easy for any of us. I cried in bed at 10 pm , fell asleep and woke at 12 with fireworks going off. I used to love to party at new year but now like all of us, it is just too hard to bare. We have Brooke staying so thst made it easier. I got up to make a cuppa as i couldnât get back to sleep for a while. I popped in to her bedroom and was filled with love as i watched this beautiful gift ftom Lisa lying peacefully asleep holding an armful of soft toys. Life is not the same but we do find joy in time.
Thinking of you all, old friends and new to this group. We all prop each other up whichever way we can. We are never alone.
Love to you all, Kate xxx
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Morning Kate,
Such a blessing to have Brooke your beautiful gift from your precious girl we have kept ourselves busy but have had quite a few low moments but like Victoria says we carry our children in our heart and they are with us always, we are having a family meal today and Mattâs picture will sit at the head of the table and we will have a toast to him
Sending much love and strength to all friends, old and new
Michelle xxxx
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We had Iris last night and she asked for a bedtime story so I pulled a few books out randomly. The first one she wanted was a childhood book of Gemmaâs (Victoria Plum) and Gemma had written her name inside. They are always close
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Hi all
Well this is the start of another year without our loved ones. Right now it feels impossible to go thru the year without them. But it is just 1 day or 1 hour at a time. I have struggled so much last year and donât hold out much hope that this 1 will be any better. Come May it will be 11 yrs since i lost my son Conor. I keep thinking what he would be doing now, married, children etc but no he is forever stuck at 18 yrs old. I am forever stuck with my broken heart. I often wonder when the pain will end. But do i want the pain to end? If the pain was gone so would my love for Conor. So pain is the price we pay for loving and losing our children. I hope we can all find a little peace in what has been the most challenging time of our lives. We just have to keep going as there is no alternative.
Love and hugs to all
Pauline x
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Dear Victoria,
These special signs our precious children send us keep us going and it gives you a warm feeling inside knowing they are communicating with us i can imagine how you felt reading Gemmaâs favourite book , very special
Sendin you much love my friend xxxxx
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Dear Pauline,
Sending you much love and strength to get you through.
Michelle xxxx
No Pauline, I refuse to believe that! My sweet son Joey died less than three months ago and the pain is still very raw. I will never ever ever forget him! He will remain in my heart and soul forever. But I know he would never want me to keep this intense pain forever and have it spoil the relationship I have with his brother. He would want me to live again.
Just a few days before he died - he had cancer - he hugged me tight and said Iâm sorry mom, I donât want to leave you but I have to. Iâm so sorry because I know you will always be sad. 
My sweet boy. He knew me well. But he wouldnât want sadness for me to the point that it would destroy me. I would dishonour him if I let his loss destroy my life.
Youâre in my thoughts, Pauline, and all the other grieving mothers and fathers.
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Hi, same with Lisa. She passed on the Thursday but on Tuesday i went to see her. She pulled her hand from beneath the covers to hold mine and said âwill you be ok Mum?â She knew she wss dying and she knew i knew but the medics had not said anything. I guess they were still trying to stop the virus.
I will miss her every moment of my life butcshe would want me to live and laugh ss she did.
Love to all, Kate xxu
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Hi Pauline - reading what you said the first thing that strikes me is, what about you? Donât you deserve a life for yourself? Donât your feelings count too? We all know itâs a lifetimes journey coping when weâve lost a child, as the years pass, that wonât go away. None of us deserved this, you didnât deserve this. You canât fix the past, none of us can. We do still have our lives tho and (early days for me) we can still live a life thatâs worth living. Not the life we wanted and still bearing the emotional scars and up and down, but there can be better moments. You, me and everyone on here knows we canât be the person we were before but we can survive and live a life that is not all misery and loss. We can give ourselves a break, we all deserve it. Hope this doesnât sound like hogwash, itâs what seems to be true to me. We are all different but we all are fighting to learn to cope, somehow. Weâre all with you Pauline. Xxxxxxx
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Hi Nell2 and others
There is so much that has happened in the last 4 years. That my life seems impossible. I kicked out my abusive husband, inreported him to the police and he was put on the sex offenders register. He told our daughter 19 at the time what he did and she was forced to give evidence in court. She was traumatised by that that her brother and sister cut off contact with me as well. So i have not seen my children or grandchildren in 2 years. I see 1 grandson as i have a relationship with his mother.
Thru covid-19 i was shielding and due to being disabled canât go out much. My estranged husband is now trying to force the sale of my home i have lived in for 23 yrs, where all my memories r. There just doesnât seem anything to be positive about in this new year. I try my best to cope with everything but really see this year as being as bad as the previous years.
I thank u all for ur support.
Love and hugs
Pauline x
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Hi Pauline - youâve had a hell of a time. You have shown a huge amount of strength. I send you all my respect and wishes for better to come. Heartfelt xxxx
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Dear friends, this just popped up on my FB feed. Sums it up perfectly.
GRIEF IS LIKE LIVING TWO LIVES
One is where you pretend that everything is alright
The other is where your heart screams silently in pain.
Love to all, Kate xxx
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Oh kate that is exactly how life is . This false face waiting for my grandchildren to come out . Im hurting inside so bad its cruel âŚ
Hi maddie we all thinking of you and sending you strength and love .
Big hugs to all zoe xxx
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Thankyou Zoe , yes we saw Sarah the first time today since she had her diagnosis , and although last week they said that the mass confined to the lymph in her chest . They rang today and said something is showing up in her bowel , so she has to have a nother test the end of next week , so more waiting . She looked very pale today , and the pain has started to come back in her chest , so she has to increase the steroids again . I feel so sorry for her . I want to hug her and not let her go . Take care Maddie xxxx
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