Hi Davie so very sorry for your loss .theres no words that will make you feel better .your in great shock right now. Nothing will make sense. Just baby steps . Just come on here theres always someone to talk to .im sorry youve joined this horrible road. We are all on . Nothing will makes sense right now sending you a hug take care my friend so sorry xx zoe 
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Dear Dave, its a terrible shock when we lose our child. Nothing prepares us for this. You will feel like you are going round in circles not knowing what to do. People who havent lost a child will say the stupidest things but we here understand completely. We lost our younger daughter July 19. She had her 31st birthday in hospital. Passed away 15 dsys later.
I remember driving back home from Aberdeen to Inverness , around two and a half hours. About an hour in i felt physically sick as I realised i had left my baby alone in the hospital! Crazy i know, she was 31 but still my precious baby girl.
Then as reality kicked in i knew i had to do my best for us all especially our little grandaughter ,only 3 and a half at the time.
Bless her, she thought her mummy would be back at their home. Tragic. Tragic for all of us here.
Keep posting Dave, someone here will always reply.
Much love, Kate x
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Hi Davie73
We r all in the same boat with u. We have all lost a child. There is no quick fix. U will forever feel ur loss. U r a changed person now. It is very new and raw for u just now. There is all of us on the forum to offer u support. There is also counselling, grief journaling etc to be found clicking on the Sue Ryder link at the top of the page. U need to give yourself time. All ur feelings are valid. This is a safe space to air all ur feelings, the good and the bad. We all still have those really bad days.
It will be 11 yrs next month since i lost my son at 18. It is still a hole in my life and heart that can’t be fixed.
Please keep posting.
Love and hugs
Pauline x
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So sorry Dave on the loss of your lovely Boy . I know it’s so hard , our children didn’t deserve to leave us so young . . You will have some wonderful friends on the site , who will understand how you are feeling . So try and keep posting . Maddie xx
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Hi Davie.
As everyone says welcome to the club nobody wants to be a part of. Unfortunately we all find ourselves hear. But you are in good company. The state of shock , confusion and utter heartache will be with you for a long time. But everyone here totally understands only to well .
The trauma of loosing a child is totally devastating. It will effect you in to many ways to mention. You loose your self worth. Your confidence. Your personality will change. People will treat you differently. You will question yourself about everything. The guilt of thinking you could of done something/ anything to have prevented your loss will be immeasurable.
It’s hard to fathom how to carry on afterwards. It’s far to soon for you to try and make any sense of this. Like everyone hear you will be totally shell shocked. There will be certain pinpoints you will live over and over again and again. It’s totally normal after suffering the loss you have have had. That you will loose sleep. Loose your appetite. You will look for help out of the hell you find yourself in. Everyone of us has been there. You can’t relate to people that haven’t lost a child because they can’t comprehend what you are feeling. Unfortunately there are no quick fixes. We have all tried . The doctors. Drinking, counselling. Therapy. First of all you need to just learn how to breathe again. There are many mountains you will have to climb on your way back to any form of normality. But you will do it !!! You won’t know how. It’s a very slow journey. In the early days it’s all you can do to just try and get out of bed each day. It will!! Change you as a person.
The one thing that nobody see,s coming is how the people around you will act differently towards you. Friends, work colleagues, neighbours. I can’t speak for everybody but people will definitely distance themselves from you because they don’t know what to say to you.
You may think how you feel at the present, there will never be a way to see past that.
But over time you will adapt. You will learn to live with yourself again. You may not want to at the moment. But that’s natural. Finding a reason to live after the loss of a child is very hard. But you will find a way. None of this is easy to understand as you are still in shock. There are no books that tell you how to live a normal life again as it’s something you have to live through in your own way. People find solace in whatever way they can. Just to step out of the house in the early days is like climbing Everest.
There’s hope though. There is always hope. As the weeks pass you will get stronger, you will also get used to the new different person that you will become. Come on here and post anything at whatever time someone is always listening. I find myself sat downstairs in the small hours on my own many a night. As do many others. Without out be patronizing. It’s a big learning curve. We are not programmed for this . But there is a way through. Your mind will take over and lead you, sometimes in ways that you don’t see coming.
It gets very lonely as it feels like nobody can feel your pain. But that’s why this site is a godsend. Try not to be to hard on yourself. Everything you experience from this point on is just a natural reaction to the loss of your son.
Take care. And remember there is always something to talk to on this site. People who understand
Thanks for listening
Jim
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Dear Davie,
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious
son and that you have had to join us on this site, you have had some lovely replies and i do hope you find comfort in the kind words, everyone here is so supportive, you are amongst friends now and we are the only people who truly know how you are feeling, like Jim says please believe that one day you will start to live a little and actually enjoy some things, it will never be like before that life has gone but you will start to live alongside your grief but for now like Zoe says just take baby steps and be kind to yourself, sending you love and hugs 
Michelle xxxx
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Such a lovely song about heaven
called ‘When I get there’ by Pink.
It reminds me so much of Gemma and her best friend, Emma. I hope you like it. I tried to copy it but couldn’t but you can just Google the title 
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Oh victoria i love that song .I have her album in my car great song… so lovely.
My grandson 7 tomorrow . Everything reminds me of sam . Two years ago that was the last time sam went to my daughters house .he got all the children a present. He wanted them to have a nice present a memory i suppose .20 days later uncle sam was gone …the sadness is so bad tonight .miss him so much… my jess been sobbing wrapping presents saying mum i just want him back…its cruel. I remember everyone got him an easter egg and he couldnt eat them . Every occasion is tinged with sadness…
Its mad but all music means different things to us . Sams song giant i love it and the lloyds advert have played it with the horses for two years. Sam loved the one before .then the song we play at his funeral was on it .it gave me comfort. My sam that beautiful stallion its a mad connection. They have just changed it the girl riding the bike and the horse goes back when she falls my jess fav song this girl is on fire .still the connection my boy galloping free the black stallion, maybe im nuts but it still a comfort.
Well victoria i hope theres a bar up there i was told by a medium sam has music up there he loved music, so i hope there all having a party and even an easter rgg for easter. sending all my love sorry for rambling love to all of you this easter sending big hugs love zoe
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Dear Zoe, I always think of you and your Sam whenever I hear ‘Giant’ now. Such a great song. For a long time after losing Gemma I couldn’t listen to music and even now some days I find it too hard. Gemma loved music. Her son, Coren, close ‘Supermarket Flowers’ by Ed Sheehan for her service. It was suggested by Adrian, our vicar who knew Gemma well, so I find it too hard to listen to that. Enjoy your grandson’s birthday and have a lovely Easter. Much love to you
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How mad victoria played that at my mums funeral .another favourite .you have good easter too xx:heart: much
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Lovely song Victoria sending love and hugs to everyone and hope you all have a peaceful Easter
Love Michelle xxxx
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Hello all dear friends , hope you had a lovely Easter . I have felt so low and weepy . Losing Dawnwas the worse possible NowvSarah with cancer . But now I still cannot believe we haven’t seen our Grandaughter Aimee , we were so so close , but since Sarah was diognosed with this awful illness , we have not seen her since Xmas . She only lives 5 mins away , I keep asking her why haven’t we seen you , not even a text . She keeps making excuses . My husband feels so hurt . I understand she is worried about her mum
. But she goes to work goes out with her friends . But to finish it all off . Our other beautiful Grandaughter we haven’t seen since Xmas day . We wanted to get her Easter eggs to her . But we were only aloud to meet her outside her house , thanks to Sarah husband that hates me . I just feel so so sad , we used to have just a lovely family . Atllrast we met up with a couple of friends yesterday . They were so shocked when we told them we hadn’t had any one round since Xmas . . . I must admit it has been our choice . Not to see anyone because of Sarah . But I must admit I have been feeling so lonely and depressed , it’s been so hard some days to carry on . Sorry to be so depressing , it feels so good to get it off your chest . As I know not anyone really understands . Maddie xxx
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Dear Maddie,
Im so sorry you are going through all of this, ive been thinking of you today, about how horrendous it is for all of us to have lost a child 
and now your only other child is poorly too, its just not fair im so sorry, i pray that sarah gets the all clear and then things will get a little easier, then you can just focus on you and John for a bit, sending you a big hug and much love
Michelle xxxx
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Hi Maddie, I have also been thinking of you today. I think Matt is very unkind. I am sure that when Sarah is better that things will change for you all. Sending you a big hug and I’ll call you tomorrow? xxx
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Thankyou Daryl , hope you have had a nice Easter xx
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Thankyou Michelle for your kind words , losing our beloved children is so hard . So why is it the family we have make it so hard to understand how we are struggling . Especially when Sarah is so poorly , , and we are still grieving for Dawn . With love Maddie xxx
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Dear Maddie, you must be feeling awful. I don’t understand why your family are being so horrid. Sarahs husband must be at the root of it all. I hope so very much that when Sarah is better she will unite the family again.
My thoughts are with you. Hope you can find something nice to do today with your husband. Life is so hard at times.
Sending love and hugs.
Kate xxx
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Dear Maddie
I’m so sorry (and angry on your behalf) to read your post.
It beggars belief that you’ve been denied the chance to see your Grandchildren and of course Sarah. I wish there was something practical to suggest. Perhaps write a letter to Sarah?
I just pray that things improve once Sarah’s treatment concludes. Her husband isn’t considering you and John at all which is so frustrating and cruel too.
Sending you lots of love Maddie. We’re all standing with you.
Big hugs
Purple
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Thankyou Kate and Purple .I hope you are having a peaceful Easter . Sending love to you all . Maddie xx
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Dear Maddie,
I have been reading all the posts, and like everyone else cannot understand how Sarah’s husband can do this to you. He will get his come uppance, they always do.
All you can do is stay strong for yourself and John and I am sure like Victoria said Sarah will eventually reunite all of you,
Love Helen
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