Hello all dear friends . I just thought I would let you know . It’s all bitter sweet . Sarah has had the all clear , she has no cancer in her body . Those words are the best after losing Dawn . The last 4 months have been hell . And our life stopped . But the pressure has cost us dearly . I asked Sarah if we could make up with the family , meaning her bloody husband . But know it all kicked off , and we have now fallen out with all of them . Including our Grandaughter . Who we have been so close . . The only one is our Grandson Jack he is amazing . He said Nanny just let them
get on with it . You have not done anything really wrong . But yesterday was so hard , the news was just what we wanted . I wish Sarah knew how many nights we havent slept and the tears I have shed , and our life has been none existent . . I don’t think we will ever make up again . But all that matters is that Sarah is free from this awful illness . With Love Maddie . Xx
Oh no! What a shame but good news Sarah is cancer free. Hopefully she will see sense soon.
Thinking of you and your hurting heart.
Lots of love.
Kate xx
Thankyou Kate , so much xx
Maddie that is the best news!! It really really is ok for you to look after yourself for a bit. You must be exhausted and it might take a bit of time for it to sink in that Sarah’s ok after all the worry. It might take a bit of time for Sarah too. Take heart, things can improve now when all the family have had a while to get back some normality. You’ve all had a really tough time, especially you Maddie because you love Sarah so much. Xxxxxx
Thankyou Nell , for your very kind words . Yes I am hoping somewhere down the line we might make up . The pressure on all of us has been unbearable . Last week I couldn’t take anymore and I cracked up . Wish it hadn’t of happened . Hope you are coping ok . Sending you love Maddie xx
Hi Daisy
Welcome to the truly awful club of bereaved parents. It is so truly devastating to lose a child. U r at the very beginning of this journey of grief. U r still in shock. There is no way u could have done anything to save him. It is totally normal to feel like this. There will always be someone on here to talk anytime. This is a safe space for u to say how u really feel. U dont have to pretend to be “fine” here. Next month will be 11 yrs since i lost my son and i still struggle daily. We have all felt the feelings of what is the reason to go on. But we all keep each other going here. Give urself some time and space. I hope u have a couple of friends u can talk to properly and share ur true feelings. Everyone here will support u.
Love and hugs
Pauline x
Hi Maddie
Such good news and deveststing news at the same time. I hope given time Sarah will realise what is important and u can reconcile.
Love and hugs
Pauline x
Thankyou Pauline for your lovely kind words . . Life test us to the very limit some days , and we wonder what we have done to do deserve all this Daisey I am so sorry for your loss . I am so sorry you have had to join this club . . With love Maddie xx
Dear Daisy
I’m so very sorry you’re with us here and without your son. My heart breaks for you. 
I lost my son in October 2019 and this site saved me. People here understand when no one else does.
Please just take each hour at a time. Life won’t make any sense for a long time but it will wait for you to find your way. We’re all walking with you on our journeys which are lifelong.
Feeling guilty is so common. We should be able to protect our children. We wish we could swap places with them. We all know these feelings.
Keep posting and sharing your grief with us.
Sending you much love and a hug.
Purple
Hi Kate,
I rarely reply on this site, it’s just too heartbreaking, but I read yours and it gave me a glimmer of hope.
I lost my beautiful son, in December, he was just 35, 10 months after diagnosis of bowel cancer, leaving a 5 month old baby boy and daughter of 2 1/2 years old.
I spend my life now pretending I’m ok, for others, only my poor husband sees differently behind closed doors…
My grandchildren, who I think of as little gifts from heaven and daughter keep me going. Today my brave daughter runs in the London marathon for her brother (she would tell you, she’s not a ‘runner’ never having done anything like this before). I will be there cheering her on with my broken heart and trying to keep a smile on my face but screaming and crying inside.
I look forward to the day, as you say when I can move forward slightly, never ever ‘get over this’ (how could we, part of us had died too) but enjoy some sort of life, otherwise what will be the point and I can hear my son urging me on.
I love and miss him so so much.
Sending heartfelt best wishes to you all xxx
Dear friend, i can feel what you will feel today. So full of pride seeing your daughter run in the Marathon at the same time the tears will flow for your beloved son. Its always going to be like this for us.
Our elder daughter, Jemma and I took Brooke to Tenerife in the easter holidays. It was amazing and Brookes swimming came on leaps and bounds. When we were home i took her to our local pool and she said she would like to try for her length. So, without further ado we went to the deep end together and i swam beside her. I found myself saying ‘lisa darling, can you see her, your little girl, can you see her?’
As you say, our grandchildren are precious gifts from our lost children. Given to us to keep us living, to give us purpose and a lifelong commitment to help raise them to be the best they can be.
I will be watching the Marathon today when i can and will be cheering your girl wherever she is.
Much love dear friend, it it what it is, we just have to keep going till we are all at the finishing line.xxxx
Dear friend my heart is with you today I specially watching your daughter run a marathon in love and devotion to her brother ,your tears will flow iam sure no shame in that in-fact I’d say it’s most natural you’ll have so many mixed emotions .maybe you’ll realise what your daughter is doing today is what you feel like your doing daily only to get so far then back steps iam sure your so very proud of your daughter .and the day will come when you learn to live alongside your grief it’s part of you it’s not going to go away but as time passes you will learn to live happy again iam happ6 youv also got a husband whom understands like I do but sadly my husband also died 19 months ago the pain grief starts all over again just a different sort of grief but it hurts so so badly ,he’s my rock my pillow the one I shared everything with life can throw the worst things at us I will think on your daughter today and have a thought for you waiting at the finishing line full of happiness for your daughter grief for your child so emotional hope rain stays off for you all 
Further to my first reply. Our eldest daughter Jemma set up a Just Giving Page after Lisa’s passing. It was to raise funds for the ECMO IC Ward at Aberdeen Royal. Bless her beautiful soul she raised nearly 12K! We are still in touch with some of Lisas nursing team who fell in love with her in those long days she spent in hospital. She was so kind to them all, never complained or got angry. She just accepted her situation with dignity, my poor darling. She was a very special young woman in every way. So is Jemma. She now does voluntary work with the British Lung Foundation online. Always has her sister in her heart as will your beautiful brave daughter.
Much love, Kate xxx
That’s so amazing and your been incredibly brave is the just giving page still live and running.
Take good care of yourself
Hi Maddie
Such good good news to hear, now you can just sit back take a deep breath and look after yourself and John, Sarah will come to her senses eventually, and you can put yourcarms around her, her husband sounds very controlling and Sarah will see that for herself, it seems that Jack is the only one that has any common sense and can see all the furore for what it is…keep talking to Jack.
With love
Helen
Thankyou Helen , yes Jack says just let them get on with it . . He said you haven’t really done anything wrong . Aimee should be ashamed of herself as well , after all we have done for her . But it’s done now . I must admit I feel so lonely at times . As we have put our life on hold for the last 4 months . And it’s hard to get it started again . But atleast we are going to try and book a holiday now . So that will be something to look forward to . And next Sunday we are going to Eastbourne for a reading with Jackie . So hope Dawn comes through again as I have 70 questions to ask her . Hope you are keeping well , and things are ok with you . Love Maddie xx
Thankyou. I dont really know how these just giving pages work but its nearly 4 years since we lost Lisa so i guess it will have closed. You will find all my story way back if you want to.
Love to you.
Kate xx
Hi Kate
I hope your managing to manage your grief in a peaceful way it’s so unbelievably and unimaginative inner pain of the loss of a child soul destroying part of me died myself then as years pass my hubby was my inner strength rock soulmate only person whom truly excepted the new me then I lost him too I honestly thought I’d never hurt again but I do hurt iv had grief grief and grief nobody truly gets what life’s like now for me loneliness is incredibly hard nobody to share that morning tea with or to talk on our child with life can be cruel big hugs
Hi grieving mum
We r forever changed after the loss of our children. It is just not supposed to happen. I am glad u r on this site even if u feel u can’t post. We r all here for each other. We can all relate to the fake smile and telling people u r “fine” and that is only for the people who still even ask. Most people avoid even asking or pretend our children didn’t exist. It is important that u can share how u really feel. We r all here for u
Love and hugs
Pauline x