It is a kind of magic to talk about them. It certainly makes me feel good when others bring my daughter into a conversation.
How does anyone else feel?
Love Chris x
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Dear Bir89c
Yes i 100% agree. Unfortunately people just donât mention them very often. I think people can be fearful of our reactions.
Lovely words
Love and hugs
Pauline x
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Hiya Pauline and Maddie - from what I have learned about a death in the family, particularly our own children, a family crisis is the norm rather than the exception. When my daughter died we went from a âniceâ family into something that would have appeared on the Jeremy Kyle show. All of us behaved in unexpected and damaging ways to one another. After a lot of heartache on top of the grief I decided to stand back and stop trying to fix it. Within a few weeks things began to improve and slowly, slowly we are all learning to respect and care for each other again. It wonât happen overnight and weâve all changed but there is now a bit of hope. I stopped expecting the family to join together happily as if nothing had happened. Distancing myself for a bit certainly helped me and I think it helped them too. Donât give up hope, but enjoy your holiday, you and your husband deserve it. You count too. Sending love xxxxxx
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Thankyou Nell , I decided I would text Sarah 2 weeks ago as someone tolls me she wasnât feeling well . And I couldnât stand it , she did come back but it was straight to the point , she said the chemo had put a lot of Strains on her body . But the doc said she was doing ok . , and obviously they are keeping an eye on her . So I thought I would text her again , but nothing . Then she did text out of the blue last Sunday to ask how our friends daughter was doing as she is only 22 and has just had a brain tumour removed , and now had had a biopsy and have found out it is brain cancer . , they are waiting to see what grade it is . . I feel so sorry for them we all know what they are going through . Then I found out Sarah was going to Malaga , , she never told us , but I am so pleased she so deserved it . . I text again to say have a lovely time , and she did text back with a kiss on bottom . I know we will never be the same again , but tell you the truth i we havenât been the same since left us . But as long as I know she is alright and we can keep in touch that is something . Yes Pauline I know what you mean people donât seem to want to talk about our love ones , I really donât think they know what to say . I talk to Dawn all the time and I know she is around . When we went to see Jackie on the Angel Board Dawn said she visit once a day . And couldnât believe it , she actually asked if we felt her around us . We were shocked . How can you not believe they are not with us . Hope you are all enjoying the lovely weather . Sending love to all Maddie xxx
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Thanks Nell, i keep hope that there will be reconciliation with my children who r all adults now but it has been 2 and a half years so i donât keep that hope present. As it is to painful. Missing out on my granddaughters lives as well. I am so lucky i get to see my grandsons thru their Motherâs as my son would not allow it. 11 years since my son died and all the damage it did to the family just seems like it will never end. My parents and siblings just disapproved of everything we did for the funeral that i will never talk to them again. So i guess history is repeating itself other than i did not do sonething so awful to cause the spilt with my children. I just try not to let it bother me. The birthdays, xmasâs, mothers days i now spend alone as well as Conorâs death anniversary and birthday. I just try to ignore all that pain and hope when i am gone they will not feel guilty. I have organised my funeral so that there wonât be any service and my ashes will be given to my best friend who will scatter Conor and I together.
I hope Sarah comes round and take lots of hope from those messages she does respond to. There is hope there. I had a visit from the police as a result of my texting once a month as they classed it as harassment. So u really r in a good place even though it feels bad.
Love and hugs to all
Pauline x
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Hi Chris, there was a time when I couldnât talk about Gemma at all. But then that made me feel sad as I felt as though I was abandoning her. I do talk about her now, although mainly with my family. We had a family barbecue today and it was lovely to chat about her although I have to admit that I miss her more and more, so there is a such a sadness that she is not physically here with us. But that will always be the case so we just have to do the best we can. Much love to you xx
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Pauline thats so sad that texting once a month is harassment! How ridiculous things have become in this world.
I hope that being here with us all is some comfirt to you.
Much love, Kate xx
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I completely agree. That doesnât sound like harassment to me ⌠it sounds very unfair. I too am glad you found this little group where we are free to say how we feel xxx
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Thanks Kate and Victoria
Finding this site has kept me sane and alive many times. When things become overwhelming i know i can come here and let out all the sadness and negative emotions and feel heard and supported. It really makes things easier. I appreciate all of u on this site. It is comforting to know that the deveststing loss of a child can have to power to destroy families and i am not the only 1 that this has happened to. I am sad that anyone is going thru similar issues but for myself it is a comfort to know i am not alone.
I have spent so long trying to work out what i did wrong as a parent, daughter and wife that so much destruction would come from such devestating loss. Constantly blaming myself. To find out 3+ years into counselling i didnt do anything wrong, everyone else just took their feelings out on me. The safe person to take those feelings out on as i would always take it and still love them. I am called on for emergencies when their kids need collecting from school due to illness or 1 is in hospital and the other child need looked after. I immediatley do what is asked and none will even knock on the door to collect the child. I get a message they r outside and i have to send the child out without going out myself. This happens rarely and i used to think reconciliation would happen due to this but no. 2 yrs ago i posted money in cards for xmas thru all their doors and it all came back saying we want nothing to do with u. The police visit happened that xmas after sending messages wishing them all a nice xmas and knowing it is hard having an empty chair around the xmas table. It was then i realised i have this huge dining table with all the chairs empty. I never thought i would be the person u see on xmas appeals about people being on their own with no family to spend the festive period with. I am 53 and am that person. Even though i still have 3 children and 7 grandchildren counting the 3 grandchildren from previous relationships. I have never said that to anyone, even myself. But that is the raw thruth.
Love and hugs to all
Pauline x
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Hi chris i love that i always want to talk about my sam .some people just avoid you sending love zoe
Pauline so sorry all youve been through i hope this site brings you some comfortâ¤ď¸
Maddie you deserve your holiday at least sarah replyed thats a start. Just to be connected try yo enjoy it big hugsâ¤ď¸
Wishing you all peace and love .we all want to talk yo our lost loved ines i hope they can hear us much love zoe 
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Nell im glad your familys mending i know you help a lot of people on here
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Dear All,
Have been catching up on all your posts, i love to talk about Matt and bring him into conversations as it helps to keep them with us, like Victoria says the continuing bonds really does help, i miss Matt so much and as time is passing itâs not getting easier its harder and all the time i fear that for others his memory will fade,i feel i owe it to him to make sure he is remembered, im trying to live the best life i can by trying not to stay down but to keep fighting on and put on my happiest and bravest face as this helps to lift others,
im so sorry for you Pauline you have suffered so much and its so unfair how you have been treated by your family 
you are very brave and i am so glad you are able to come on this site and find comfort 
,
Maddie i hope you have a lovely holiday and am pleased you are making a little bit of progress with Sarah
Sending much love to all, hope you are all enjoying been outside in this lovely weather and looking for signs amongst all the beautiful nature 
Love Michelle xxxx
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Thankyou Michelle , and Zoe hope you had a lovely stay in Dorset . Love Maddie xx
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Was beautiful didnt want to come home to reality xxx
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Hi All
Thanks so much Michelle. I am very grateful for all the support and understanding here. I certainly believe in continuing bonds. I frequently get signs especially at night when i have switched off my bedside lamp and it will turn itself back on. It is so reassuring to know Conor is there with me. I feel he is offering me his support to get thru those dark times.
So glad Zoe u had a good break away and Maddie hopefully u will come home from ur holiday and Sarah will be more receptive to u.
It really is all we can do on here is give support and encouragement to each other, to get us thru the bad days and share the good days.
Love and hugs to all
Pauline x
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Never feel alone Pauline. We are bonded together through our loss. Onlybwe know how it feels. We are family here.
Love to you dear friend.
Katen xx
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I know what you mean about the support and understanding. We hold each other up and we all benefit. Coming on here makes a difference to me everyday, whether I post or just see whatâs happening. Till I came on here I thought it was just my family behaving weirdly and some of them becoming people I donât even like. Now I see itâs pretty common. When my girl died I was totally overwhelmed and thought I was going mad, this place has shown me no one gets over it, but I do believe itâs possible to learn to live a meaningful life again. Different, and not what I wanted but thereâs hope. Itâs slowly, slowly and back and forth and thatâs good enough and an improvement!
I couldnât have even got this far without support and Iâm very grateful for it. Sending love xxxxx
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Dear Nell, just after reading your post, I came across this which I thought was beautifully written and so hopeful xxx
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Thats true nice words hope your ok xxxzoexx
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Thank you Victoria. Sending hugs xxxxxx
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