Thankyou Victoria , glad you loved your cruise , I am sure was with you all the way . Let’s speak soon xx
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So sorry , should of said Gemma xx
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Hi all ,not been on for a while .birthdays anniversary always the hardest .thank you for all your continued support . Michelle you celerbrated matts birthday so lovely .love that caterpillar cake .that was sams favourite .miss my boy so much .life so hard . Lovely you have Brooke im sure you will have fun kate ,be thinking of you …maddie and victoria glad you enjoyed your hols .thinking of everyone ive not mentioned take care my lovely friends could not get through with out you much love zoe 
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Hi Zoe nice to see you here again, I often think of you and wonder how you are as our heartbreaking journeys started around the same time. I hardly ever post as I don’t really have any encouraging comments to make, everything stays the same and as you say it’s so hard. I feel like I am just waiting. I do find all the comments on here very supportive tho, thanks to everyone. Take care.
Love Jess xx
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Hi Jess i always think of you to my lovely friend . Our life changed forever the day we lost our boys . I know life goes on for everybody but you sort of walk about a bit numb really . Our hearts are broken 
always here jess if you want to talk much love zoe
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Thanks Zoe. We have been broken in a way we could never have imagined.
It feels to me like half my chest has been ripped out and there is now a hole, a big empty space.
I can never totally relax again and feel complete, I mean that everything is as it should be and in the right place like it used to be. Nothing feels right anymore, it just feels wrong.
It feels like that no matter what good things might happen in the future there will always be that empty space, not having him around, just hoping to see him again one day.
I put on a brave face but am forever screaming on the inside and hoping the screams get quieter eventually. Love xxx
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So very true dear friend. I feel exactly the same. The time of year as well. It will be 4 years on 25th and Lisa’s birthday on the 10th. I am away atm at Jemmas with Brooke. Lovely times but theres always that empty seat at the table. We will all just have to live the best we can. We hide so much from folk though.
Much love.
Kate xxx
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Sad times Kate . Hope you find comfort with each other and share some happy memories together xxxx
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Dear Friends,
Zoe Jess its lovely to hear from you both, as Kate says we all feel the same, i personally find i need to mark the anniversaries by doing special things as it does help me and the rest of the family, even now though 4 years on i sometimes think as this really happened as my precious boy gone, its hard sometimes to post but i try to do it just incase it may help someone else, keep posting on here even if its to say nothings changed or you feel low or you had a good day, it helps us all to hear from each other, i feel so close to everyone on hear and worry when we dont hear from them
Victoria i love that 
it sums up exactly how i feel, when others mentioned Matt it warms my heart and makes me sparkle 
sending you a big hug 
Sending love to you all 
Michelle xxxx
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Dear Michelle, when you post it is always so inspiring and helps me so much on this journey.
When Bill and I were on holiday, we climbed up tons beautiful viewing spot when I suddenly saw Gemma! It wasn’t my darling girl of course. She had her back to me and was the same height and size as Gemma. She had exactly the same colour hair and was wearing it up just like Gemma did. It is hard to describe how I felt but I could not stop crying … it felt as though my beautiful girl was back with us for a few precious moments xxx
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Dear Friends, its so good to have you all to talk to. Its hard enough day to day getting on with life as we all now know it.
Without this forum i really don’t know where i would be. I know there are a few who haven’t posted recently but i hope you are doing ok. Its just good to know that there are people who we can say anything at all to, whenever we need to.
Thinking of you all.
Much love. Kate xxx
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Morning , all dear friends , I have a photo of Dawn beside my side of the bed and it has slid off twice one on her anniversary and another this year when we came back from holiday . I always put my hand there and sort of give her a kiss . This morning I looked at her and felt very weepy , as I thought how could this off happened how could we possibly of lost her , all of a sudden it just felt I had never of had her she seemed so far away .How could that be . All of a sudden I felt very lonely . Kate I will be thinking of you on Lisa birthday and anniversary . Such an emotional tome for you , but I know you have such a wonderful family and you will help each other through it , Yes Michelle , arnt we lucky to have all found one another , you have all been my life line . As it’s very rare that any one mention Dawn . We have a friend that has only been given a few months to live and he loved Dawn , and he says hopefully I will meet up with Dawn in Heaven . What do you say to something like that ? Victoria , I am so sorry you had such bitter sweet feelings on holiday Pehaps that was meant to be that you thought you saw Gemma , it was a message to let you know that she is with you , I know it is sad , it’s happened to me so many times , that I thought I have seen Dawn , and for a minute it gives you a warm feeling. , just to feel upset afterwards . Take care everyone , with love Maddie xxx
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Dear Victoria,
Thank you for your kind words, you and many of our dear friends on this site inspire me so much, even when its to say you had a bad day as you did on holiday , like Maddie said Gemma was sending you a sign to let you know shes with you, but it was then a reminder that she was no longer on this earth but she will always be safely tucked inside your heart pocket 
Sending love to you Victoria, zoe, kate, Maddie, Jess, jim, Helen, Chris, Purple, Deborah, Anne, Pauline, Nell, and please forgive me me if ive missed anyone, take care and remember you are never alone Michelle xxxx
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Beautiful messages i know its a club we didnt want to join but just want to say thank you from the bottem of my heart for welcoming me and making me part of this lovely family xxx zoe
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Hiya Zoe, matts mom, Victoria, Lisa’s mum and everyone on here who has listened and shared with me for over a year and a half. Thank you. Always someone here who ‘gets it’ on the good days and on the bad days. We hold each other up on this awful journey. Stronger together. Sending love to everyone here. Xxxxx
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Hi All and VictoriaP
That pic says it all. Only nobody mentions my son’s name. So i never have the sparkle. I just live in the dark. Now my divorce is finally going ahead i am losing my home where all my children grew up, where all the memories r. I know our memories r in our hearts and minds but its going to be so hard leaving the place all those memories came from. Its like when i go to his favourite restaurant it brings a flood of memories rushing back. I feel like i am losing him all over again. I have felt unable to express these feelings over recent months fearing it would open the flood gates. However much i pretend and deny those feelings they r there. I just can’t give in to them as i may never stop crying. U r all so strong and i feel like a fraud. 11 years on and i am still a mess.
A friend saw a picture of my granddaughters who i have not seen in over 2 and a half years and sent it to me. It broke my heart at how much i have missed of their lives but there is still no hope of reconciliation with my family. I feel like it is just trauma and more trauma. I don’t know how much more i can take of getting up every day and pretending to be normal. How can i lose my son Conor and then end up losing my other 3 children because of my youngests father abuse of me. Here is a pic of my beautiful daughter and my granddaughters Ellie the oldest and Aubree the youngest x
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Dear Pauline,
I am so sorry you are not able to see your grandchildren lovely photograph, sending you a hug and big love i hope one day you will all be able to come together as a family again Michelle xxxx
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Oh Pauline , feel so sorry for you stay strong , what ever you do Conner will be in your heart . You have got the chance to mo be forward . You don’t owe anything to your family , They have been horrendous to you . . I do know what it’s like , I haven’t seen my youngest Grandaughter , only for 10 mins since last Xmas . She is Nearly 15 now . And when she was young we virtually bought her up . We all used to be so close . We are thankful as Sarah is so well , and we have started talking . We don’t do anything Mother and Daughter . She doesn’t see me as her mother , like used to with mine we were best friends . And I do feel so hurt . I do feel like I have lost 2 daughters . And feel so lonely most days . Please keep posting and let us know how you are moving on . With love Maddie xx
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Thinking of you Pauline. Life can be so cruel.
Love and hugs.
Kate xxx
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