I know what you mean I went through that bad tempered phase and telling people what I thought. Like you my smoking and drinking wine has been out of control since my son died last.march. To keep him with me I had a silver heart pendant with his fingerprint engraved on it.
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Hello to all the lovely friends on here,
Its so nice to touch base with each other on this site, its just over 4 years since we lost our precious Son Matt, i am struggling with the fact that its getting longer and i miss him so much, i try to involve him everything we do as a family as he still exists and will always be my first born my only son, i sometimes worry that im carrying on without him and feel guilty, its hard to talk to others as you worry they may tire of hearing how much we miss our children but on this site we are united amongst friends who truly understand , not long after Matt passed i had a tattoo also on the inside of my lower arm, it has a picture of a dragonfly which Matt had sent photos of whilst he was in Africa a few days before he passed, i also had words " Mathew Gift from God , sleep well my Angel " we have a special connection with Dragonflies since we lost Mathew 
sending you all much love and remember our precious children will always be safely tucked inside our Heart pockets
Michelle xxxx
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Hello all
Itās great that we can all talk here. I lost my daughter in June 2022 and I want to talk about her all the time but Iām scared people donāt want to listen as their lives are same and move on everyday. I get up everyday most days I force myself to but itās Groundhog Day for me. Live doesnāt move on for me. I feel as if it never will ! Itās never going to be th same. Iām never going to be the same. How on earth do we cope with life now. Xx. Love to all of you here. Xx. My heart goes out to you all x
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Sadly my love none of us here will ever be the same. I think about my daughter every minute of the day. When i am with friends and when i am alone, driving, passing places we used to go together. All the time. Our granddaughter helps me to remember our beautiful daughter, her Mummy. Its sad too that this lovely wee girl is growing up without her Mummy.
We just have to live the best we can. Do whatever seems to ease the pain.
Like Michelle we are 4 years on and i think we miss them more as time passes.
Love to you.
Kate xx
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Yes we will never be the same again, if only we could change that. Iām happy with my own company, my own opinion is that I think a lot of people who think they understandā¦.how can they when they arenāt in this hell, are a waste of space and canāt be dealing with niff faff things. As for my attitude and temper, well that is not good at the moment, but canāt change how I feel about things. Little steps xx
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You feel what you feel dear friend. Anger is all part of the grieving process. Dont beat yourself up about feeling that way.
Love to you
Kate xx
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Good advice in a nutshell Kate.
We are allowed to feel whatever we feel.
Love Chris x
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Thank you Kate and Chris for those kind words much appreciated. Already walked this morning, just got in from a quick bike ride, had to get out of the house again, released some more energy. Take care both of you, big hugs xx
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When we lost Gemma, she left behind her two beautiful boys. There is 12 years between them. The last week especially we have missed her so much in their lives.
Charlie is growing fast and aware of it. A few days ago he was looking at himself in the mirror. Then he turned to me and said āGrandma what do you think Mummy would think if she saw me now?ā Bless his heart. I told him that she would be very proud of him, proud of the lovely boy he has become and surprised that he had grown so tall. That pleased him!
His older brother has just moved into a new house with his girlfriend and is so excited. He called me as soon as he picked up the keys as he wanted to show me his lovely house.
It was bitter sweet for me as I kept thinking it should be his mum here admiring his new home, chatting about the garden and the lovely kitchen. Instead he has me.
Life is moving on for us without our precious girl and that is what I find so hard. We have no choice but to move forward but I know that Gemma is with us in everything we do and looking down and watching out for her precious boys still xxx
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Hi Victoria - you are so right, life is moving on for our grandkids. Thatās a good thing but I understand how you feel. My grandkids recently moved into a lovely new home with their dad and her kids. His girlfriend is now pregnant and I wish them happiness, but Iād be lying if I pretended it didnāt hurt. Thereās definately a tension between being so glad the girls are getting on with their lives and the sadness that my girl is not part of it cos sheās dead. This grief journey we are on will never end and will always affect us because even tho they arenāt here we still love them. Sometimes I look at an expression, or a remark my grandkids make or something they do and I think thatās so like my girl. Iām like so many on here, Iām keeping on keeping on. Lifeās better than it was in the early days cos Iām better at sitting with my feelings and a bit nicer to myself. Sending you love xxxxxx
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All rings so true. Our son in law met someone just before Christmas. It hasnt progressed but when he got the courage to tell us, i wished him well then cried for the rest of the day!
I knew he would struggle tbh as he is still very obviously still in love with our Lisa . Bless his soul.
Yesterday i was minding Brooke as it was an in service day. They live in a lovely new house in a small crescent full of young children. It was such a tonic seeing them all running in and out of each others gardens, getting bikes, skate boards and scooters. It was a joy. I sat in the house all day watching tv apart from giving her lunch and heading out for ice cream. I too wonder what her beautiful Mum would think of her amazing little girl!
Love to all,
Kate xx
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Dear Nell, Kate and friends,
I knew you would understand. I find it hard to express myself sometimes to my family as I donāt want them to feel upset.
Coren, my eldest grandson, has a very poor relationship with his dad, who is a bully.
A few weeks ago Coren lost his job as a pub manager and his home, because he lived in. The owner wanted his son and new wife to take over. Coren was offered another job miles away and he was devastated. Then the owner suddenly collapsed and died in the middle of it all ā¦ leaving Coren in a state of anxiety.
He has now got a better job and a lovely house. But his dad was so awful to him instead of supporting him that I fear their relationship will not recover, so he only has us. He told us that he feels so anxious now at the thought of talking to his dad again. His other grandparents are horrible and have not visited him once since he lost his mum.
He has been leaning on us a lot over the last few weeks and it has been so hard for him but I am pleased things have come right and he is happy. We always tell him that he can come to us no matter what the problem is and we will help him and always be there for him. Because his mum took her own life, I am terrified that he might go down that road.
I know you are all the same and we would go to the ends of the earth for our families especially now. So sorry for offloading this on to you all xxx
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Oh Kate , itās so hard when the son in laws move forward . When Dawns husband moved on it was a month after she passed I was devastated ,. How could he do that .But some men canāt live without a woman in their lives , I cried and cried he even went to the Caribbean a month after Dawn passed . Thatās why we donāt talk
to him now . Oh Kate I am sure he loves your Darling Lisa . , but I know itās hard on you . Sarah is doing well , we have just got back from Menorca , but as usual hard to go away , as 2 weeks before we went she had shingles and then went straight into Covid . My heart aches for her . She is feeling very anxious she has had to call Macmillan , she is starting therapy . I could do with it myself has had to go to Docs as not feeling well . The first thing she said ,have you been stressed . So I told her her , what the last few years she been like . Been having palatations , so ecg and blood test Friday . How else do you exspain a broken heart . With love to all Maddie xxc
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Hello friends,
I felt very emotional reading your recent messages 
it is so very hard the way everyone about us is moving on with their lives and we have to ponder on all the what ifs, Victoria it melted my heart when you said how Charlie asked what would his Mom think of him, bless his little heart, i am so pleased everything has worked out for Coren , Nell and Kate i can imagine how hard it is to see your childrens partners in new relationships we see Mattās girlfriend a lot and she is living with someone now who seems like a lovely chap but she openly says Matt will always be her true love, i remember when she told me last year she was with someone and even though i was happy for her we both cried, yes its so hard that we have to watch everyone moving on as we will never move on but we have to support everyone around us and put on our best act but on here we can express just how heartbroken we really are, sending you much love and support
Victoria kate Nell and Maddie
Michelle xxxx
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Hi all .your texts made me very emotional.life goes on and things change .but our hearts are broken its like i wear a mask .we smile and say im ok .but under the surface we are always thinking about our babys i m glad your families are all getting on your grandchildren are lucky to have you. Brookes growing up so fast shes beautiful.you have all helped me so much sending you all much love zoe
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Lovely photo, can see their mom in both of them xx
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Beautiful photo victoria xxx
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Hello all dear friends , I wish I could exslain . I am a a a loser , when I am feeling at my worse I drink I am not acolic ,l but since dawn has left us I rely on drinking , I can go for weeks not drinking . But now I must admit when I do drink , have got me into so much trouble including losing Sarah , her husband hates me , so hard as we have done everything for all of them we have always been there to help tell them out , we have given them Ā£ 5000. But they have forgotten that . Ā£ thousands of when decided to get married in The carriabean . . I do regret some things I have said even people I have said some dear friends even who have helped me in my darkest days , But I know now I do not deserve them . But I know what is done can never me replaced and itās my own fault . But I find grieving is such a terrible enemy . . Maddie xx
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It is very hard for us Maddie
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