Hello all dear friends , I feel all your pain what you feel I can relate to x we all miss our beautiful children . We have had fanatic holidays this year . But I don’t know what’s wrong with me . I must admit . I think the main reason is Sarah . I live and my heart aches for her , worrying for her . Pi know she is suffering with the dreaded cancer but I am suffering as well . But we are a million miles apart . Her husband hates use, do we can’t go to her house , we havent seen our Grandaughter Jessie since bEaster for 5 Mins . Our family has fallen apart since Dawn passed l. Must admit if when we pass , I don’t think anyone will care . And tell you tutu the truth I don’t care either . , what’s the point , I am sure I will be with Dawn . Maddie x
Hi Maddie
So sorry you are feeling rubbish I have not been allowed to see my granddaughter since my sons cremation 1st August I do not get on with my sons wife lots has happened between us over the years and we have not spoken since the day before my son died as she went to hit me in front of my dying son and my side of the family knew she would do this as soon as my son passed. If you passed I am sure that you would be missed your head is proberbly all over the place at the moment if you are anything like me each day is different some days I am.not too bad but others I just seem to cry all day and feel sorry for myself. Hopefully tomorrow is another day and you might feel a bit better then. Take care sending love and hugs xx
Hi Kim , Thankyou for your kind words .Looks like you are going through the same thing . It just seems to make life so much harder for us . When we are not aloud to see our family . But all we can do is plod on and keep ourselves busy . Take care , with love Maddie xx
My son should be celebrating his 32nd birthday today but he sadly passed away last November.
Another difficult 1st for us as a family.
I find every day so hard but today I feel so dreadfully sad and cheated.
I just needed to right this down and share.
Jayne
Hi Jayne , I am so on the loss of your Darling Boy . I exspect you do feel sad , losing a child is the worse thing ever , and he was so young . I am sorry you have had to join this family , but everyone on hear understand what you will be going through . I hope you get through the day the best you can . Sending hugs Maddie xx
Maddie,
Thank you for your kind words today.
Myself,my husband and our daughter will be spending the day together.
Hopefully we will get through by holding each other close.
Love
Jayne x
Dear all
It’s been a long time since I posted anything. However, I’ve been trying to keep up with the posts as much as I can.
For those poor souls that have joined us, I am sending you love and hope. When I joined this group - nearly four years ago now - I didn’t believe I could ever enjoy life again. (I lost my younger son Henry, on the 20th October 2019. Just fifteen days after his 30th birthday)
This site literally saved me. Those first days, at the beginning when the shock is so much that that could kill you in itself. Then the realisation that this is it…no more would I see my lovely boy. Literally, everything seemed to have ended. But of course, it hadn’t. Every day, the sun still rose, the world still turned, everyone else seemed to be getting on with life. What could I do?
Firstly, I started meditation. I still do this to this day. I use the Headspace app on my phone. It has enabled me, over time, to manage the emotion. At the beginning, I was constantly overwhelmed. I couldn’t speak to anyone about Henry, it was all too real and painful. The meditation takes work. I was doing it twice a day at least, now I do it less often but it is such a good discipline to manage my grief.
So, if you are struggling, give it a try. Also, go walking. Emerse yourself in nature. Gardening also is a wonderful tool to help the mind and body.
There is no way other than forward in life. I realised early on, that whilst each day that passed took me further from Henry, it also took me closer to him, as my own time here was shortening. That realisation was and still is, a real comfort.
Next week is Henry’s 34th birthday. Not sure how I will deal with this at the moment. However, how lucky was I to have had him for 30 years. I hope to see his brother George and we can share some happy memories together.
Life is fleeting for us all, it really is. If you are early in your loss then you won’t believe that it could become less painful. However, you will find that it softens or you just get used to it. Not that it doesn’t ambush you at times.
I miss the old me, my old life, the one with both my children. So much has changed, yet the earth is the same pretty much and I know that everything, including me and my grief, is temporary. I liken my new life to walking a tightrope. At first, you fall all the time. Then gradually you learn to balance, you get a strength.
Sending love to you all, friends who know me already and those friends who are new. We are bound by the worst loss ever but we have each other to lean on, to carry us if necessary. I hope you all find some peace today.
Big warm hugs,
Purple
There are no words which ease the pain, and young like my son who was 35, who I lost in March. Just do what you think is right, remember the happy days if possible. Thinking of you xx
Reading this gives me a bit of hope. The way I have changed is unreal, I’m not the same person. So true it’s walking a tightrope, falling off, and getting balance. I’ve had a good few days, but I’m waiting for the next bout of tears. Sometimes it feels like yesterday when I lost my son in March, and I’m really not sure how I have got so far, brain fog to start with, but it is clearing a bit. This site is my lifeline as know one else actually understands. Take care and thank you xx
Dear MJG, it is early days for you and I remember the feeling of walking a tight rope. I dread going back to those days.
Hopefully as time goes on, you will start to feel more peaceful and more in control.
Birthdays and anniversaries are always the worst, plunging us back into bad memories or heartbreaking memories of happier times.
I remember in the very early days my GP said ‘this will change you and people will have to get used to the new you’ and I think that is so true. I hope you begin to experience more ‘good days’ xxx
Thank you, but at the moment sat crying my eyes out, just had the death certificate arrive which has really set me off. I’ve come to the conclusion if my people don’t like the knew me, that’s there problem not mine, they haven’t got a clue what hell we go through, it would be my Dads birthday on Tuesday coming and Saturday the 3rd anniversary of my Mum. I usually go the the crematorium on their anniversary but this year I won’t be, I have sat and thought about it and can’t put myself through the torture. I have both my parents ashes in beautiful pots, so Saturday I will get some flowers for Mum, and sit and chat with her like I do each day. Thank you for your kind words it means so much. Think the rest of the day will be written off. Xx
Dear MJG…
I so feel your pain. We all do 
Be kind to yourself my friend. Let those tears come and sod anyone who expects anything from you.
As Victoria says, it’s such early days for you. Anything and everything can be a trigger. We’re all here for you.
I’ve only been to my son’s grave a handful of times. For me, there’s no comfort there but I appreciate we’re all different in this respect. Do what’s right for you.
Much love
Purple
Yes grieve certainly changes you , I am nearly 7 years down the line , and I am still feeling so angry. And tell you the truth no one understands what it’s truly like to lose a Daughter , and I feel like I am grieving alone . Except for this wonderful website . But it hurts when every day friends and family .the ones who I rant to talk about Dawn , just shut it out . If I can talk about Dawn and not be upset , , as I want to keep her memory alive it hurts . . I must admit as it’s leading up to the awful time nearly 7 years ago when she started to really downhill , I am getting weepy , I miss her so much . My heart aches for her , some days I wake and still cannot believe it could possibly happen to my gorgeous Dawn love Maddie xx
Maddie,
I feel your pain.
I should be celebrating with my son his 32nd birthday today but unfortunately he passed away one month after his 31st birthday last November.
I too feel angry with him for not being here with me,with the lack of help and support for people struggling with mental health issues,with the emergency services who let us down on the day of his passing,with the whole world.
I struggle every single day with the absolute grief and sadness that I can’t spend time with him.
I find some comfort in the fact that he’s no longer suffering and I hope he’s at peace.
Stay strong
Jayne x
Hi Jayne so sorry about the loss of your son I am quite new to this site I lost my son in July this year keep coming on here and saying how you feel I think it does help.
Sending love and hugs keep your pecker up everyone is here if you need to chat.
Kim
It does help. It’s been my lifeline.xxx
Hi Kim,
I am so sorry for your loss.
It’s the worst feeling in the world to lose a child no matter what age.
Your loss is so recent and my heart goes out to you as I’m only 11 months down this heartbreaking journey but I know that the first few months are truly exhausting and painful.
Look after yourself and if you ever need someone to talk to I’m always here.
Love Jayne x
I am so sorry for your loss. It’s exhausting sometimes. This site is my lifeline and helps me so much. I write a journal every day which helps, not sure if you have tried that, just write anything, what you have done, how you feel, it’s worth a try. Someone on here suggested it to me. Take care xx
Thank you,I’ve suggested that to my daughter as we were both with my son when he passed and it was so traumatic that my daughter still can’t talk about it or even mention her brother’s name.
It’s so very difficult navigating through this dreadful situation and at the same time trying hard to remember my beautiful son.
I miss him beyond belief.
Love Jayne x
Me too, I’ve just been looking at photos on my iPad. I’m making a memory stick on days I feel I can. This journey is hell, but I really am trying hard to be strong. It would have been my Dads birthday on Tuesday, and 3rd anniversary on Saturday when my Mum passed away, few difficult days ahead, but none on them are as painful as losing my son. You people are my only lifeline if I’m honest as no one else understands. I don’t see many people, can’t be bothered. I do loads of exercise everyday, out in the garden, all which helps me. Take care xx