Sorry it should have read ‘continuing bonds’. You can Google it to find out more. It
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Sorry I pressed the wrong button! As soon as I read about containing bonds,
it felt right. Even though we have lost a precious child, we are still their mother, they are still our child and that will never change and it made sense to me that we can continue that relationship with them even though they are not physically here.
It has helped me. xxx
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Do you ever feel like a leper?
I have lost so many so called friends and people just don’t want to talk to you anymore!
I feel so abandoned by both friends and even family in some respects.
I just think no one knows how to talk to you about your loss but it makes for a very lonely existence that is already extremely difficult and isolating 
No one reaches out to you after the funeral as though it’s all over and you are just getting on with it!
I am becoming increasingly upset and feeling abandoned.
Am I alone in my feelings?
Xxx
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No you are not alone . This seems to be a common theme when it comes to grief.
Everyone else gets on with their lives and thinks you are ‘over it ‘ now when the reality is our world has stopped.
We needed continued support not just a few weeks.
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Ive hardly seen anyone since the funeral. One i avoid as she just talks to much and wants to distract me, shes stopped texting now, i have two that come as a pair and popped in once, and a lady who ive not seen for 7 years came yesterday with a right get in my car you are leaving the house, which was nice but 4000 steps and talking and im exhausted. Neighbours have ignored me since funeral one turns away when i go i leave house. Only people on these boards seem to get that i am not going to get over it , get back to normal this was my 1st born my baby
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I have felt like that too and like you, think that it is because people don’t know what to say or if they are embarrassed. For most mums losing a child is their worst nightmare yet that is what has happened to us and to be honest, I think it scares people.
I have a few friends who have been really good but others who faded away. Even my husband doesn’t seem to understand.
I did feel on my own quite a lot at the beginning but gradually seem to be making a life again. Going back to work helped me (although part time). It kept me busy and was something else I could focus on.
I still have teary days but am able to recover quicker now. This site has been a lifeline to me … just talking to others who have gone through a similar experience.
Take care xxx
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I have had what I considered true friends completely cut me off and others who just disappeared into the distance.
Then eventually even more upsetting are those that haven’t wanted anything to do with you for years suddenly re entering your life and wanting to re engage with you purely through nosiness.
I know I sound bitter but it’s reality for me completely.
Xxx
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Hello, I think it helps with the continuing bonds , my counsellor talked to me about it a lot. So I write letters to my daughter in a journal … I say a prayer every day. I spend a long time just sitting up at the cemetery and writing in my journal. Take flowers for Chloe and find a poem to print off and stick on the vase.I have a memorial bench with a plaque from me that is being secured in the church yard. My counsellor said that I should imagine taking Chloe everywhere with me in a backpack,… she suggested this when I was highly anxious about returning to work. I had a memorial tattoo done on Thursday of a dragonfly and some of Chloe’s writing . All these rituals give a little comfort. Sending everyone big hugs xxx
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Hi,
We haven’t laid our son to rest yet as it’s just coming up to a year and we are not sure where we should do this yet.
We still have him at home with us although we are at present sorting this out with our vicar.
It makes it very difficult to have a one year remembrance for him but our amazing vicar has arranged a small service with just myself,my husband and my daughter at our church to remember and celebrate his life.
This will be difficult but absolutely necessary.
Xxx
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I’m going to look this up later on, it may help. Thank you
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I have had a tattoo done in memory of my son. I designed it myself, then the tattoo guy made few minor adjustments to it. Since I have had it done it helps me, whatever works for us. I’m going to get another one done hopefully in the next few months with the sea, moon and sun and the symbol for strength running through it,
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Hi all just read the previous messages about friends disappearing. Nobody ever tells you that this will happen. When you loose a child, besides grieving you have to find out for yourself that most if not all of the people on the fringes of your life will distance themselves. It took me a long time to come to terms with this phenomenon. The answer undoubtedly is because they don’t know what to say. So staying away and avoiding you seems to be the easiest option ( for them). It usually happens directly after the funeral. It almost feels like they’ve paid their respects and their job is now done. You don’t really notice at first because you are to busy hurting. But eventually you notice that people are avoiding you, purposely staying away. The phone calls, text messages stop and before long you realize that apart from immediate family you are alone. In my own case. Roughly 400 people came to my son’s funeral. Within weeks I would never hear or see any of these people again. In the early days I’ve literally seen people I no turn and walk away from me pretending they hadn’t seen me. I’ve had one time friends let go of trolleys full of shopping in the supermarket and walk away and leave the shop because they couldn’t face me. Friends I’ve had for over 40 years dropped off the face of the earth. Never to be seen again. I would step out of the house and be shunned by everybody in my neighbourhood. I found it really upsetting for a long time. But like the grief you learn to live with it. It’s sad that people you grew up with attended weddings with been through thick and thin with are suddenly no longer a part of your life. But you get bye. I did try over the first few years to reconnect with one time friends but looking back I see it was futile. Hindsight is an amazing thing but at the time I didn’t see that once the bond is broken it’s broken for good.
You learn to move on. If I knew back then what I know now. I wouldn’t have wasted my time thinking about these people. Not with any malice , I bare them no ill will. It’s just a human nature thing. They have no idea how to behave towards you when you have lost a child. It’s probably the one time in your life that you need a friend. But exactly the opposite happens. Anyone experiencing this for the first time. You do get passed it. You meet new people. And the people you once classed as friends simply fade into the distance.
Thanks for listening
Take care
Jim
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HelloJim, and all friends that are suffering losing friends , I must admit some friends are a bit of a pain , but it’s oor family . That’s where I feel so lonely and mad , ithought they would be so understanding . But no it hurts . So anyway we have booked a 12 day cruise at Xmas . , as although we see Sarah we don’t talk to her husband . We didn’t know if they would have asked us to join them . I now now out they are all going for a lovely Xmas meal including if Matts mum and dad and his family . . John said he wouldnt of gone anyway , he hates Matt . But I did try to ask Sarah before we booked it she said no go . So obviously she didn’t want us there either . So did the lot of them . I do like going away for xmas since we lost Dawn and we could not say goodbye to her untill 28th . And I always get weepy Xmas eve and Xmas day . We have asked to sit on a table of 2 as I don’t want to depress anyone . How can our family be so hurtful , when we have no one , we would have sat here Xmas day by ourselves , and then they all having a good time celebrating xmas . Life doesn’t seem to get any better . No one cares we are still grieving for our lovely Daughter , and Sarah sister xx
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It’s just so very sad,when you need people the most they abandon you.
We too were amazed by the amount of people who attended our son’s funeral but we haven’t seen one since and I feel we never will again.
I just hope for their sake nothing like this will ever happen to them
Love Jayne x
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Yes you are right ,let’s hope people we know nothing like we have been through happens to them . X
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I love reading your posts, they give me hope, and I can see so many things in what your write is true in my life, thank you xx
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I have found that since losing Gemma, my life has changed so much. I tend to think of my life as before we lost her and afterwards. I think I am a different person now and how can I not be?
I have settled into this new life though and do have happy, peaceful times. As others have said, I have lost a few friends along the way, but gained new ones.
Like everything in life, you have to try and I try not to dwell on the bad times xxx
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I can relate to that. I am a different person too. I’ve found it easier (tho not easy!) since I’ve accepted that I won’t ever be that person I was before. There’s always that thread of loss going through everything. I am starting to learn to multi task it a bit and get on with living everyday. I’m not in a total fog all of the time. Grieving does change over time and most days it’s not overwhelming. I’m grateful. Sending you hugs and best wishes xxxxxx
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I went to do some shopping today and I saw a very special friend,as though I thought,she so obviously tried to ignore me but I did make contact with her and it was so awkward and difficult.
I don’t understand why people you consider true friends just don’t want to contact with you anymore.
We are no different even though we have lost our child.
Why do we suddenly become a person who they can no longer communicate with??
I feel so lonely.
Jayne x
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Hi dear friend. Well, we are 4 years on now and apart from our lifelong dearest friend’s we have cut loose so called friends will in the village who did the same to us. Awkwardness and saying things like ’ i would have come round but…'. However, acquaintances have now become the ones who stepped up, kept us fed, held our hands, hugged us and shared our devaststion. We now have a close friendship with these lovely people and will do for the rest of our lives.
Folk are strange but you sure will find love and understanding from those you least expect.
Sending love.
Kate xx
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