You hit the nail on the head Maddie. The nice weather that everyone tells us will make us feel better only makes us feel sad because it isn’t just about us. Our sadness is for our children’s loss of future and the everything they should be here enjoy.
It is coming up for a year for my daughter. It really has hit home and I am so sad and tearful.
Hope we all find the strength to cope with this.
Sending you all love. Xxx
Hi Maddie,
I’m writing this at just before 4:30 in the morning. I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t stop thinking about Sam so got up and made a cup of tea. I automatically open my emails and there was your note. So hence the early start. Marmaduke my cat that Sam gave me for my birthday in April 2016 is thinking 'ah…mum’s up I can go out but although some people will find this strange I don’t let him out at night, probably because he is so precious it’s the last thing Sam left me. Jason who is Sam’s best friend (wherever you saw Sam you saw Jason and vice versa) has just had a baby boy with his girlfriend, and called him Samuel. When he told me it was bittersweet for me. Sam would have loved that I know. Jason’s mum said to me that he had that in mind all along as him and Sam were so close. Jason stayed with all of us throughout the night and the morning and was here when Sam passed. All I know is when I look back I am truly grateful for the time I spent with Sam and nothing can erase the pride I feel when I think of Sam,but also nothing stops the tears either.
With love
Helen
Dear Maddie and Helen,
I too have had a bad couple of weeks and not sure why but sometimes I hear a piece of music or catch a memory.
We are at our apartment in Spain at the moment with Gemma’s little boy, Charlie and our other grandson but of course Charlie chats about his mummy and misses her so much too.
Helen how lovely that Sam’s friend called his baby after your Sam and what a beautiful tribute to your lovely boy.
Wishing you both a peaceful day xxx
Thanks Victoria it was a lovely thing to do. I know Jason misses Sam so much they were like brothers. I seem to be on a level platform this morning. I know Sam is here and that helps me. How lucky Charlie is to have you and your husband, and I am sure as he gets older he too will appreciate all you have done.
with love
Helen
1 Like
Thank you Helen xx
1 Like
Hi everyone, we continue to look for ways to cope with this life. Our children are in our thoughts each and everyday, we think of how proud we are and that how lucky we had them in our lives but the underlying sadness hits hard, often without warning, and particularly at significant times and events. Helen, what a wonderful thing that a Jason has named their baby after Sam, little Samuel will learn who he is named after and why, a life time tribute which I hope will comfort you in time. My son’s wife gave birth 2 months after Jo passed, she had been excited by the pregnancy but she didn’t get to meet her first nephew and my son didn’t get to show off his first baby to her. I understand the bittersweet feeling. Our Grandson is such a joy and my son said he will tell him all about his special Aunty.
I recently read a book which I would like recommend. Surviving the Unthinkable The Loss of a Child by Janice Miesenhelder.
Lots of love to all.
Hi Bir89,
Can I ask you what is so special about this book, as I do not think you can improve Gloria Hunnifords book on her daughters passing , but I will read anything that might help . But nothing wil bring our our beloved daughters and sons back to us , so sorry Bir but thats how i feel. love to you Maddie xxxl
Hi Maddie, this book seems to explain many feelings and helped me to “reason” with my feelings better than anything I’ve read so far. It is more specific to bereaved mothers who are further down the line (at least 1 year). It’s written by a mother who lost her daughter. I would say it will definitely be helpful to you and those of us on this site particularly this thread. Life is difficult and will never be the same again no matter what so anything which reiterates/explains/empathises is another aspect to help us cope.
xxx
Dear Bir,
I am still in the realms of not wanting to believe it has happened to us so reading any book on loss sends me into a huge panic but I hope one day to be able to read something that will help me.
We all cope so differently and I am glad that you and others find books that help you along this desperately sad journey. xxx
I too Victoria, I cannot read about loss at this moment even though Sam has been gone nearly three years. I try to cope as best I can but as Bir said it hits when you least expect it.
with love
Helen
Thankyou Bir for replying, like Victoria and Helen, when I read Gloria Hunnifords book I found it so painful to read as it was so close to my own heart and I don’t feel I shall read another for a while. Helen cannot believe our beautiful children have been gone nearly 3 years, , although if you start to think of that awful time and what we went through,dont you think it only feels like yesterday ? Take care Maddie x
Hi Helen, Maddie and Victoria, I can fully understand how you find it difficult to read this material. We have the right to feel however we want or need to, and can only do what we can when it’s right for us. Our world has changed so very much and everything is so painful and hits hard. This is what this book is actually about. On a personal level, I did find some things upsetting but a few aspects put a new light on things. Wishing everyone a peaceful day x
Hello All,
Bir you are absolutely right we must do whatever we can to try to heal ourselves from within. I don’t mean forget because that is asking the impossible but to try and learn to cope, live alongside our grief that our sons and daughters are not here and have left us. My elder son cannot even now begin to talk about Sam, and I find that hard as I am the type of person that needs to talk about Sam all my friends realise that and bring him in to the conversation but with Geraint he can’t do that so I try to be as diplomatic as possible when around him.
with love
Helen
Hi, Helen Sarah is exactly the same as Geraint, she just will just not talk about her sister, but Sarah mother in law said she speaks to her about Dawn, but will not mention her name to me , I just cannot understand why.?i have to talk about Dawn other wise people will think I am over the grieving. So you are right you do have to be diplomatic around them . Maddie x
Maybe it is too painful for her. I have difficulty in talking about my beloved younger brother. We were so close and I loved him so much. MaryLip x
Dear Helen,
I find that the hardest thing. I find it difficult to think about what happened but on the other hand I don’t want Gemma to be forgotten. Her sister talks about her all the time but her brother finds it more difficult. I find it difficult to talk about her to her boys but do make myself sometimes and then it is hard to hold back the tears. Just so hard. xxx
1 Like
Hi Helen, Wynne, Victoria ,and everyone.
Well I think I have now proved that the grieving is driving me mad, as yesterday I actually text Dawn ,as I still have her number on my phone. When I told Sarah,she was so shocked, she could not believe I did it , she said what did I exspect when I did not get a reply. Oh well ,one can only try mirracals do happen.
Maddie xx
Dear Maddie,
I have done the same, sent Gemma a message a few months after we lost her.
I think when we lose a beloved child we do go slightly mad. It is such a dreadful thing to go through how can we ever be the same again?
Big hug to you xxx
Hi Victoria, thanks for replying, I wont say Im glad its not just me , as we should not be going through this awful time , our lovely girls should be here with us .
Big hug to you .xxx
Hello Maddie and Victoria,
You are right Victoria, we have all done mad things, like you Maddie there were times even of late when I wanted to send Sam a text, and all the text’s he sent me I saved so that I always had them. I have rung his telephone number several times realising that he will never answer and I break down. That’s when I know I am staring into that big black hole called grief. I try to edge away from it but sometimes I find myself falling.
With love
Helen