You take it easy especially tomorrow and if no you need to go home just go. It’s strange how our brains manage to block somethings, looking back I can’t remember so much, maybe that’s a good thing. Thinking of you and have some reflection time of happy memories 
big hugs xx
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I think I go in and out of denial mode .
Must be my way of coping .
I won’t go in his room at the moment because I have to admit he’s gone
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I can only look at certain photos again🤷♀️. I think by writing my journal he’s still here telling him what I’ve been doing. Seems to ease the pain, whatever works helps I guess. I cant think ahead still, makes me panic. I was proud of myself on Monday, had to drive to the town where my sons flat is to the dentist, I was literally up the road from it, but I did it. Have no intention of going to that town until my next dental appointment. X
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I have slept in my son’s room since he passed away almost a year ago now,he left me on 31st October but on his death certificate it is the 1st November just passed midnight,as although they restarted his heart he was too poorly to survive.
I am not doing very well at the moment and although it’s nearly a year it feels like yesterday.
Having said that it feels like an eternity since I held him or heard his voice and saw his beautiful smile which would light up the darkness of rooms.
No one really understands what you’re going through except people who have lost a child no matter what age.
My son was 31 years old and still lived at home with us.
I miss him with all my heart.
We are having a few prayers in our village church on Tuesday with our Vicar as we haven’t yet laid our son to rest and we don’t know what else to do.
I don’t know how to yet find comfort in all of this nightmare but I find it helpful reading messages from other grieving parents.
We do what we can to get through.
Sleeping in my sons room gives me some comfort.
Love to you all,
Jayne x
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Dear friend. Your despair and heartache are only natural. Time seems to take on a different meaing. We miss them so much it feels like an eternity but also so close and fresh in our minds. I still relive the moment our beautiful girl, also just 31, took her last breath. I called it before the doctors. I knew it was was her last. I had seen her take her first so of course a Mother knows. I got up from beside her bed to go to her little girl being watched by nurses. I got as far as the anti room and fell to the floor. I could hear this animal type sound somewhere which turned out to be me as i lay on the floor with a nurses arms around me. These memories are so vivid they seem like it was yesterday.
4 years on i still wake up in that terror. That utter devastation that only a parent can understand.
You will find a way. We walk together in this. Holding each other up through this forum.
Hope you have a better day today. They come and go.
Lots of love to you
Kate xxx
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I did sleep there initially, though now my husband has alll the plumbing stuff there for bathroom ( his distraction he took the bath out…so now bathroom for last 6 weeks). Ive not washed his bedding yet but will soon once i see a lidl to get some washing powder that he used.
His room has enough space for a small double, but if i move his units ( think his brother has his eye on them) i may move my bed in there.
With my youngest going to uni and at the moment not planning on returning much, and if my husband gives up work and spare bedroom is currently office, i will have 3 spare rooms upstairs…will the house be too big and empty then ( downstairs is just right thoughtl)
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Hi joeys mum
Good to hear from you and the brilliant way you are helping others and that it gives you a way forward. None of us can have what we want, our children back. You’ve shown strength and courage and a way to get some goodness out of a tragedy and I’m glad you shared it on here. I hope others in those excruciating first months will get a little glimmer of hope for the future. We all have to find our own path through it and yours is an example. We are all changed forever but it is possible to lead a life that is meaningful to us and carry on even tho at first it seems impossible. We can’t get ‘over it’ but we can over time learn to ‘live with it’. You are doing that and so many of us are doing the same in our own way. It’s not fixable but it is possible to carry on whichever way is right for us and there is hope. We can’t change the past but given time and kindness to ourselves we can find a way to live that really isn’t 24/7 misery and we can do it. I’ve met some brilliant role models who’ve lost their child but there’s the same thread of grief through their lives and they keep their lost children in ‘their hearts pocket’ ,that won’t change and it can turn into some comfort. I send you all the very best and so pleased to see you have found that glimmer of hope in the work you are doing. Xxxxxxxxx
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Hi Joes mum,
Douglas’s mum here,
We never know how strong we can be until we’re tested. On the darkest journey we can be on we can find light.
Take care and keep up your wonderful work.
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So true my darling. We find the light from helping each other here.x
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I saw this today and thought of how everyone seems to think they can help in someone else’s grief journey, as many have discussed on here.
Words of wisdom from Shakespeare, highlights how long this has been the case.
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This is so weird,this came up on my phone earlier today and it is so very true.
X
On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.
And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets into you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green
and azure blue,
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.
Love and peace to everyone on this site. Hope you all have a good weekend.
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Thats Beanacht. The Blessing. My dearest friend read it at our daughters funeral. Xx
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Beautiful words xx
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This is the full poem.x
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Hi all.
Had a strange/ funny experience at the supermarket the other day. I pulled up in the carpark. My wife jumped out and nipped into one of the side shops to the main supermarket. As she was walking back to the car where I was. We noticed two other couples heading back towards their cars with the shopping. We were all kind of parked in a triangle formation and 20 yards apart. The other couples were people we “used” to be friends with for a long time I might add. 40 yrs. Suddenly it was like a Mexican stand off. Nobody wanted to acknowledge that they,d seen each other. My wife was walking towards our car and smiling at me as if to let me know of the absurdity of the situation. One of the couples I had known since my early teens. Been through thick and thin with them. But since loosing my son. They had dropped off the edge of the earth. I found it funny , ridiculous and quite sad that the people hear. were not 20 yards from each other yet the other two couples wanted the ground to open up and swallow them. I,ve long since gotten over such behavior. I suppose such situations have happened that often since my boy died I’ve become immune to it. But isn’t it totally bizarre. I don’t know why people behave in such a way. My wife jumped back in the car and we both just laughed. There was a time it would have brought me to tears like it was my fault. But you gain your strength back . To anyone who is experiencing being shunned for the first time. Eventually you get past the upset and then the anger. You just move on. It does take a bit of time. I was angry at my “friends” for a long time. Now I couldn’t care less about these people. What’s gone is gone. I just wish I could have seen it sooner. Feeling how somehow it’s your fault these people you used to have great affection for suddenly treat you like the town leper. That’s on them, not you. I just wish someone would have told me that this happens but unfortunately you have to find out the hard way. As if grieving isn’t hard enough. I suppose taking a step back and looking at the big picture. When you can stop being angry at the friends you once had and you can see the total stupidity and ridiculousness that has to be sign that you are in a much better place .
Ok thanks for listening
Take care
Jim.
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So sorry this happened, I think you just have to tell your self they are not worth worrying about.
Love to everyone
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Hi Jim.
Nice to see your message.
I can understand that your loss of friends must have really hurt in the past. But glad you can laugh about things now.
Our experience is almost the opposite. As our daughter was Autistic some of our friends didn’t want their children mixing with our daughter especially as she got older. However, since our daughter died some of those friends feel some guilt about all that now and wish they had done more to help. It’s all a bit late, but that’s how it is I guess. Some friends were unkind excluding our daughter and how they dealt with things, so those friends are no longer friends.
It is so sad these things happen.
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My friend of forty years and more was the same, she didn’t come to my sons funeral and when my husband died, even though he’d done countless things for her, didn’t even come to his funeral. I guess we don’t really need people like that in our lives.
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We certainly don’t need negative people in our lives. I have just about cut out my best friend of many years due to her being a hypochondriac, never noticed it before. She never even asks how I am. I had my son’s inquest in September… to this day she has never asked how it went or what the coroner said. Can’t be bothered with her anymore and not even bothered or feel guilty for it xx
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