Couldn’t agree more. I’ve seen my ex friend twice since then but it was very uncomfortable. I hope I don’t see her again. Bless you MJG things will get better and better without her.
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Yes dear Jim , could not agree more , I must admit when Dawn passed the only one that gave us comfort was Johns sister , she lost her grandson agedv10 a few years before . And then lost her husband a few years later . She used to ring every morning to make sure I got out of bed . She even told our best friends who didn’t want to visit us . That we needed company . The only one who sent flowers was my lovely brother who I haven’t seen for 30 years and sent flowers . Apart from that I do know anyone that have helped us through our grieving Sarah was good at first but all she wanted was for me to take the pills . .inhad councilling for 6 months complete waste of time . Found Sue Ryder , you have all been my lifeline . People say time heals , but we know different . 7!long years in December , and I wish I could say I am healing . But tell you truth my heart is still aching for my lovely Dawn . Love Maddie xx
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Good evening everyone, Jim your post about experiencing people who were previously friendly was spot on. Sadly
I think we may have all experienced that. I think all we can do is just walk on. Losing a child changes us in many ways. I think we become less tolerant of other people, especially the thoughtless ones. We become more selective of who we let into our inner circle.
I think we also become more empathic of those who are struggling. I remember after we lost Gemma seeing a young guy sat by the river looking thoughtful. I actually went up to him and asked if he was okay … I would never have done that before. He was very sweet, said he was fine but thanked me for checking.
It is a new road we are travelling on and I can’t think of anyone that I would rather walk alongside then all my friends here 
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Hi everyone,
I have already posted about the painful disregard of our so called life long friends who for whatever reason abandon you as soon as you lose a child.
I still haven’t worked it out or understand why but it’s a real thing.
Sadly even family members also seem to find it difficult to reach out after the initial shock and heartache.They constantly tell you “You know I’m thinking about you everyday “but they never pick up the phone and ask you how you’re doing or feeling.
I’m just a year on from losing my 31 year old son and I don’t get it,at first I made excuses,feeling it was difficult for them but now I come to realise that they are never going to come back into my life.
It’s heartbreaking but never as much as losing your child,so I just have to move on without them.
Their loss not mine.
However I still cry everyday but hopefully it will get better.
Love to you all suffering with me.
Xxx
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It’ll be almost eleven years since Douglas died, it was not long after Christmas and five years at Christmas since my husband died. The pain doesn’t stop nor do the tears I’m just better at putting on the mask. No one want’s a misery around them do they? I’m permanently sad. My heart was ripped out that Saturday afternoon when I got the awful knock on the door.
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Hello all
I lost my son in July this year fortunately for me I have not lost any friends but thats proberbly because I do bot have many left due to my son being ill for 3 1/2 years before he died so I only have a few very good friends left. I have my 1st counselling session this afternoon will see how that goes but I do think everyone on this site are so kind and you all know exactly what its like and how you feel when you lose a child he was a man really he was 37 but I still cry lots of tears and feel empty and that my world has changed forever. The sad thing is his wife and I do not get on and she wont let me have any of his ashes I only wanted a small amount to put in some jewellery she is just being so mean and we are not allowed to see our beautiful grandaughter who is only 6 but we knew this would happen when my son died thats the only thing left she can punish us with.
Anyway thanks for listening take care everyone.
Kim 2 xx
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Bless you Kim2. I wish you well with your counselling session. I lost contact with my beautiful Granddaughter for many years but now she’s an adult she got back in touch, there is hope so don’t give up on that.
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Dear Kim2, I am sorry that your daughter in law is being so unkind. Just horrible to act like that. I am glad you have found this site as it has been a life line to so many xx
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This is how I cope until I shut the front door.
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.
We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!
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I’m totally amazed that the friends I thought would be there for haven’t been and totally surprised the people who have stepped up and been a comfort to me, even though I never dreamt they would.
Life has many twists and turns but over the past 2 years I’ve really found out who my true friends are and I will be eternally grateful to them for sticking with me❤️xx
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Same for me. One in particular who was not a close friend at all, held me in her arms as i sobbed and has cared for me ever since and in fact, before when Lisa was ill. Life surprises us. I now have cut away those who never came to see us or phoned or those who said something like, ’ but its been some time since your loss, you should be over it’ Over it??? Well i hope they never experience what we all have.
Love to you dear friend.
Kate xx
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Kate , its the ones that expect after the funeral you would be okay, there are many that have not contacted me since the funeral , and my neighbour keeps saying ‘you getting there’ I will never get there! My facebook friends have dwindled significantly as I’ve deleted them, even my cousins who haven’t said anything. Others have said its good im writing my feelings down on FB but perhaps I should do it in a private journal instead…
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Hello All dear friends
I haven’t been on here for quite sometime but I do read all the posts, and to say welcome to the new members to “the club no one wants to be in”. Reading all your posts about friends that are no longer friends I can certainly I can certainly identify with that, my friend of over 30 years who I took to all her appointments etc when she had been diagnosed with breast cancer, could not cope with what had happened to me with losing Sam my son at 34 from a brain tumour…really, needless to say she is no longer someone I bother with, but I am very lucky in the friends I have left who I can count on, Kate you met them in Scotland, they are like rocks for me. The worst thing of all was just a few weeks after Sam had passed my mum said I wont bother coming down anymore if you’re going to keep crying, and then when she lost her husband said losing a husband is so much worse than losing a son!!..so now she’s nearly 90 I do my duty but there is no love lost. For all you new people , the only way I can describe it is you eventually learn to live with your grief walking beside you and eventually in your own time remember all the good, funny times and all the shared moments you had, they are only behind a veil through which we cannot see but they can see us and watch us everyday.
With all my love
Helen
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Hello Helen , god to hear from yob. I must admit how life has changed . I am so pleased for you you have all your amazing friends . They have been there for you since day one And our beaurififul boy Sam and Dawn a week apart . I wish life for us had got better for us no . The best news ever Sarah had her 2nd Scan and she was clear , any heart is saying yes yes . But she is suffering mentally . My heart is aching for her . She j has anorherv6 months and it’s not exsoectedvto come back . But now I must admit , after reading so many post the dreaded comes back . Yesterday we lost the best friend ever her was 85 tlhe same age as John . He was our bestest friend ever . He loved Dawn so much and she loved him we are devasteted can’t imaginnlife without him . So now have Johns brothers funeral and now our beautiful friend . . Joys of getting older. Life has changed so much . It’s so hard to cope with . . Maddie xx
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@Taff yeah I never know what to say when people say ‘feeling better’ erm NO. This isn’t an illness! But are they saying that because they don’t know what else to say? Maybe I’m being harsh? xx
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Gill someone said today when asked the question how are you, she now just nods as its not socially acceptable to say waiting to die! But its something bereaved parents can relate to
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Most definitely x
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Hi all,
Well Taff that’s the good thing about this site, you can say what ever you can’t say on the outside world and others on here “get it”and can help you through. I think It’s almost like we are too ashamed to admit to other people what it’s like on the inside, like we are failing or something . We should be over it in a month, six months, a year . as if ! Or do we just not want to burden anyone , because anyway how can they understand ?
Oh and when we think we are moving forward, here comes Christmas to kick us in the stomach again, Seems to me like it’s 2 steps forward and one step back , but no one said it’s going to be an easy ride, it’s just another day really. Keep plodding on as best we can, thank goodness there is always here to turn when it gets too rough.
Hugs Jess xx
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Hi,
I’m just a year on from losing my son who was 31 years old and another Christmas to face without him.
It’s totally heartbreaking and I wish we could just sleep through the whole time from the day before Christmas Eve and not wake up until the 2nd January.
I hope in the future we might once again enjoy the festivities and be able to share it with family and friends.
Love to you all feeling the same.
Jayne x
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