Bless you Kate.
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Thankyou dear friend. Seeing others suffer the we have, do, we still suffer with them
Kate xxx
Dear Reet41
I donāt read or post that often but I feel I should message you. Iām so very sorry youāve lost your son and joined us here.
I have friends here who helped me so much when I lost my son Henry in October 2019. Fifteen days after his 30th birthday.
I understand how you feel about being so far away from your son. But everyday that takes us further away, brings us closer to being reunited with our children. That thought has helped me many times. I hope it helps you too.
I would recommend meditation too - it helps getting runaway emotions back under control. But it takes time.
Iām sending you a big hug and love from one parent to another, navigating this new world we find ourselves in.
Purple
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@Lisa_s_Mum Oh that must be very hard for you. It will bring up all sorts of memories for you, Iām c9ming up to my sons first anniversary of his passing and itās bring up so much pain. My thoughts are with you x
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The first anniversary is the worst i think. Hope you get through it ok. Grief has its own timescale and losing a child is completely different from anything else.
Sending love and hugs.
Kate xxxx
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Dear Kate and all friends,
I am sorry that you are going through this hard time. I do think that those of us who have lost a child feel things more deeply. Not that we didnāt before, but it seems to add an extra layer for us somehow and of course triggers such bad memories for us. I will be thinking of her and her family.
Purple, it is so lovely to hear from you! I loved reading your posts, you were such a help to me and hope you are getting on okay.
Much love to everyone at the beginning of another new year 
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Hi Victoria. Yes the emotions just bubble up to the top when we hear of someone young losing their fight for life.
Today is also an emotional one for me as its Brookes 8th birthday. It just reminds me of a sleepless night, terrified that we would lose both Lisa and Brooke during her C section. It wouldnāt have been so bad if the chest consultant hadnāt been so anxious as well. Anyway, it was all fine and at around 11 am i got a text from Lisa telling us we had a granddaughter weighing in at 5 lbs 11 oz having been delivered at 34 weeks and 5 days.
She was an amazing mother in the short 3 and a half years she was with Brooke. The precious gift she gave us.
Lots of love to you.
Kate xxx
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Iām glad to be able to post Victoria. My heart breaks for the parents who seem to be joining us every day. 
That awful reality every time you wake up. 
Iām hoping a new version of me is emerging. I hope I can channel energy positively, to let others know that the life sentence we all share, becomes manageable for a lot of the time. But not always. And when it doesnāt we have friends here to hold our hands through it.
Sending peace to all the souls here.
Much love
Purple
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Lovely to hear from you Purple, so glad you are keeping well and sharing with our new friends how there are chinks of light and we are all living proof that with the support from everyone on this site you will get through, it will never be the same as before but you learn to live a different life.
Kate i cant believe your little Brooke is 8, where did those 4 and half years go ? Im sure she keeps you all going and Lisa will be looking down so proud of her little princess, such sad news to hear that another family is now suffering and about to lose their darling girl sending you a big hug 
my friend,
Sending love to all old and new friends, its such a comfort to come on this site and share feelings with each other, im struggling at the moment but i know it will pass, take care all,
Love Michelle xxxx
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Hi Michelle. Yes its very sad that another young girl is leaving her beloved family behind. They have a big family, all living nearby so they will have a lot of support. Young Isla, 11, is suffering terribly. She just wants to be with ger Granny all the time. Her little brother likes to be with his Daddy.
Tough times for all of them.
On a brighter note, today i am shopping for the birthday cake and extra party bags as 3 more children have appeared on the list. Trampoline park party! Thankfully i dont have to go on with them. Jemma had that job. Party is on Sunday. Yesterday Brookes Daddy picked her up from school and took her to choose something from Smyths toy shop, then to Next to choose a dress and then Nandos for a birthday tea. Bless that boy, such an amazing Daddy.
We have so much to be thankful for.
Sending love and hugs to you too and all our friends here.
Life goes on, we can learn so much from each other.
Kate xxx
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Hi Purple,
Thank you so much for your kind words, it means so much, especially knowing that you understand the pain. I will definitely take on board the thought that I am not getting further away from my son but nearer to the day when we shall be together again.
I will also take your advice to look at meditation as this might help with my lack of sleeping. I go to bed but canāt sleep and end up having to get up, I then read through this site and realise that I am not alone.
It is devastating that we all find ourselves brought together through the loss of our beautiful children. I am thankful that I had 41 years, with my son, but would give anything to have more.
Thank you again for being so thoughtful, take care.
Reetxxx
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Oh Kate,
I have just read your message,I am so sorry to hear of another young person being diagnosed with a brain tumour. Reading that it took me back to when Sam suddenly went downhill, he had been diagnosed with a brain tumour and was subsequently operated on some 41/2 years earlier, and was not really ill until those last few
weeks. Brain cancer is not very well funded and in fact only received about 1% of the funding that CRUk gets. The brain tumour trust are who I support as they really try so hard and are always pushing the government for more funding for research, if they could find out what causes them they could cure them.
Take care Kate
Love Helen
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Hi Helen
I did faulter about posting about Heather but i knew you would understand. She is in the Hospice now and on morphine so i think the end is imminent.
Hope you are doing ok.
Much love, Kate xx
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Dear Michelle
Thank you for your lovely message.
Iām forever grateful for the support I received in the early days. Just knowing someone out there actually understood. Four years on Iām in a much calmer place mentally.
Where would we be without each other and this platform - itās a life saver.
Sending peace and a warm hug
Purple
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Hi Reet41
Youāre so right - weād never have enough time with our children. Iām generally calm now and trust me you will get to that place yourself.
Meditation needs work in that itās not an instant fix but once you get into it, itās amazing. I use an app called Headspace.
You can trial it for free. If you find it helpful, donāt buy it immediately - cancel it and then they offer it for half price, which is Ā£25 for the year.
Good luck with it.
Iāve taken up tai chi and qigong too, both of which are deep breathing exercises with movement, and these also are calming for the mind.
It takes focus so stops your mind wandering into sad or negative thoughts.
If you have YouTube on your TV look up Don Fiore for his tutorials on both. I do this and I go to a weekly class.
If none of this sounds like you, gardening and being with nature has a gentle effect on the mind. Anything that distracts.
Keep posting - there are so many amazing people on this site.
Warm hugs and peace
Purple
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Hello everyone,
I have read an online blog this evening and someone asked if anybody had a near death experience and would they like to share it.
The responses were amazing. So many describing such similar experiences.
I hope you donāt mind but thought you might like to hear this one as it helped me so much:
āI have actually clinically died. I went into cardiac arrest a few years ago. Before it happened, I collapsed on the road on a dog walk and the only way I can describe it is, the world around me was graying out. I could feel me leaving me. I canāt even find the language to describe it. I just felt this physical āungluingā from myself. It felt very physical, this division of me. It was just that, a division. I was dividingā¦ so weird. And I remember thinking, āSo this is it. This is how it ends.ā And I just leaned into it and let go really easily. My dad and my uncles were there. My one uncle had only died a few days before.
Someone found me on the road and called an ambulance. I arrested when I arrived at A&E (good timing and the reason Iām here now, writing about this, for sure!). And thatās the part where I really had an experience. I was gone. I died. Physical me stopped functioning completely. But I did go somewhere else and I almost donāt want to describe it because it has become so sacred to me. All I can say is that what I felt is indescribableā¦ it was beyond peace. It was perfect. Only, there isnāt a word better than perfect and there ought to be. It was a feeling I havenāt known in my living day. I was of something else. I became part of a collective peace in the most beautiful place. But it wasnāt my time yet. I woke up to a doctor on my chest, my vision obstructed by the oxygen mask on my face, and rage. I had no idea where I was, what was going on, but I was so angry to have been pulled away from that place of peace. And then my mind started functioning and I realised, āI have no idea what is happening but something huge has happened to you and these people are trying to help you. Be polite! Thank them!ā 
So I did.ā
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Thank you for that,my son died on the 23rd July 2023 aged 47,he had moderate learning disability. He died from secondary bone cancer, my husband and I were there holding his hands.He said I got to go now, I said where you got to go.He said death,and he tried to get out of bed I felt someone had come for him.
There is so little funding for these rarer cancers,and even less screening for those with disability.
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Dear Purple and all. Yes a life saver it is.
5 years this July for us but life is carrying on and i dont have so many melt downs now. They still come but less frequently.
Memories appear and now i smile as i remember the time.
Just yesterday, walking in the forest with the dogs i came across two almost identical length twigs fallen to the ground in a cross position. I remembered how fantastic Lisa was at the sword dance during her highland dancing time as a child. Its a very complex dance and i used to watch her feet, perfectly placed in the spaces between the swords as she danced perfectly without looking down. The music gets faster and faster towards the end and she would just pace the music perfectly then step aside and bow from the waist.
Such a beautiful child. Happy memories.
Kate xxxx
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Hi Victoria,
Thank you for sharing that, Sam was at home with me when he died but I knew that my nan had come for him, they were always so close he used to pop in and see her on his way home from school. 18 months to the day later Sam came for Roy my mums husband (Sam called him Gramps most of the time but I always called him Roy) and again I knew as I walked into my mums house and the ambulance was outside I heard Sam say Iāll look after Roy now mum.
It does help to know that you will see them again.
Love Helen
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It would have been my sons 48th Birthday today, he had learning disability,but was loved by a lot of people. My sister phoned me up this morning ,saying she is lighting a candle for him. One of his friends phoned up saying they are all lighting a candle for him at the college he went to on weds. She said she is lighting a red one as he liked red.God bless her
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