Forgive me if I am wrong, but I do think this is very much a generalisation.
Each of us is uniquely different, we respond to, and act in, various ways and time scales and this often depends on our individual circumstances.
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Hi Beth, I am not sure what you feel is a generalisation? x
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Because to me, this is a sad but excellent true poem and very much in my own style of writing. I am sending congratulations.
I have decided to withdraw from posting on the site, for some time now because of my health issues, that are affecting me emotionally.
Its also been a long time ago since my close families deaths, and emotions change over time and they may not be relevant to modern day feelings of some members
I notice that some people are failing to consider othersā emotions because they feel offended or attacked ?
So im off and i wont be replying to notifications for several months
Mr chipps
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We are all at different stages since losing our precious family members but that can be very helpful.
I am sorry you are leaving as you have posted some very helpful and kind messages. But of course we can always pop back anytime. Wishing you peace and sending a big hug x
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Bless you Mr. Chips. I do hope your health improves and I wish you love and a peaceful life. Keep on trucking.
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My son took his life just 3 weeks ago today. He was 49 and has left 2 young children (7 and 13) that we are caring for at the moment, I donāt feel qualified (or able) to manage to do more than to help them through each day though Iām worried that they seem completely unaffected at the moment. Iām also looking after my other sons two children (5 and 10) and just need advice on how to get through the week whilst Iām just devastated inside. The children are all happy which is my first priority but I feel like Iām trying to live minute to minute until they all go home Saturday and I can begin to grieve for my lost son - I loved him so much and it was a complete shock. His wife has been visiting her family and is now facing up the practicalities before her children come back Saturday by which time they will have been with us for about 10 days. The other 2 are here til Friday and all 4 are very fond of each other. I am currently about 100 miles from any of my friends and family. The situation is as it is but I just need some coping strategies to see me through this week. The dr has prescribed me some diazepam which I am reluctant to take but do you think it might just take the edge of things for me?
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Dear friend. Its so hard to have time to grieve when youre being the best Granny ever and keeping the children safe and happy. We helped look after Brooke who was only 3 and a half when our daughter passed. In a way it was easier as she was so young and if everything else carries on as normal and everyone is smiley, they seem to manage fine. Our son in law was totally devastated and we supported him as much as we could through the early days, weeks and months. We still do and we are very hands on with Brooke now 8.
I remember feeling just like you. Wanting to scream and howl with grief but saved it all up till our elder daughter, jamie and brooke were not around. We were all torn apart but none of us let the tears flow in case we all started and frightened Brooke.
All you can do dear friend is be your best for the children, hold it all in and let go when you can. You will no doubt need to be there for your daughter in law as well. I didnāt take and drugs apart from Kalms which seemed to make me feel less stressed.
Hope this helps.
Sending so much love to you.
Kate xx
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Kate, youāve no idea how much youve helped me! Thank you for your speedy response. I thought I was the only one but to read how youāve not only done it but got through it has been so good for me to hear. I had no idea just how it would feel trying to manage 4 of them whilst still being in shock but somehow I am and I will - itās the best (probably only) thing I do do to help - try and give them a few weeks of fun by the seaside with their cousins before their new reality sets in . Hopefully once we get home we will be able to get ourselves together enough to access professional help for his children and possibly our daughter in law whilst we grandparents have the time to grieve our son xx
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Hi @Mynxie,
Iām Kate, a member of the Sue Ryder Online Community team, and can see that youāre new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I am so sorry for the loss of your son that brings you here.
I wanted to share some sources of support that might help you right now.
- Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide offer support to people over 18 who have been affected by suicide. They have a support line on 0300 111 5065 and run support groups nationally.
- Support after Suicide has a list of local and national support.
You might also want to explore our Online Bereavement Support, where you find our Grief Guide self-help platform, our Grief Coach text support service, and how to access our Online Bereavement Counselling.
Please do speak to your doctor about the drugs you have been described. They are best placed to advise you and to answer any questions you may have.
Thank you again for sharing ā please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Kate
Sue Ryder Online Community team
Dear Mynxie, I am so sorry to hear about your son. My daughter took her life 6 years ago and she has 2 lovely boys. I am further down the line than you.
I am so sorry this is a short reply but I promise to send you a longer one later today. I just could not read and run.
I have of course been through a very similar experience so please do private message me if you would like. Any time of day or night!
Much love to you xxx
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I am only here because you are my love. We all help each other along this journey none of us thought we would be travelling.
Take care and we will all be here waiting to hear from you again. You are definitely not alone on this trip.
Much love, Kate xx
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Dear mynexi
You are doing the best for your grandchildren, the unexpected and traumatic way his life ended is going to be difficult. My advice would be to wait until the children have gone home, then please make sure you put yourself and your grief as a priority, do keep in touch on this forum , sometimes just writing out the despair and sadness actually helps a little, Iām so sorry you are going through this but know you are supporting the most vulnerable at such a difficult time xxx
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Hi all.
Trying to navigate which path to follow after the loss of your child is littered with horrible difficult times. Itās probably the most difficult your life is ever going to be. Experience has taught me that there is barely anything that really helps. There are things that oil the cogs. Like therapy, or pills, drink, the comfort of others. But there is nothing concrete that takes the real pain away.
Itās quite hard to come on this site and see all the new people in the early stages of grief, looking for answers. It brings it all back, just how devastating loosing your child is. I never ever thought I would be where I am today. From how I was in the beginning. For the first few months nothing at all makes sense. Thatās because itās an alien concept, we are not hard wired to deal with loosing a child. I will testify along with everyone else on here unless you have been hear and lost a child. Itās impossible to understand. I think thatās one of the reasons itās so difficult, because those around you can only guess how you are feeling. And all you want is for someone to take all the pain away and tell you itās going to be alright. Someone who will tell you that life will go back to how it was. In my own experience the only thing Iāve felt helped at all is time itself. Or to put it more accurately your mind takes its own time to rationalize and heal. Itās different for everyone. Some do it quicker some slower. In the first throws of grief you simply canāt comprehend it ever getting any easier. It definitely changes you as a person. Itās like learning to walk and talk again. You have to learn to live again. Only now itās different.
Eventually once you get past coming to terms with your loss, which can take any amount of time, you are left with carrying an internal sadness, but you will and do learn to live again. You will notice the things that make you happy again. Thatās when you realize that you are indeed healing. Because at the beginning of your journey there is no light to be had.
I think about my son every single day. Some days it kills me some days it brings a smile to my face. I carry him with me all the time. Although heās long since been forgotten about by others who never mention his name. For me heās still a part of my everyday life and always will be. My life has changed beyond recognition as to how it used to be. But my son is very much a part of it. Only those that know, will know what I mean. Your child is your child forever. The love and the bond never die.
Ok thanks for listening
Take care, jim
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Hi Jim, your post says it all. I agree and feel exactly the same. Life will never be as it was. Part of our grief is mourning the life our child has lost, the future they would have had.
Thank you for posting Jim.
Love Chris xx
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Thanks Jim, that makes so much sense and really reaffirmed what I already knew - there are no short cuts through this grief, it is what it is and will take as long as it takes to feel even a little better. People like you are a huge inspiration to me though as I can see that although your son will be forever in your heart and mind, there is hope that one day in the future it will not be all consuming. Thatās my ambition - that one day I will be able to sometimes think of my son and smile rather than cry. I donāt want his whole life defined by his last action if that makes sense.
I lost a sister about 5 years ago, also through suicide, and difficult as that was it was in no way comparable to the way I feel after losing my child.
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Dear Jim, it is so lovely to hear your wise words once again.
You have described how it feels to lose a child so well ā¦ the loneliness of it is what I find hard.
I too think of my daughter, Gemma, every day and for me thinking about what could have been.
It is different for all of us but I think what binds us here is the overwhelming sense of loss, of missing someone who we love so dearly, but also the sense of belonging at last xx
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Sorry for your loss, my son went 12 months ago, he had no children so i have nothing to focus on. Suicide deaths leave so many questions and they occupied my mind constantly for first 6 months. I have diazapam which i keep for when i have to see others , i no longer like busy environments, noise, police . This is a lifelong journey now, i have accepted as many have said that the 1st two years are extremely hard, the early period of child breavement is 2 to 3 years, not you will be okay after the funeral, once a year has passed that everyone expects. SoBs chat board is very good and i go to a monthly meeting with TCF who have a suicide specific group and find that valuable, speaking to others that have the same thoughts and feelings. Take care and keep talking to others
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. I am living with several long term health issues, that are affecting me and keeping me house bound for now , i have just been diagnosed as,being anaemic and put on more medication.
I am pulling away from the site for awhile, i may read messages, but i wont be contributing my opnions, which are now possibly outdated. Take care and love to everyone.
as i have been on my own many years , and my opinions arent fresh like otherās
my last bereavement was over 5 years and we were close as she lived 25 miles away, although i arranged her funeral and turned it into a happy affair, with her wearing her line dancing costume, with 3 songs and poetry , by my niece and myself. . Take care mr chipps 1
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hi Frankie, 2 thanks for your kindness.
I am going of the site for awhile for various reasons, especially my health. I have just spoken to a specialist nurse, who is talking about admitting me to hospital for treatment.
Take care Frankie 2
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Hi Mr. Chips, I think we have similar experiences. I lost my son eleven years ago and suddenly that wave of grief still overwhelms me. My husband died five years ago and I lost my eldest brother very suddenly earlier this year and now another darling brother is being taken with cancer. Such sadness can sometimes envelop us and no matter how long ago the loss may be it never leaves us. Ill heath hit me a couple of years ago but Iāll keep on trucking for my other lovely son and granddaughters. Bless you Mr. Chips and I hope you regain your health very soon. Sending love to you.
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