HI frankie 2 my son took jis own life age 27 in 1997. His mum died from cancer in 1999964, age 45 and my only grandchild was born and died in 1996. age 50 minute’s.
I have got used to their deaths, but its the emptiness and loneliness, that really hurts.
Inam sad for your losses and hope that they rest in heaven in an angels arms . I know that my health and age are affecting me.
Thanks for your kind words, but all of my illnesses are long term and incurable. . I hope that your life becomes brighter very soon. If you would like to chat privately, i would be happy to.
But as i have mentioned i am pulling away from this site for awhile because of my health, but also its getting harder to read peoples stories and learn their loved ones ages on passing.
FRANKIE,2 may the angels watch carefully over you and give you strength and happiness in every new thing you do.
Let the sun shine gently upon your head and particularly on your face.
To brighten your life and fill your days with warmth and hope to act with good grace
ASk your guardian angel to listen to your words, as you need to let your anger and stress
And at the end of each lonely day give you a hug and your future life bless.
Mr chipps (2 ps the poet)
I really do think you write with empathy, understanding and caring. We all hurt for each other because we have some understanding of how grief and it’s long term effects really feel.
Yes, we do change as people and that is one of the things that can make it hard for others. They question when we will be the person we were? The answer is, sadly, probably never and what we need, is to be accepted as we are now, for it to be understood that our situation is not one of our choosing, it is one we would change in an instant if we could, but we can’t, but one we would appreciate others recognising. Our son or daughter have been a part of us and our life, and for others to expect us not to carry the weight of grief, when we have loved so deeply, and not have it change us in some way, is a little unrealistic.
We can perhaps, each continue to love, cherish and allow those precious memories to be part of who we are now and in time those who really care about us will recognise us, as slightly changed, but the same person.
frankie 2 i think we can do it on eitger Facebook or WhatsApp. Tomowoild be my wife’s 76 birthday. I never forget it . I am gehrt 6 white roses, which I will put in a vase my front room
I hope that you didnt dislike it.
I will find out how we can chat privately.
I have a meeting tomorrow witj the n.h.s mental health trust i volunteer with.
Good night
Speak doom mr chipps s
I’ve woken today feeling really sad which I know is to be expected at this stage. I’m trying to think how to get through the day with the children without passing on my feelings as they are both still happy and settled at the moment (and enjoying playing with their cousins)
I’m just wishing my life away - from the time I get up all I’m looking forward to is when I can go to bed again.
Bless you. I remember those days when I just wanted to hide in bed and sleep my life away.
Try and snatch some time on your own if you can. Is there anyone who could help with the children for a few hours?
My grandson, Charlie was 8 when he lost his mummy and became very fearful of everything for a while before he gradually came back to normal brave self.
He saw me tearful many times and I just explained to him that I was sad about mummy, we would have a hug and carry on. We still do that now at times.
I am thinking of you and sending you lots of love and prayers for peace and strength
Frankie 2 i am now using my full name of mrchipps the poet to reply to you in future. it was given to me when i graduated in 1999 @ wakefield college, the actual graduation service took place at Wakefield Cathedral in november 1999
take care mr chipps the poet
Hello to friends old and new on this site.
I just wanted to say to Mynxie that I can identify with her sorrow. My son died aged 49 two years ago, leaving us all devastated. He died from a brain tumour. He had a lovely wife and two children who were aged 13 and 9 at the time. I try to support them as much as I can. I have another wonderful son who does what he can too, and a lovely daughter. We miss my boy more than I can say. As a family, we try to be strong.
I am sure this week is very difficult for you, Mynxie, as you try to take care of the children. This is so important - and you will always be important to them.
I hope your friends and family will support you when return to your home. You must be terribly shocked. Eventually, you may like to contact The Compassionate Friends, which is a bereavement group for people who have lost a child/children (even a grown-up child).
I am so sorry to hear your story. Everyone here understands your pain and grief.
I send love and very best wishes.
Susan J.
Susan, your post moved me to (good) tears
I know inside that I am doing everything I can to help but I guess whatever I do it’ll never feel like it’s enough as I’m not their dad
I feel broken - the weathers not been good today but they’ve all been to the park for a good run around and we’ve been playing board games all afternoon. All I want to do is cry but I’ve managed to keep my sadness from them and thank goodness it seems to be working. The boys are going back to their mum tomorrow night and I return home after handing the cousins over Saturday afternoon then I feel I can really begin to grieve. It’s truly been the worst time of my life and I’m absolutely exhausted but I’ve done my best and I couldn’t do more
It sounds as though you have been amazing. Losing a child is the hardest thing we could ever experience so be proud of yourself.
I have just realised that you were asking about Diazepam. I have never taken it but my daughter was prescribed some after we lost Gemma and I know she has found it helpful. She doesn’t take it regularly, just when she feels she needs it.
I will be thinking of you over the next few days with the children and I hope you find posting here is helping. You are among friends. Sending you lots of love xxx
Yes, I’m finding that just 1mg takes the edge off l if I’m finding it particularly difficult but still need to be ‘with it’ to care for them all. The first doctor I saw (on a ship would you believe - we were in the med and unable to get home for 3 days when we found out) prescribed me 10 times as much! Mind you, it was a very positive experience as he didn’t charge me for a consultation - must be pretty rare but so kind
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement - one day I hope to be in a position where I can help others as you have helped me
I cannot imagine what a shock it was to receive dreadful news while you were away on holiday.
It may take a while for the reality to sink in.
Going forward, I think that looking after others (especially our children’s children) is a way of coping. But you must look after yourself too. Grief is exhausting.
Sending peace and love to all who may be reading these messages tonight.
I have always refused to take Medication for my grief journey. I had counselling after my wifes death and the woman who gave it was,not any good , in actual fact she made everything worse. She was the matron of the towns new hospice, but her medical skills , didnt match.
Eventually i had counselling from a college counsellor, and went on to do several counselling qualifications. And I started a bereavement organisation, supporting people and helping them to move forward in their new lives.
About 18 months after my son committed suicide, i became a samaritan. I enjoyed it but the management were very sexist. After a couple of years i left.
I believe that my life experiences and my college education, has helped me move on in my life.?
If you get counselling, beware as sometimes the counsellor can do more harm than good, as my 1st counsellor did. Peace be with everyone xx
I agree in that I didn’t want to take any medication either but to be honest I couldn’t have managed without a very occasional 1 mg tablet to help me through the past few weeks with the children. It was just too hard - 4 under 12’s who needed me to be a responsible dependable adult caring for them, not a weeping mess! I did what I promised to do and the children all returned home happy and settled though I was really struggling the last two days.
I can quite understand why some people might seek some medical help especially in the early days and I think that’s fine if it’s what gets them through.
I returned home yesterday and now I’m child free in my own home I can cry when I want to which is such a relief and I’m not intending to take any more medication.
I am seeing a (recommended) grief counsellor tomorrow but hope to keep it just to the one session to enable me to see a way forward. I know it’s a long road ahead with no short cuts
Session good that you have got an appointment with a grief counsellor, but can i suggest that you may need to prepare yourself for several sessions, because may not even scratch the surface at the 1st, session.
When i was bereaved my kids were adults, but instead of supporting me they simply made my life hell, and walked out in a couple of month’s.
But i coped and set up my own bereavement support group.
Take care and learn to love yourself and peace be with you always x
Counselling can be hard for many reasons, and is different for everyone. So please dontvget downhearted ifcthings don’t go as you hope.
I have been bereaved 30 years so my experiences will be very different to everyone elses.
I have found through experiences that bereavement can either bring families together, or tear them apart, their are certain reasons for this, but every occasion is different.
After several years on my own i took several Counselling qualifications, for my own good and to help others.
I gained a higher national diploma in social sciences, plus several other qualifications in many subjects.
My biggest love on my life is music and i love singing in choirs.
I also learned to read nusic and play the piano.
I reveal this only to let you know that anyone can move on in their lives while grieving.
Peace be with you and your loved ones always.
Mr chipps 1
Good luck with the grief counsellor tomorrow, Mynxie, and well done for taking care of the children at such a difficult time.
Keep in touch.
I’m going to a meeting with a bereavement group tomorrow (the Compassionate Friends). I find it helpful and supportive to be with other bereaved parents (mostly mothers).
Peace & love - S xx
Thanks Susan, I’ve looked up The Compassionate Friends and have found there is a group local to me specifically for parents who have lost their children to suicide as I have, so your message was incredibly helpful. I had a really bad day yesterday which I know is probably ‘normal’ at this stage - at least seeing the counsellor will give me space to talk it through with someone without feeling it’s just too much for them to hear. I do have a lovely husband who is really trying his best to help and support me but he’s not my sons dad (although they got on really well - Ashley was best man at our wedding) and he doesnt have children of his own so I know it’s impossible for him to really understand how intense the grief is at the moment
I shall report back later as to how I get on in the hope that it might help others in my position
Dear Mynxie and all friends, I didn’t have any counselling after losing my daughter as I coped by pretending it hadn’t happened and just thinking of her as being at work or at home with the boys.
Mad I know! I sometimes go into a little daydream even now, imagining those scenes and find it comforting. I think it was protection from the awfulness of it.
We all react differently and need different coping strategies to find our way through.
This site has been my biggest help and it is hard to convey how everyone here has helped. Just knowing you are not alone and you are among people who understand is priceless.
My husband, like yours, feels it all very differently and feels he has to stay strong all the time for us.
Even 6 years on, I still have my bad days but the difference now is that I recover from them much quicker and am able to carry on.
I always carry Gemma with me somehow.
Much love to you
