Hi everyone, we have just come back from Rhodes, and although it gives us a break from the grieving, our friends that come with us I still don’t understand what we are going through. all though we have known them since our days at antinatal classes when I was carrying Dawn, sometimes I want to slapthem and want to say how would you feel if you lost your first born, how would you feel? But I know no unless it happens to you , I should not think like that, I would not wish it on anybody. But since I have come back I cannot seem to stop crying ,as Dawn would be on the phone wanting to know everything about the holiday, and I find coming home the hardest part, , and I mirror everything you all say, it just does not get any easier, the longer it goes on the worse it gets, just want to hear there voice and give them a big hug . With love Maddie xx
Someone said to me the other day (You don’t how lucky you are) how little do they know…
I too absolutely feel the same way we put on a mask that we can never remove love to all Sal xx
Hi Marina , when they said that ,did they not know you had lost your love one ?
hello All
Yep we all put that mask on and then it slips when no one is looking. I am waiting for Sally my friend to pick me up she has never lost any son’s or her daughter but she has a very rough idea as her sister lost their only daughter and my other friend Jean is in the same boat her sister lost her only child a daughter to a brain haemorrage, she found her so like Sally Jean has an idea and all my friends know I prefer to talk about Sam, so he always get a mention. Whoever said “you don’t know how lucky you are” deserves to be told…something like “lucky me? I suppose I am, even though my child has died I still put up with you!!”
with love
Helen
Hi everyone, these last few post sum things up well. I have come to accept this grief and sadness in my life, as you’ve said Marina, it’s the price we pay for love. It is almost 4 years and it might as well have been yesterday. We live with it, try to cope with it, put up with it, disguise it from others and somehow carry on every day but if we turn around we’ll always see the shadow behind us, it will never leave us and I don’t want it to. I’ll go on carrying my daughter with me in my heart, regardless of the sadness as it’s part of me, it’s who I am now because the old me doesn’t exist.
My love to you all x
It is one year since my daughter died. I love and miss her so much but the point is I don’t have to tell any of you that. You already know. Sadly we all understand. The only people that really get it are bereaved parents.
Many of my friends and relatives care and try hard to help which is very kind. I do try not to be sensitive and I try to remember they are trying to make me feel better when they say inappropriate things. However, I just wish people would not try to fix us when it is unfixable. I don’t believe that time heals but rather that it takes time to process what has happened. I don’t know what happens after that apart from what others, further down the line, tell me.
All I know is that I am so grateful that we can all express our feelings here. It does help.
Sending us all hugs. We seem to need them. Xxx
Hello Matella & Bir
Matella you are right the sadness will always be there because, it’s not the natural order. We should be going before them. Your comment about it takes time to process what has happened is so on the mark. People do say inappropriate things, they don’t realise. I am so sorry you lost your daughter and you are here on this site but all on here can understand every emotion that you are going through.
with love
Helen
I am also grieving our youngest daughter aged 31. She has left her beloved child of just 3 and a half years and her adoring partner.
She had a long term lung condition but lead a busy and successful life with a wedding florist business and also marketing manager for her sisters art business.
The little family went to Majorca for the first holiday in many years and although having a girl to fly test she got a cold on holiday which turned to viral pneumonia and her deceased lungs could not cope.
She was in ICU in Perth where she was taken by ambulance on the way home to Inverness then transferred to Aberdeen on ECMO which she remained connected to for 8 weeks.
After the initial induced coma she was alert and interested in everything and after the in tube was removed she could talk very quietly.
She was making progress and we all hoped she would recover and be as she had been as she hadn’t been listed for a transplant.
However, she was on the machine too long and was getting infections which eventually were in her blood and we were all told there were no other options.
She was incredibly courageous and took the decision to be disconnected from the machine after she had spoken to us all, cuddled her little girl and kissed and held her man.
Even just before they gave her something to make her sleep through it all she spoke to the doctor and said she was a donor and take whatever they could use.
I am so proud if my girl for her courage and dignity but so terribly sad that I wont see her again and her little girl has lost her Mummy at 3 years old.
My heart is broken but I know we must all do our best for the little one.
It is six weeks now and I cry every day. I feel sad beyond belief but I know she would have told me to get a grip and get on with it.
This gets me through each day and I know you must feel desperately sad and overwhelmed but I can only get through because our girl had a life well lived and she was always upbeat and happy.
We cant bring them back but we can carry their memory in our hearts.x
Bless you, I was in tears reading your story. Just so heartbreaking but you must be so so proud of your daughter and proud of yourself.
You will be able to tell your granddaughter all about her beautiful, courageous mummy and in time she will give you a reason to live as my grandsons do for me.
You will always have your memories and will always carry her safe in your heart.
This site has been a lifesaver for me as everyone understands the heartbreak we are all going through so I am so pleased you have posted.
Be kind to yourself over the coming weeks as it is such early days for you … 6 weeks is no time at all.
Sending you lots of love xxx
Thankyou. I am glad I have joined the group as some days have been very black and that’s not like me at all. I will always be grateful for all the time we spent together as I worked with her when she had axretail florists and latterly with the weddings. We normally went out together 2cor 3 times a week with her little one and were more like good friends than mother and daughter.
Our elder daughter lives and works in Edinburgh and has just gone back to return to her business after over 3 months away since her beloved sister took I’ll. We are kissing her being home but she will soon be back for weekends. She has been suck with grief but she set up a Just Giving page on FB to raise funds for the ECMO department in Aberdeen. It has raised 11,000 pounds ! Our girl would have been utterly amazed.
My love goes to you too and hope that time will ease the pain for all of us.xx
It is a terrible weight we are all carrying. I know that initially for us it was shock and disbelief that our beautiful girl did not recover. The numbness at first turned to pain like no other. I was there when she took her first breath on this earth and watched her take her last. I left the room and fell to the floor and could hear this sound like a wild animal in pain. It was me. I just curled up and whimpered until the nurses got me up on a chair and it was like someone had pressed the pressed the pause button and I was frozen in time. I don’t think it was very long but when I came back to reality it seemed like another day.
I had to pull myself out of the trance like state and take charge of my little granddaughter and I was strangely able to. I remember going into the relatives room with my family and getting sandwiches and juice for her. My son in law had gone out to get some air and my husband was inconsolable so I sent him off and sat with our elder daughter holding back the tears till we were told we could go back to the room to see her after she was made to look like herself again.
I held her in my arms and kissed her eyelids, nose and mouth, stroked her hair and told her I loved her. I promised i would take care of everyone so long as i was able and help raise her wee girl to be the strong and capable young woman her mother had been
I don’t know how long it will be before I feel strong again but I am eternally thankful for the fantastic daughter,sister,mother and partner she was.
I think it’s the only way forward for any of us really.
Being thankful for a life we created and the memories we all have.
With love. Kate
Thinking of you Matella, on this the first anniversary of your beloved daughters passing.
With love Maddie xx
Hello Lisa’s mum
Your daughter was so courageous and dignified, and like you said it keeps you going to think of her courage. In time as Victoria said your grandchild will be your reason to live. Please post on here whenever you feel, it is early days and there are times when you will be overwhelmed but take heart from what she would say to you “get a grip” She was a very strong person and as you rightly say you are so very proud of her.
with love
Helen
Thankyou. I so appreciate your words. She was an incredibly strong young woman. She had a rare lung condition but carried on regardless and walked miles with her baby in the pram even though she would be breathless. She was a very successful wedding florist and an inspirational human being.
I will stay in touch
Love to you xx
Hello Lisa,
I am so so sorry for the loss your darling daughter, when I read your terrible story I think it must have brought us all to tears on this site , as we could all relate to what you are going through… Take care of yourself and your lovely granddaughter.
Hugs to you all Maddie xx
Hi Lisa’s Mum, I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter, it’s a heartbreaking story and you must be so proud of her strength, courage and dignity. It is very early days for you, so raw, it will feel like trying to walk through sticky mud in thick fog right now. You have beautiful memories of you lovely daughter which will never leave you. Your Granddaughter will be your focus to help you to keep going.
Take care x
Lisa was my daughter. Thankyou. I am Kate but using the name Lisa’s Mum on the site.
It has been a very long 3 months since she took I’ll. My heart broke at the start of it and shattered in a million pieces when she took her last breath.
She gave us a granddaughter to save us all. We are very lucky to have this lovely little person in our lives.
Love to you in your pain.xx
Lisa was my daughter. Thankyou. I am Kate but using the name Lisa’s Mum on the site.
It has been a very long 3 months since she took I’ll. My heart broke at the start of it and shattered in a million pieces when she took her last breath.
She gave us a granddaughter to save us all. We are very lucky to have this lovely little person in our lives.
Love to you in your pain.xx
Lisa was my daughter. Thankyou. I am Kate but using the name Lisa’s Mum on the site.
It has been a very long 3 months since she took I’ll. My heart broke at the start of it and shattered in a million pieces when she took her last breath.
She gave us a granddaughter to save us all. We are very lucky to have this lovely little person in our lives.
Love to you in your pain.xx