I know that feeling of trying to walk through mud.
For me it was like falling down a well and trying to clamber up the sides and then slipping to the bottom again. I know I will get stronger, we all will, I hope. With love.xx
Dear Kate and all other dear mothers and fathers,
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter - she sounds an amazing person who brought joy in your life and gave you so many precious memories. All of us know exactly how you are feeling. Many of us are further done this horrendous journey but we all support each especially when there seems to be no light. We can not understand why our children have gone before us but we are all grateful for the time we had with them. We wish it had been for longer and they are always with us every moment of the day. The tears flow often and sometimes you want to scream in agony. You learn who you could lean on and who will pick you up when you are despair. As others have said love never dies and we all loved our boys and girls so deeply. I send you the biggest hug and hold you close. With love to all. Wynne
That is so kind of you. I feel better knowing I have the support of lovely people on this site who are suffering or have suffered the same terrible loss.
We were fortunate to have her able to talk and hold her hand for the last few weeks of her life.
We will never know what fears she may have had or was she just optimistic about her recovery as she was optimistic about life in general.
You are right we can rejoice in the time we had with her, we could have lost her in her first year as she had viral pneumonia then too, but we didnt and she had a wonderful childhood and teenage years apart from a lung collapse at 14. She was a vibrant young adult and forged her career for herself. Very very proud to be her mother.
Love to you too. You are helping me more than you can imagine.xxx
Further to my replies yesterday to all parents going through this, thankyou for the support I have been given over the last couple of days since I joined. It has given me such a boost. We are all carrying grief and missing our children and no one knows what itâs like but ourselves.
Thankyou for giving me hope and love. Kate xx
Hello Kate, (Lisaâs mum)
Yes on this site we know exactly what emotions you are going through, like you I consider myself lucky, I had Sam here at home with me. Right until the last two days of his life he was able to walk and talk as normal ( he died of a brain tumour). I remember that Thursday morning he awoke having had a great day and evening the night before and was sick everywhere and I just knew. I said to him I love you Sam and he said love you too, before the nurse that came gave him something to help him. I am so glad that he was here at home (he would have hated to have been in a hospice) so when I look into that black hole that is grief I remember the courage he displayed for the 4 years after he was diagnosed and I desperately try to pull myself together.
With love
Helen
Thatâs what I feel too. Lisa was in hospital but in spite of infections one after the other we saw her every day and chatted and she saw her wee one.
She had never been disabled in any way with her long condition. She was able to be a good mummy and partner and was amazing at her wedding floristry. I know her greatest fear was becoming disabled and we will always be thankful for the full and happy life she had.
I am saddened to hear how your son passed but again, you are happy that he had some very good days right up to that Thursday. He was at home and loved. We have been cheated out of them living long lives but we had some wonderful years and memories to help us through.
With love to you. Kate xxxx
Hello Kate
Yes you are right we are sad that they didnât have long lives, but like your daughter being disabled would have been absolutely dreadful for him. Even when he was on chemo and radiotherapy after the operation back in January 2013, he walked up Mount Snowden to raise money for Macmillan, and went to get on the little train that was coming back down but the guard said to him you should have bought your ticket before you came up and wouldnât let him on the train, so his answer was "b******* then and walked all the way back down. He went snow baording again with all his mates, and never complained once. I have such fantastic memories that I can pull on when I feel down. Like your daughter his answer would be âfor Christ sake mother get on with itâ. When he had the operation and chemo and radio together it seemed to kill it off and in fact it was a secondary one that grew in a place they couldnât operate which finally did itâs worst. He loved life so when the doctor said to me this second one could grow either way, by which he meant it could grow in a way that would make him blind, unable to hear or move and he would be locked in his own body. So I am grateful that he was ok for the amount of time we had together and just fell into a coma.
A sad blessing but as you say we have some wonderful memories through their years with us.
Love
Helen
Think we both had very strong children. Inspirational in fact.
Our eldest daughter was amazing throughout the time Lisa was in hospital. She spent hours and hours at her bedside when she was kept in a coma. She played music for her sister to comfort her in case she was distressed. We all took turns each day to be with her as we had to look after the little one. When she was out of the induced coma we left her partner to be with her most of the time.
Little did we know that those precious moments would be short lived.
I am worried about our elder daughter as she has been absolutely devastated and is trying to run her business with a heavy heart. I know it will get better for her but she is in a dark place just now.
Xxxx
Hi Kate,
My eldest son still now some 2 and a half years later cannot say his name and doesnât seem to cope well, he has a very stressful job and he is very good with his three children which helps him but itâs almost as if it never happened I think that is his way of dealing with it.
love
Helen
Hi, Helen
Sarah is exactly as the same as Gerriant, she still will not mention Dawns name, so I havenât told her that I still feel depressed and keep crying. I cann talk to Aimee my granddaughter more as she still misses her aunti Dawn. All though Sarah does have photos out and some of her ashes. I just donât understand why they cannot talk to us . about their sister and brother? Pehaps they will in time?Love Maddie
That must be so difficult. Jemma and Lisa adored each other and also latterly worked together as Lisa took on the marketing for Jemmas business.
Jemma is struggling but had had to get back to her business and also do the work her sister used to do. Its really hard for her but she loved her sister so much she is inspired by her courage and that she told her moments before her death to make the business the best she could make it.
Poor girl is so so sad but has a network of close friends looking out for her so I know she will get through this. My love goes to you and your family.xxx
Dear Helen, Kate and all,
My youngest daughter, Tiffany, does not like talking about Gemma either. She says it makes her feel anxious. This makes me sad but as you say, Helen, hopefully she will in time.
I find it difficult to think about what happened but I try to remember all them happy times we had as a family all together.
Much love xxx
We have to. I am watching a video on my phone of Lisa and her wee toddler on a tea cup ride in Edinburgh last winter. She looks so happy and healthy. I will send it to her sister and hope it will help her to.
With lots of love to you. Kate xx
Dear Kate,
Thankyou for your reply, life is so hard without our beautiful sons and daughters.How have we managed to get through it I do not know? Dawn had so much to live for , she was like Lisa a terrific business woman , and she loved planning her holidays , especialy Florida. But she was quite ill the last year of her life, we thought she was getting better, but by the end of the year 2016 she went down ill fast , I was pleased when they took her back into hospital,as I thought they would sort her out again,but she went into a deep coma ,and never came out. And life changed for ever.Im so pleased that Jemma has some good friends to help her through this awful time. Love to all of you . Maddie xx
That must have been horrendous. I cannot imagine how hard that would have been that she was in a coma and didnt come out of it.
Bless your broken heart and hope that the years that have passed have helped you to heal just a little but we will never heal completely. Xxxx
Hi Kate and everyone, Iâm sure time will help your daughter. Siblings are so traumatised, I also lost my brother a few years ago.
Communicating by text, sending photos/videos etc. is a way of breaking the silence when itâs so difficult to speak the words. In the same way as posting on here, we are able to âvoiceâ many things which often we are unable to do or itâs much easier to do. We will be upset posting and reading posts but it a way of getting it all out.
Hugs to all x
I know what you mean. I feel so much better talking to you all as you know that anything we say will not be taken out of context for thought to he crazy in any way . One of the things I miss is the constant worry ! Years and years of worrying if Lisa was ok or not as she just got on with life.
The stomach churning when she had a hospital appointment or when she went for assessment for transplant at the Freeman institute, I would be sick if I ate anything at all. Then it would be ok and the elation that followed.
This was how it was for the last few years and now I miss it! Just that hollow empty feeling that cannot be filled.
Love to you. X
Bad evening last night as my sister phoned and i could barely speak as i was in total meltdown after having a couple of good days. Low this morning too and tearful when i was walking the dogs. Hoping the day will get better. I have been invited to coffee with friends this morning so need to put on a happy face if i can.
We are fortunate to have lived in a small village for 28 years so everyone has been so supportive as everyone knew Lisa as a child and adult.
They have been so kind to us in every way, bringing meals when we could barely think about shopping and cooking and checking on us on a daily basis. They looked after my husband when I was away for the two months and kept him company when he just wanted to stay at home.
We have a lot to be thankful for, especially the wonderful childhood our children had here and feeling safe when they were older too.
Just need to keep remembering the positives. Kate xxx
Dear Kate,
I still get very bad days 20 months after losing Gemma. My beautiful daughter suffered from depression and anxiety for a few years. She was such a bright girl and was receiving professional help. She was also working with Oxford University looking into depression. On the 1st February last year she emailed her ex husband asking him to collect their son from school, she said âsorry but I am too tired and sad to carry onâ. He immediately phoned me and I went to her but we didnât find her in time. My beautiful, loving girl had taken her own life.
Even as I write these words I can hardly believe it has happened, that we have lost her. Gemma worked in research and spent years researching into breast cancer.
Like you we live in a lovely village in Oxfordshire and have been overwhelmed by people who have truly looked after us and continue to do so. That is what helps to keep me going on the bad days.
Kate, someone on this site once said to me âif you have a bad day donât worry as you will have a better day tomorrowâ. Such good advice and we are all here for each other ⌠it is such a supportive place.
Try and enjoy coffee with your friends and take our love with you. Xxx
Dear Kate,
I still get very bad days 20 months after losing Gemma. My beautiful daughter suffered from depression and anxiety for a few years. She was such a bright girl and was receiving professional help. She was also working with Oxford University looking into depression. On the 1st February last year she emailed her ex husband asking him to collect their son from school, she said âsorry but I am too tired and sad to carry onâ. He immediately phoned me and I went to her but we didnât find her in time. My beautiful, loving girl had taken her own life.
Even as I write these words I can hardly believe it has happened, that we have lost her. Gemma worked in research and spent years researching into breast cancer.
Like you we live in a lovely village in Oxfordshire and have been overwhelmed by people who have truly looked after us and continue to do so. That is what helps to keep me going on the bad days.
Kate, someone on this site once said to me âif you have a bad day donât worry as you will have a better day tomorrowâ. Such good advice and we are all here for each other ⌠it is such a supportive place.
Try and enjoy coffee with your friends and take our love with you. Xxx