I’m so sorry about your son. I lost my son in 2020 so I know the pain you are going through. It’s sad but we have to take one day at a time. I still miss my son every day so much it hurts. You will get trough this I promise you. No one can ever replace our children. And it’s the most heartbreaking thing to go through. I am coping better, but he is never out of my mind. I find birthday Christmas are the worse. Please don’t think you are alone. People on here are going through the same as us. Just take one day at a time. 
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We are all in the same vile boat, the one thing we want we will never have. I try very hard to focus on my 3 other children and support them and my husband too. I distract my thoughts with jobs to do. I am a special needs teacher and I find because my role , my so loved role as Hollies mum has been taken away , I pour my care and love into them . I had 4 shockingly bad days at the start of this Christmas break as there just did not seem any point. For me I find writing in my diary EXACTLY how I feel complete with swearing etc really helps but then I’ve ket a diary 50 years now, I also set up a WhatsApp app in Hollies name and although as I type it sounds stupid, I send her messages and voice notes, go into 2025 honouring your son , this is probably the best way to try to move forward. Much love
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I seem to be on an endless quest to find answers but it’s a never ending task as there are no answers. It’s my sons birthday tomorrow and the load is still, even after all these years, heavy. I’ve also lost two darling brothers this year and sometimes I just think what’s the point. I know this dark mood will lift a little and I’ll be back to “cheerful” old me, put on that mask and carry on with that smile for everyone else.
I hope everyone had a bearable Christmas and I wish everyone a happy new year.
Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.
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Sorry I feel like I’ve completely lost track of time. My sons birthday is Jan 31st not December 31st, that’s what the doldrums will do to you.
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I feel your pain as I recently lost Rupert my beautiful son of 30. I also feel like I don’t want to leave him in 2024. The thought of it makes me feel terrible. It’s that whole life goes on thing I can’t deal with. It might for some but it doesn’t for me and I don’t feel at this point it ever will. I long to see him , hear his voice, his laugh, his key in the door. Life is so hard at times, I hate life at the minute. Take care, you will find comfort from the lovely people here x
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My son’s birthday is the 23rd he would have been 49 ,it is not right for children to die before their parents. But we have to go for them
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I take great comfort from all the lovely people brought together in this group. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you all. I just wish we were messaging each other under different circumstances. I hope we all find some kind of peace and strength in the new year and life becomes less unbearable x
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I’m so sorry. I remember well the first New Year after I lost my daughter, Gemma. I felt as though I was moving into a new year and leaving her behind and was completely bereft. But we don’t really … we take them with us, all the lovely memories. We take them with us in our hearts x
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Dear Pest, My son was such a kind, loving funny man and I still find it so hard to be happy without him. He loved his daughter so much and never lived to see his grandchildren. They would have loved him so much. They live far away and I’ve only met them once which is also very hard. I still talk to him and I will always carry him in my heart. I am blessed to still have his brother with me and I must never forget how much he loved his brother as well. I hope you can be happy in the New Year. Sending love to every one.
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Sending Love and strength to old and new friends on this site 
, this is the worst possible thing that can happen to a parent, and some of us have shared this journey for a few years and some have just joined and as Victoria says i too can remember that awful feeling going into the new year without them but we do carry them in our hearts always the bond we have with our children can never be broken, only the parents on this site truly know how you feel , its one more year closer to when we will meet them again, always look for signs, they will send them and they are not coincidenes they give you strength to keep going as thats what our precious children would want, much love to all friends from Michelle xxxx
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Thank you x
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My heartfelt thanks to you all on this forum, I feel it’s the place I’m most understood and feel ok to rage/rant/cry without feeling uncomfortable or ( my main worry) upsetting others, I wish you all a peaceful new year x
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Hi all.
Well that’s another Christmas and new year out of the way. Another year passed. I used to really struggle at Christmas. Not that I’m religious at all. But for some reason we put a big emphasis on it being family time. Like throughout the year family time isn’t just as important. Our loss is amplified at Christmas. That’s a bit mental really. Because we miss our kids everyday, not just for a week at the end of December. When I first lost my boy someone told me. You’ll find it hard at Christmas. And I did, really hard. But as time marches on. You come to realize it’s just a mind thing. You programme yourself into believing that, that time of year will be the worst. When in reality it’s no different than any other time of year. I can miss my boy in the middle of June. Or a wet weekend in January or any random day of the year. Yes there will be milestones. Birthdays ect. But the truth is. We miss them every single day. I don’t need an occasion to justify to myself that I’m thinking about him. It’s a personal thing between me and my boy. Sometimes you feel them in your soul. You can sense them. Sometimes you can’t. That’s just how it goes. They are always never far from your thoughts. That’s what we have to live with. The silent struggle that others around you don’t see. That split second when you see a trigger point, that floods your mind with memories and emotions, but you snap out of it and carry on with your day. When your child has been gone for a while, once in a blue moon someone might mention them or infact nobody ever mentions them. That’s on them not you because inside your head you mention their name every single day. And I suppose that’s the most important thing that they are still very much around even if it’s just in your head. Doesn’t really matter wether others remember them of not. We’d like to think they do or even get a bit annoyed if they don’t. But Sam was my son. Other people have their own thoughts and emotions to carry round with them. In the end Christmas comes and goes. We are left in the same position after all the festivities have passed as we were before they started. I don’t beat myself up anymore at this time of year. I console myself with the great memories of having my boy in the first place.
Ok, thanks for listening
Take care
Jim.
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Hi Jim you all know we love your writing, you explain our lifes so well, i find my self nodding as im reading , its so true all days are the same why should christmas be any different . Theres an empty chair at my dinner table all the time where my sam used to sit , my house is quite and the smell of his aftershave is not around anymore. I spray it sometimes in his room and sit for awhile , …
Why do horrible dates stick , four years ago yesterday the 13 th we sat in the hospital room to a strange doctor saying to my 24 year old son you have cancer in your thigh, your bones and your lungs. I will give you time and walked from the room …he had a pain in his leg this couldnt be real , we got sent to the marsden and they said he should never had been told like that .after another biopsy sam got told he had less than a year he had a very rare sarcoma the only one they had seen like it…my superhero of a son never cried ,never got angry . …i was hysterical he said “its ok mum”… we got outside he said “oh mum thought id have 10 years”…my beautiful boy lasted four months he passed on the 27th april.my mums birthday , did she come get him who knows… January’s a yuk months … ive lost my partners neice to the big c another brave soul she was 56…why has someone put us through this awfull torment, its torture really .and yes i get angry who thinks about our babies every day just us. Like jim says it dont matter but i do feel cross i want to shout he was alive, sam did exist. Sorry on abit of a rant now. I feel sad with the world tonight .just found out my mums best friend past 85 she had a life and was amazing but in her life time she lost two children is there a god …
Just want to say thank you for all your support i had my breast cancer op all good got to have radiotherapy next and tablets for five years, i did it before i can do it again.yes i am lucky to be here i still have my daughter and beautiful grandchildren… we all have to hold sam in our hearts pockets , his with me everyday our thought are silent no one knows the pain and sadness … i wish you all the best for
2025 all friends old and new much love zoe xx
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Hi Zoe - good news about the cancer op. I agree with all you and Jim say. Actually today is the third anniversary of my daughter’s death. I’m gonna keep busy and hope that the day goes fast. The last two anniversaries my grandkids came over. They haven’t mentioned it this year and I’m not reminding them. I feel differently about my daughter’s birthday and want to keep marking that for the rest of my life. Whatever we do, however we get better at ‘coping’ it’s hard every day. I just keep on keeping on as you and all the mums and dads do. Sending you very best. Xxxx
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Thank you for your kind words sending you a big hug ,
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been a while always reading other messages looking for anything to help loke everyone else put on game face and just pretend
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Six years this July since we lost our Lisa. Think of her every minute. Her wee girl is her image. Catch my breath at times as her mannerisms are the same as her Mummy. She lives on in her wee girl.
From tragedy we have a shining light but we still have to live each day without her and Brooke has to grow up without her devoted Mummy.
Love to you.
Kate
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Jim, you inspire us as always. You articulate so perfectly how we all feel. It helps me so much to know that I am not alone on this journey but also saddens me that all you lovely people are suffering like me. But we do give each other strength. Gemma’s son, my beautiful grandson, at 8 years old had to be told that his mummy had gone to heaven. He is 14 now and has asked to go back for bereavement counselling with Child Bereavement UK. He is so brave and I would really recommend this lovely organisation.
Maddie can’t get on to reply on here at the moment (we are trying to get it sorted) but she can read your messages and sends lots of love to you all. Huge hugs to you all xxx
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