Hi victoria glad your grandson has reached out thats really good .
Kate your little grandaughter Brooke growing up before our eyes bless her.
I often think of maddie hopefuly she be back soon .
Sending love to you all for a Healthy peaceful year 
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I just want to say Jess if your reading hope your ok my friend love zoe
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Ah yes Zoe ,I don’t comment much but still keep an eye on posts. Nothing changes does it , time just passes, I’m still screaming on the inside and waiting , just able to control it all a bit better now. Always wondering how could it happen . Nearly 4 years for us now , time just moves on doesn’t it . I don’t see me ever getting rid of my boys stuff tho, someone else will have to do it after I have gone. What life throws at us aye , hopefully it makes us wiser kinder people. Sorry you have had a tough time lately , I am keeping ok but my husbands been in and out of hospital a lot as things don’t seem to go smoothly when you get older do they.
Your Sam is never forgotten , everyone on this thread knows him from those lovely photos and the way you speak about him, it’s almost like we have met him ,and we have all been on the same emotional rollercoaster . When I think of my boy and May 2021 I think of your Sam also, and when I hear Rag n bone man sing a new song I wonder what your son would have thought about it. Sending love to all xx Jess xx
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Sending love to you all, lovely to hear from some old friends, thats how i see you all as friends, thank goodness for you all, sending healing hugs to you Zoe, take care all, hope to hear from you soon Maddie xxx
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Dearest friends. As Michelle says, we are friends here. Friends who understand completely how we all feel.
Also every time i hear the Rag and bone man, I am Giant, i think of Jess’s Sam.
Always in our hearts. We are here for each other no matter what time of day.
Love to all.
Kate x
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Hello all, Hollies mum (Jacqui) here. I was very fixated on getting through Hols first birthday without having her here, on the 16th December and then Christmas straight after and we did different things to our normal ( Hol LOVED birthdays and Christmas) and I was proud as a family how we got through it. Then January arrived and it has been so damn hard, it’s 7 months and 5 days and my word have I learnt to hide a lot behind being busy/fixed smile. You know when you go to the dentist and they numb your mouth? YOU feel completely different but anyone looking on can’t see or tell the difference. I’m very appreciative of being honest and open on this forum, we all know the pain, the anger and the loneliness and in a biazzare way, it helps to know there are, sadly, a lot of us in the same place , love to all x A pic of me and my girl because I love her so and I’m so so proud of her
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Hi Jacqui, lovely photo.course you are so proud . such early days for you .i feel we all hide behind our mask .the pain is a rollercoaster ride of emotions that can knock you of your feet, I will say this forum saved me many times day and night ,im forever grateful that i could voice exactly how i was feeling the beautiful people on here are in the same boat, we dont want to be here but we are and we all help each other along , always feel jacqui you can talk and saying anything your among friends take care of your self big hugs❤️ love zoe
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Hi Jess thank you for messaging, dont know what i thought but your always on my mind .yes my sam and the song Giant by rag and bone man .this site makes us all connected in a such a sad way .we are all lovely people that have been dealt terrible cards ,always here jess take careof yourself, it dont matter you have your lovely boys things sams bedroom is the same .i cant throw nothing , i hope all our Angels are having a real good time no pain,hurt just carefree and happy… big hugs jess… love zoe 
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Thank you michelle for your kind words and you kate like you say michelle pur babies are in our heart pockets
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Hi Zoe, I too also think of you and your lovely boy whenever I hear ‘I am giant’. Music is one thing I struggle with now and I used to live listening to music. We lose so much.
Jacque, I love the photo of you and your Hollie … you both look so happy and I can see the fun you had together. You must have so many precious me memories xxx
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Dear Jim,
It was as if you wrote that for me, that’s exactly how I feel. My wonderful daughter died without warning three years ago aged 35 and so I never got to hold her and tell her how very much I loved her or comfort her in her last moments and it kills me time and time again. You smile and get on with life, and everyone thinks you’re ok, but you can never be ok really, the rest of your life changed in that moment. Thankyou for putting your thoughts down, it helps to know
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How I relate to the loss of your daughter. I lost my 39 year old son 4 years ago. Even though it feels like yesterday. I didn’t hold him or with him in his final moments. It haunts me every single day. Yes I tell people I’m ok, but secretly I’m not and never will be. I Miss him so much my heart hurts every single moment of the day. Don’t know how I get through another day. Strength I guess keeps me going. I’m truly sorry for the loss of your daughter.
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hi dont post much but reading helps me try to understand how im feeling my 37 year old daughter died suddenly coming up to 2 year anniversary as jim says u miss them every day not just birthday Christmas anniversary it always there life is never the same they never out of ur mind think second year b worse are u in shock for so long i could talk about it in begaining but not as much now i try to keep busy i no im lucky to get 2 have her 2 boys a lot that helps and i no she want me to help look after them i always did but this year i found i dont want to do much else my work has helped even tough it hard i talk people
all day it can b hard i always change subject now ask all bout them dont want talk about me much it draining hopefully i will find myself again i didt realise how good i got at putting on front the energy i had last year right go walking do anything other then sitting with my toughts i think i was scared of the grief but now i just let it in cry when i want too sometimes i get people saying u so strong i hate that i dont have choice but when get to much i do have to block it to painful how i learnt to do that i never no people use to talk about putting it in a box now i understand that if make sense didt help her husband meet someone so soon i no he young said he lonely i just have to not say much keep good relationships going for kids as long as they ok they my main concern i give them kisses and hugs all the time cause there mum was so like that with them i think my pain more for what she missing but il always do my best for them xx
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Dear friend, yes i think the 2nd year os harder as the shock has gone and reality is the only thing. Living without them for the rest of our lives. It does hurt so much. We are now coming up to 6 years since we lost Lisa at just 31.
We are fortunate that we have her little girl, our only grandchild. She keeps us going and is a joy. She adores her Auntie Jemma, our elder daughter who has grieved so much for her sister. Little Brooke fills a hole in her heart as she does ours.
Life throws some awful things at us.
Keep strong dear friend, we here are always just a click away.
Lots of love, Kate xx
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Hi all. Finding your way back after child loss is an unfamiliar road. Once you have done all the initial stuff at the beginning, hospitals, funerals , coroner’s, dealing with all the fall out , of finances, relationships, ect ect, the list goes on, after you have fought your way through all those things , you are left with an alien existence, your brain doesn’t just click in to ( manage any situation mode). It takes a long time to process and deal with your loss, it can take years. In the beginning, it feels like absolutely everything is different. The way you see the world and everything in it feels different. I genuinely think the biggest eye opener for me was when I finally realized that I am the only one that can feel the way I do about my son. Because it’s my personal grief. When he first died it was my uneducated thought process that told me everyone would feel the same at his death, but they don’t, the people on the peripheral of his life move on really quickly. And that’s fine, I don’t expect anyone to get upset over my boy except me. My son had a best friend, they grew up through school together, were inseparable, were almost joined at the hip. He would spend more time at my house than his own. Long story short!!! When my son was killed, his friend came to the funeral, and that was it. Not seen or heard from him since. Always baffles me why people behave in that way. My wife says maybe my son’s friend has his own demons to deal with and can’t face me. I personally don’t think it’s that. I think the majority of people just prefer to avoid talking about death and grief. Until it happens to them. When it does happen it’s almost like you’ve found a hidden door that you’ve never dared to open. But grief opens it for you and you suddenly realize that there’s this whole other part of life experience that nobody has ever told you about, once you have opened the door you have to adapt and encompass all of the feelings into your everyday life. I’m a fews years down the line and so I know my son has long since been forgotten, or he’s not mentioned in certain circles. I’m good with that, as long as I remember him that’s all that matters, and I remember him every single day.
Ok thanks for listening
Take care, jim
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yes people do surprise you i used to b angry about no contact from close people but iv let it go as it on them not me think they just dont no what to say stupid question if they ask how are you i was probably one of them people until it happens to you and yes it very lonely in ur own head as it ur child i just but on the mask most days x
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Hi all , forgive me I’ve had a drink. Bumped into some people yesterday that I new from before my son died. We did the usual catching up, reminiscing. But I felt nothing. Made me. Realize how much I’ve changed. My son isn’t the be all and end all of my everyday life. But it hit home that I myself have changed so much. Yes the day he died is a defining moment ( for me ). But I realized I’d forgotten so many memories of the life I had before. I suddenly saw, all the things I’d done since he passed. Things he would know nothing about. We carry them with us everyday. But like looking at an old photo you suddenly realize how much you’ve moved on without them. They day they died you are stuck in than timeframe with them until you actually arn,t. Life moves on. But you like to keep yourself locked in the time you had with them. Time doesn’t stand still. My boy was 24 when he died. So much has happened since that day. And he saw none of it. But I go back to when he was here. He would be different, I am different. Growing old with him would be my dream. But time stood still the day he died. Yet for us it didn’t. But you can’t convince yourself of that. Many many times I remember the date. But since then the world has changed. I try to picture what he would be doing now. Who he met , his children, his jobs. His life. It all ended that day. And I have to just imagine. Sometimes you think to yourself are they doing the same. Are they looking down on us and seeing what we do. Ok thanks for listening. Sorry just drunken rambling
Take care
Jim
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Oh Jim I know exactly how you feel. Gemma would be 50 on Monday and I think about everything that has happened in our lives since we lost her. Just normal low key family events. I can remember the first New Year after we lost her and I was distraught, recognising that I was leaving her behind and moving into a new year without her. I still feel that now.
I think after time people move on and don’t think of her so much but I think of her all the time every single day and I still talk to her too.
I’m lucky in that I have good friends who remember her and that keeps her alive for me.
I am glad I have my faith because that helps me so much and I know I will see her again one day.
Love to you all xx
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Dear Jim, i think its the same for all of us. Close friends remember our lost children and remember the dates as well. I get texts on her birthday and the anniversary sending love to us.
Others dont even consider how we suffered then and now at times.
Yes, our lives move on as theirs did not. I see Lisa in Brooke so much now. Its uncanny really. We are lucky to have her.
Love to to you dear Jim
Kate
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My son died in 2020 bowel cancer got him. He was 39. Diagnosis to passing was just 3 weeks. At least he didn’t suffer for ages, but it’s no comfort. It was during COVID and didn’t get to say goodbye to him. I phoned the hospice to say I would be coming to see him at 9.am. I asked on the phone tell him I love him. Nurse came back to me, and said she had told him. Then told me he had just passed. He had a half brother, and it’s so strange he smiles laughs just like his brother. Miss my son so much. Sometimes I just want to go to him. I hope one day I will see him, if there is a after life. 
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