Maybe that is what Maddie cab do then x
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Think so Victoria.x
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@Jim10 i absolutely love your posts, you just seem to put into words exactly how I am feeling when I canāt. Itās 4 years since I lost my son, forever 28. Lifeās hard but as the anniversaries mount up emotions change, i know Iām a different person now, how couldnāt I be, I truly hope people understand that, this is a tough road weāre on xx
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Youre right my love. We are changef forever. A close friend of mine says there is always sadness in my eyes, no matter how much i try to put on a brave face.
Sending love.
Kate xx
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So true i think we all live behind a mask ā¦sometimes in a room everyone chatting but your not really there your thoughts somewhere else. If im honest i think grief causes a loneliness even when your with the people you love ā¦
Theres always that yearning tugging at our hearts . It never goes away, you cant put it into words .we all want to hug our babies, the longing is here until we meet again someday. Love to you all love zoe 
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Yes I think I do live behind a mask, and it is a very lonely life at times, I just long for someone to understand, thatās why I sometimes pop on here because I know we all feel the same, maybe at different stages of our grief, but itās nice to know not going crazy xx
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We are the only ones who really understand as even our closest friends and family have no idea how hard this is.
Thank goodness we found each other here.
Kate xxxxx
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Thinking of you all today dear friends. Its not easy is it?
Love to everyone.xxxx
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Itās been bloody awful, I was dreading it. I was supposed to go for lunch with my daughter but sheās ill. Iāve spent the day alone and crying. Nobody knows or understand unless this happens to them, they just think they do. Sending love to everyone 
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Not easy no on our masks go for our other children .my jess always buys me a card from sam bless her .we have to make the best of it dont we thinking of you all sending big hugs
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Its awful. I had a beautiful delivery from Jemma of roses and a spa selection ftom M n S. So lovely. However today i have been so so sad. Miss Lisa so much as we all do our lost children.xx
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Itās not easy at all and strangely this year I have felt quite numb. I put out my Motherās Day card from Gemma as I do every year now, the last one she sent me, along with the two from my son and younger daughter.
Just so sad and thinking of you all today especially
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Hello all dear friends , after all this time I think I have managed to get back on to this wonderful site , I have missed talking to you all , and thanks to Victoria she has passed on a couple of messages for me . Xx
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Oh maddie so lovely to see you back .with friends old and new wishing you all peace and love ā¦ive just finished radiotherapy so im very tired but im still here fighting big hugs to you all xxx
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hi everyone dont wright much but i always read posts trying to find away through make you feel u not alone just over 2 years from my beautiful daughter has gone have been going through numb stage of feeling nothing yesterday mother day i got beautiful flowers from children and that was flood gates open but im glad cause just need good cry cause feeling numb make me feel like something wrong with me then i went outside and 2 beautiful white feathers there i took it as a sighn from my daughter i no she b happy her husband sent flowers thats what i have to believe just keep going we dont have a choice it so true waves come and feeling numb ok to it how we get to get up everyday and keep going love to all in this life we never thought would come to us xx
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Iām glad we all here to support each other and welcome back Maddie! Zoe I hope your treatment is going okay and glad you are doing well.
Shaz, you did so well and how lovely to see the feathers ā¦ I think sometimes we live to see signs from our precious children xxx
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Hi dear friend. We will be 6 years in July since our beautiful Lisa left us. A few weeks or months after, i cant really remember how long, i found a white feather dead centre of my car windscreen. Definitely a sign my love.
Stay strong, let the tears come when they want to. We here understand.
Much love
Kate xx
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Hi all. A very good friend of mine lost his brother quite a years ago. He never talks about it except every now and then he says. I wish I could have done more. I tried to tell him that itās just survivors guilt. I feel that all the time. Not because I could have done more. But because you convince yourself that you could have done more. Iām n my case my son lost his life and it was completely out of the blue. Never saw it coming. But it hits you like a train. So you are left with ifs buts and maybe.s. And of course ā if I could turn the clock back ā. But unfortunately you are left with. This is it. Afterwards you have to rebuild and carry on in the world without them. Itās not easy because you are always asking yourself what could I have done differently. Questions that can never be answered. Trying to adapt without your child is terrible. I hate waking up everyday without him. But itās all Iāve got. Iām a good bit along the line so most days I just get on with it. But every now and then. You just want to get off the merry go round and stop pretending everything in the world is fine. I carry him with me every single day. Some days are harder than others but you have to act ā normal ā. Life throws curved balls at you sometimes and you have to live with it. I know people that have lost someone and just never talk about it. But I do no they have demons. You canāt loose someone and just carry on like nothing happened. Iām just so glad I can come on here and spout off about whatever. It helps. So thank you everyone for. Just listening
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Jim10 oh my goodness yes , as always you hit the nail on the head. You always write in such a clear way how i believe most of us feel inside . I find myself agreeing with everything you say anyway. Nearly 4 years and still the what ifs and buts and suddenly being floored again out of the blue. ( like for me just last night )
Keep writing Jim ,you describe this journey so well and it reminds us itās not an easy one , so many twists and turns but as long as we keep moving along we are doing ok . Thanks jss
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Hello to everyone on this thread. I donāt write very often, but I read your posts from time to time. It helps to know Iām not the only bereaved parent, but how I wish we didnāt have to go through this grief.
Today is difficult for me - itās my wedding anniversary (husband died suddenly nearly 20 years ago). On Monday, it will be the anniversary of losing my beloved son Oliver. He died in April 2022. I still canāt believe it sometimes. Time does not bring relief.
I have a strong family and we all support each other. Mothersā Day, last Sunday, was difficult - it was good to spend time with my children and grandchildren, but the void Oliver has left in our lives is huge. We all loved him so much. It breaks my heart to see his two lovely children growing up without their dad. He was so proud of them.
I have a kind partner, but he doesnāt understand. I feel so lonely.
So I keep putting one foot in front of the other and try to do useful things. There is no real joy any more.
Wishing you all well - SusanJ
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