Jim10, it’s only 9 months since I lost my only child unexpectedly aged 27……the questions don’t ever go but they are becoming “quieter”…ie don’t interfere with every though, every day but as you say, I don’t expect them to ever go away. He has left a massive hole in our lives….sometimes don’t see the point in carrying on as we have nobody to pass our legacy onto……but we get up daily and plod on……
It does help to be able to share on a forum like this……gets it out of your head and helps you feel a little less alone.
Take care all x
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Hello dear friends , how you are so suffering and I can relate to you . We have had a lovely couple of days . Met up with Victoria and husband Bill . Today had another lovely daysaton beach . But I was so weepy . Thinking Dawn could have all these lovely days of summer ahead of her . . What upset me . Was Dawn was so il , and she ask her husband to take her to the sea , but she was so I’ll , her husband said I want to take you back to hosipal . That’s what he did , and that was it She never came out again. But hopefully she did see the sea That’s what we have to live with with . Sorry after all this time for being so depressing . Love to all Maddy x
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That last line, ‘there’s no real joy anymore’.
That is how I feel. I would not say that other than to my husband and on here. I smile, I love my 3 remaining children was a passion and I like to see them happy. It’s on a personal level I struggle. My daughter had special needs and we literally came as a pair! She had the most wonderful caring funny outlook on life and there was never a dull moment. I try hard to honour her memory by socializing or making my special needs students ( I am a teacher) laugh but there’s a big empty space inside me that I just can’t fill. It will be 10 months on April 10th. I come here and I see others feeling the same which is a weird comfort. Wishing you all peace xx
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My son Had special needs,he died aged 47 in July 2023 from cancer. They can be hard work,but also the most loving kind people. He had no symptoms , until pain in hips and spine he died within 3 months.My husband and I love and miss him everyday, the pain will ever go away,
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Sending love Maddie. On holiday atm with Jemma and Brooke. Such a joy watching Brooke in the pool with her holiday friend. She is so happy. We miss Lisa so much but happy i am able to give Jemma and Brooke a lovely holiday.
Love to you and all here.
Kate xxx
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Hello Kate , glad you are having a nice time with Brooke and Jemma , such lovely weather which helps . Yes there is always sadness when we do something nice like holidays , thinking our lovely girls can’t have this . I seem to be more and more weepy now . 8 years down the line people think because we are on
holiday enjoying ourselves , we havent got the endless pain in our hearts . Enjoy the rest of your holiday . With love Maddie xxxx
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I do think little breaks away do help a little.
I do make a big effort around my family too, especially my grandchildren as they deserve a happy life and I don’t want their life to be just full of sadness.
Gemma was a lovely, vibrant girl and I don’t want her life to be remembered just for her death. She was so much more than that xx
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@Jim10 I cried when I read your message , your words totally describe how I feel and in an odd way it’s reassuring to know that my feelings are not unique, this road we’re on now is such a lonely one it’s so good to come on here and read your messages, now I don’t feel quite as lonely. Thank you x
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Today marks 10 months without my lovely Hol, we literally went everywhere as a pair. I was her Mum first and foremost, her carer very much an secondary automatic occupation. I miss her endlessly, she brought so much joy to everyone she met.
This group brings some comfort as we are at that stage where people assume ’ they are doing ok’. Unless you have lost a child it’s hard for people to understand the depth of that loss.
Love to all, one foot in front of the other.
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Hi all.
Where to begin. Recently read a few posts from newly bereaved parents. ( that sounds a bit clinical). However reading their stories brings it all back at how absolutely devastating it is to loose a child. Your whole world collapses. There is no timeframe or structure Just stumbling around in utter disbelief and confusion. It’s almost like you have an out of body experience such is the abnormality of your situation. When I look back to when I lost my son. I didn’t see what lay ahead in the future. How his death would change me. Change my personality. Perspective. My attitude.
In the beginning you don’t see how out of kilter you are with the whole world and everyone in it. Your every waking moment is focused on your child and you can’t see past that. You actually can’t believe they are gone because your brain won’t allow you to except. In the following weeks and months I was just a shell of a person running for on empty. I didn’t eat. Didn’t sleep. Didn’t do anything as all I could think about was my dead son. Nothing was relevant. I cared about nothing. Looking back you realise that is grief. It takes a while before you can function again it’s like learning to live again. You have to allow yourself the time to heal. Don’t get me wrong. It never goes away. But you have to start at zero and build yourself up to function in society again. The thing is people only see you from the outside they have no idea what’s going on underneath in your head. After a while you start to fit “in”. Again. But you will always feel a little bit out of kilter with everyone else. That’s because you lost a bit of yourself when you lost your child. You lost a part of yourself you can never get back. I think when it first happens it really makes you ill. Yes you try to do everyday things and routine stuff but it all becomes a fog that you can’t see through. Weeks and months roll by. Sometimes a year or two. When you come out the other side and take stock. That’s when you see how different you are. People are always reluctant to talk about death and what it does to those left behind. Yes I’ve only lost my boy not like some people who have had multiple losses. But never the less it still does things to you. Things you can’t quite put your finger on. How you feel about certain stuff either negatively or positively. These days on the surface I’m just an everyday average bloke getting on with life. I’m happily married. Working. Doing all the normal stuff. But there’s always just that little something missing. That’s the bit you have to learn to keep on top of and manage.
Ok thanks for listening
Jim
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Lovely words Hollie, our hearts are aching for our beautiful children ,and it hurts that no one else ever mentions Dawns name , , like she didn’t exits. Good job we can come on this site and talk nd keep them alive as no one else seems to do
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Thanks for all the posts on this thread, they make me feel a little less lonely.
I like the quote on “Hollie1988”. Every day is a “hard day” so I guess we have to focus on the happiness our children brought us. I’ve just had the third anniversary of my son’s death - it doesn’t get any easier. He was the sunshine of my life. 
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Hi Jim I have just read your post and feel I can relate to some of the things you say. I lost my son only 6 weeks ago he was 32. It was so sudden and unexpected. We still don’t know what happened to him yet. I feel as though I am looking at life from the outside like I don’t feel part of it any more. The heartbreak and devastation I feel is crippling.
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The initial shock is so unreal. I remember collapsing on the floor in the hospital and hearing this animal like wailing. It was me . I couldn’t breathe.
Everything just went blank. Its awful.
I am sending love and strength to you.
It will get better but you will never be the same.
Kate xx
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My GP said to me when we lost Gemma ‘this will change you and every one will have to get used to the new you.’ She was so right.
I feel as though I live life now with an undercurrent of sadness and that is our reality now.
I do have moments of happiness now which I didn’t for a long time.
But Gemma is always in my thoughts and deep in my heart xx
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Oh Jim , your words are unbelievable , I am not good with putting words together, but you already know what ever you put on hear everyone can relate to . Like you
everyday for me is painful , Deep down every time I think of Dawn I want to cry no matter what time of day . I still
can’t believe afte 8 years and 4 months today she has gone . And thinking of her her is painful . This beautiful weather gets us out and about , I love it sitting by the sea I love . But sitting there watching the waves , starts to me sad , as Dawn ask her Husband to take her to the sea , but she was so I’ll
, her husband wanted to take her straight back to hospital , but she said no . But a couple of days later she was back in , and sadly never come out again . . Pats our life now , how have we ever managed to carry on . Everyone on
this site has their own awful sad stories . Sending love to everyone , Maddie xxxx
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Dawn passed at 2.15 in the
morning , we had been with every hour after the terrible news when we all got called in to see her Doctor . I had cried for days and days . But at 2.15 she took one big breath and one small one and she was gone . But unlike you Lisa I did not cry I never forget the nurse coming in and straightening her legs . And then the strange drive home in the moonlight . All day it had rained but , but I couldn’t get over that beautiful moon . We climbed into bed at 4 and I still hadn’t cried . We j heard a noice in the lounge about 7 it was still dark . The first thing I said to John oh that’s Dawn , but no of course it wouldn’t be , it was Sarah she let herself in , she came to comfort us . Victoria and Lisa you are so right we are different mothers now , our hearts are broken , I didn’t cry that night of December 11 th 8! years ago , but I haven’t stopped crying since . Sending love to all Maddie xxxx
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As always Zoe thinking of you and your family at this sad time. Sending love 
. I don’t think our broken hearts will ever heal in this lifetime but it helps to know we are not alone and there is plenty of love and understanding on here as we move along this painful journey 🩷hugs Xx jss
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Hi jess how you remember i know we came on four years ago but it feels like yesterday .sams 4 th anniversary is on sunday . Ive been really down trying to get used to the sideffects of the cancer tablet letrozole back on for five years . I feel so sad need my boy need a hug and a chat its not right is it. When did you loose your boy jess was it may . Thank you for your kind words and everyones support sending big hugs 
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Its awful for you just now. With all thats happening to you as well.
Sending love to you dear girl.
Kate xxxxx
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