Dear Jen - and everyone else on this thread. I do feel sad that another person has joined this site after losing a beloved child. I know the pain is unbearable. We somehow get through the days. I also know how hard it is to see our surviving children grieve. My boys were “best mates” as well as brothers, so my younger son misses his brother dreadfully. As does my daughter. I am lucky to have other children and grandchildren, but there is a void in our family now.
I wish you strength for the days ahead and send love. 
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Thank you Sue. I am broken and the depth of my pain is so intense I don’t know how I am supposed to live like this until the day I die. I have to be strong for my eldest son and husband but there are no words for how I feel at the moment. Not sleeping. Just about eating and exhausted and feel as though I have a weight in my head every day. It’s eight long long weeks tomorrow and every second this pain intensifies significantly. I just don’t know how to live anymore.
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So sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. How old was he Sue? How are you doing and everyone else on here. I know I am not in a good way but forgot to ask about all you kind people who have taken the time to reply to me 
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My son was 32. He would be 33 on the 11th June. He passed away 13 weeks ago. The pain is still intense . I cannot even begin to understand how I can live my life without. Sending love xx
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I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost your son. I lost my son 4 years ago but feels like yesterday. I also feel like you even now. I feel I’m only existing. My son was 39. Bowel cancer got him. Diagnosed just 3 weeks before he passed. I sleep eat and breathe every day asking." WHY " He didn’t deserve to die. I think about him all the time. It does get a little easier as time goes on. I have twin sons and a husband. I only exists for them. Look after yourself.
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Time does help although the sadness never goes away. This is my Gemma who I lost when she was 42. You will get through this … such early days for you darling 
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She’s beautiful . So sorry for you and your daughter that she is gone.
I don’t think I will ever laugh again. Things are pointless, I have never been materialistic just love for my husband and 2 sons is all I have ever needed and I am struggling to cope in this world without Matt.
I know I have to go on but the panic I have physically and mentally for when I think about how to do this for the rest of my life is overwhelming.
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Dear Jen,
I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious son, the trauma of finding him and the not knowing why is heartbreaking for you all, its 6 years since we lost our precious son Matt aged 22, when i read your post i felt physical pain for you and i am not sure how we survived but somehow we have, i have twin daughters who miss their big brother so much, i survived for them and my husband because they needed me so much, the early days its just existing from one day to the next, some days you dont even manage to get out of bed and there is nothing wrong with that, you just have to be kibd to yourself, cry, scream get angry and when you need us just come on this site we will be there fo you, please believe us that somehow you will get through, some of us have had inquests too which are horrendous reliving it all over again but it helps bring a bit of closure so you can move further along this grieving journey that we all share with you, sending you love and strength to help you through.
Michelle xxxx
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Hi Jim,
Your brother is an ass, am so sorry that he did this and didn’t even msg you especially as he was reminded, we are all different but me i would have to have a chat with him to let him know how much it hurt you, these anniversaries keep coming and for us it certainly dosnt get any easier, sending hugs.
Michelle xxx
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Thank you Michelle. How awful for you all too no words really can describe this pain. Your post does give me a little bit of strength. At the moment I have nothing more I can give as just breathing seems to be hard enough
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I would just like to mention The Compassionate Friends. This is an organisation that supports bereaved parents. They have a helpful website. In some areas, there are support groups, where people who have lost a child can meet together. I realise these are very early days for Jen, but you may like to think about contacting TCF in the future. You asked how long ago I lost my son - he died of a brain tumour in April 2022. All I ever wanted was to be a mum. I married very young, and Oliver was my firstborn. He brought me so much joy. I have another son and a daughter, we are all very close as I lost my husband some years ago. The loss of a child, though, is a unique pain. I have to keep going for the others. Oliver was happily married with two young children of his own. He had so much to live for. We miss him beyond words. - Susan R. xx
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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter in tragic circumstances, like all of us here, 3 years ago. The pain felt physical as well as emotional and it was intense and all consuming. I wanted to die too. Somehow we keep on keeping on. That is enough. Over time, a long time, somehow I managed to function again. My girl is in my mind constantly but I’ve learned to multi function and grieve and still do the routine things that we all have to do. It’s very early days for you and don’t expect too much of yourself. You will see people urging you to be kind to yourself and they are right, but right now things must feel unbearable, so much to process amid utter pain and real trauma. Get thru each day in whatever way you can. I tell you from the bottom of my heart that sometime, not yet, but sometime you will see tiny glimmers of peace. They will come but in their own time. It’s the hardest thing for a mum or dad to lose someone they brought into the world, it’s not surprising you feel awful the pain shows how much love you have. It won’t ‘come right’ but it can become more bearable. Honestly. X
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At 14.41 today 13 weeks ago our son suddenly passed away. I happened to be in B & M at the time in floods of tears. It feels like the pain is getting worse. Will it ever get any better?
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What a dreadful, exhausting time we are all having. It’s a strange comfort but knowing I’m not going a bit mad with night terrors, wishing with all my heart I could have my daughter back , losing hours every day is actually not unusual as all of us share our emotions. On the 3rd June at 2pm 2024 we were told that Hollies cancer was so aggressive as to be untreatable. We were told she had 2/3 weeks. Returning to her room and watching her complete a jigsaw was surreal, surely they couldn’t be right? Within 2 days Hol was so very ill, sleeping but out of pain, when she woke she asked for her dog who was allowed in on the Thursday, she died the following Monday at 6pm June 10th. I literally will never be the same person not will my husband or remaining 3 grown up children. I do owe it to Hollie to remember that she didn’t just die, that she lived the most glorious , happiest wonderful life and was universally loved. With all my heart I wanted her with me for far far longer. For now I exist to wait for the day to see her again. My love to you all, we are all here for each other
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Hello Sue , I am so so sorry for your loss and sorry you have had to join this site . I’m in tears reading your post Everything you are going through I felt 8 years ago losing our beloved Daughter Dawn The pain of trying to get through everyday was unbearable , not being able to think about anything but what the precious person you have just lost. . I must admit some days I still
want to scream my head off . I kept asking myself , how am I ever going to get through this ? Everyone said councilling , tried mediums to try and get any sort of comfort . I really don’t know now how I found this website , but it’s the best thing that helped me through it The other wonderful parents , are always there to listen and reply , even though I know they must be feeling the same It’s such early days , so baby steps , and do anything to bring you a bit of comfort . Sending hugs to you and all on this site . Love Maddie xxx
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What a lovely picture of Hollie, beautiful girl. I am so sorry for her loss as I am for all the other parents who have lost their most precious gift , a child. No parent will ever be the same person they were before suffering this type of grief and bereavement, same for our eldest son. Each one of us lost a piece of purse when we lost Matt and we need to learn to live with what’s left of us however long that will be.
Today has been another tough day. Left alone to scream at the world before trying to get some sleep which of course doesn’t come.
Every day gets that much worse to bear this pain
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Thank you Sue. I have spoken to TCF. I have their helpline number so will rrry to call them soon. I am not far enough along the line to get added to their wait list. I think it needs to be 12 weeks.
Thank you also for sharing your post and taking the time to reply
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Thank you Maddie. Your post is heartbreaking like all the other posts on here but I am sure it will bring comfort to many too. Thank you for sharing
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I know what this feels like. I dread Sundays at 3.45 as that’s when my husband and I found Matt. We don’t have an actual time of his passing so I go with this time as the time our lives stopped.
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Bad day for me today, we ordered my daughter’s headstone, it is her first anniversary on the 10th June. I feel mentally and physically exhausted. I never, for single minute thought I would bury my child. No parent should have to go through this. I find now, if I start crying I can not stop and the images I try to avoid are horribly clear, I know it will be another night of a few hours drugged sleep followed by waking up shouting from a night terror and then not wanting to go back to sleep for fear of it starting again. Night times are the worst time for me . Just needed to pour this all out , apologies xxxLove to all xxx
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