Hi Hollie 1988, you can continue to pour out all you like, this is the place to do it, no-one will judge. We all get totally it and have been there. The build up to any anniversary is always very very difficult, I barely cope after 9 years. The first anniversary is by far the absolute worst. You don’t know where you are, what to do and are completely mixed up. There’s a weight on your chest like no other and you can barely talk or walk. Just concentrate on breathing and be kind to yourself. You are allowed to feel however you want to.
Sending hugs to you,
Chris x
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Sending you so much strength. I went to the dr today and have come home with more drugs to calm me down and stop the panic attacks. I am not sure if they will help so haven’t taken them as yet. I feel so alone and isolated. I cannot seem to join in with conversations and I am just in tears all day. Sending love to all on here
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Just on holiday at the moment. Wouldn’t you just wipe your memory clean. It’s always there whatever you do. It’s always there. Never goes away. Tried al sorsts but it never goes away. When you talk to people they say What’s your problem. But to loose a child there’s nothing to compare it to. You feel it for the rest of your life
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Hi Jim no matter what we do where we go .our babies are in our heads and hearts . Our worlds changed forever. Your sam would be saying come on dad lets have a pint dad you know jim hes all around … try have a lovely holiday .people who havent lost children dont get it…big hugs to all xx
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I completely understand and feel exactly the same. I lost my beautiful son Addy in December last year and I still dont know how I will survive this. All I can say is, its so important to take one day at a time. Look after yourself as best as you can and accept any help that is offered. Try to sleep and eat whenever possible. You are not alone. We are all here for you whenever you need us. Sending love xxx
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Jim I know exactly how you feel. It’s absolutely heartbreaking. They’re with us every second of every day . It’s Steve’s birthday on Wednesday the first one without him. I don’t know how I’m going to get through it.
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Friends tell me there is always sadness in my eyes. I reckon we all have that look.
Love to you and all friends here.
Kate xxx
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Really bad day today, seems like you hold everything together for a while but eventually have to let go. Wish I could find some peace, I’m so tired 
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Hi Gill dates are the worst dates that we cling to .i find the build up is worse than the actual day . Remember our children are with us always as michelle says they live in our heart pockets sending you a big hug xxx
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Thank you all for your support. Yesterday we went and ordered hollies headstone. Fine all time I was there, went to work today and I suddenly felt really overwhelmed, panicky and so so upset. I ended up with a full blown panic attack and broke down sobbing. I was absolutely terrified by how I was. Worse feeling ever as I’ve worked very hard to keep my deep seated grief away from work. It is the first anniversary of my sister’s death today and in 3 days time it will be Hollies, life is exceptionally hard right now. Love to all, we are on a tough journey
Jacqui
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Sending you strength for the next few days 
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My youngest son found his brother on his bedroom floor
And like you he and his dad performed CPR until the paramedics arrived. This happened 10 weeks ago. 29/03/25
We are all so broken with the loss of our boy. We still don’t know how he lost his life.
I am also getting panic attacks. It’s awful trying to function and stay strong. My 11 year old daughter has started to get anxiety attacks. She’s had 3 now so I need to take her to the GP.
I get some days where I really haven’t got the strength to carry on and want to join my son but my other 3 children need me but I’m struggling terribly
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I am so very sorry to read Kitty’s message. I can imagine how devastated you are - the loss of a child is unbearable. You are probably still in shock.
I hope, as the weeks pass, you can regain some calmness. Your other children need you. You will find some strength for them. Hold on to each other and share your grief. I hope you get some support from the wider family and friends.
All I can do is send my condolences and my wishes that your pain will ease. As a bereaved mother myself (I lost my eldest son Oliver three years ago - he was the sunshine of my life and we all miss him terribly.)
Love and peace to you - Susan J.
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Same Kitty. I am struggling to understand what has happened. Today I have been in a daze again thinking this nightmare will end. Yesterday was 9 long torturous weeks for our family. I have been looking at The compassionate friends for help and answers on how to cope with this pain of living and intense pain of grief. Nothing makes sense. So you have any indication as to why yet ? We won’t for 6 months the coroner said. I keep replaying that second when we saw him in our minds and trying to change it or think I dreamt it but it’s all too real every second of every day. Just exhausted with little sleep, panic attacks and trying to breathe each day
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The coroner said the same. 6 months to wait.
I’m trying my best to keep going but it’s so hard I just want my son back
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I saw my son that morning. He came into the front room with a cup of tea. He looked tired. I told him to go back to bed. I left about an hour later to meet my eldest son for a Mother’s Day breakfast then I took my daughter to gymnastics. My son’s dad was at home and he said he saw our son making a coffee and he went back in his bedroom. His dad went out to get some breakfast. My youngest son came home and found him on the floor. I keep saying if I hadn’t met my eldest that morning I might have heard him fall to the floor or if his dad had not gone out then he would have heard him. Over and over in my mind I’m going back to that morning. What ifs 
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You might get a cause sooner than 6 months. I was told 12 months then a week later the coroner phoned with a cause.
Try not to beat yourselves up with all the what ifs I know how difficult it is to do as I do it but you’re just going to make your self so much worse. Please take care and hugs to you x
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My sons 33rd birthday today. The pain is unbearable.
Nothing else I can say
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Hi Sue, I feel your pain. Sending hugs.
Love Chris x
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The hardest day ever. Sending all my love to your Sue. There are no words
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