When we lost my daughter we had to go and identify her. All the way there, I was hoping and praying that it was not my daughter lying there. But as we got to the mortuary place the coroner came out to meet us and said ‘gosh you look so like Gemma’ and my world came crashing down because I knew it was my girl in there.
I was so shocked that he would say that to me at such a time 
xx
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It wouldn’t be the coroner. We don’t get involved with body identification or anything like that. It was probably a mortuary technician. But I agree not a very sensitive thing to say at all.
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Hi JoeysMom
Your so brave, and you have put it down in words exactly how i feel, and how it is! It really annoys me that after time, people and some family members dont talk about them anymore 
. Its like to them “Move on” but we can’t they were our babies our children, everything we lived for. Gone. 
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Thank you William. So many families with similar stories. How sad for our children that they didn’t get to live the life their deserved and were born to live and so painful for all those left behind trying to make sense of every waking hour and sense of how a child can be gone with no explanation. We are 10 weeks now and everyday just breathing is using all my energy. Feel like I have been clubbed over the head everyday my eyes are so heavy and I have little or no energy as I am not sleeping. 
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It was the man who met us when we went to identify her and thought it was the coroner but maybe not as you say x
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I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious Son Matt , you feel as if you want to just curl up and die, we know because we have all felt this way and sometimes not so often you do question carrying on but those thoughts pass more quickly now, you will never be the person you were before but you have to learn to live a different life now the other one has gone, there will be better days and joy, we are lucky if we have other family to take care of as this keeps us going simply because they would be lost without you, be kind to yourself, if you want to scream then do so, if you want to lie in bed and not get dressed do so, do whatever you need to get through each day, we are all here for you, sending you hugs love and strength 
xxxx
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Thank you Michelle you have described how I feel. The urge to scream is immense but I know if I do I won’t stop so quietly sit and cry once my husband is in bed or out of the house. We changed the day Matt passed and I feel like a huge piece of me has been ripped out of me and is with Matthew and that hole in me being will always be there until the day I die. I just need to work out how to handle the physical and emotional pain until then. Thank you to everyone on here. Sadly we are the only ones who can comfort each other and everyone else has no idea what the loss of a child no matter what age that child is does to a family
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Dear friends, old and new. We are joined at the hip through losing pur children.
Our lives before and our lives after can never be the same. We just adapt to a new way of living. Its not what any of us expected but somehow we have survived .
Sending strength and love to you all.
Kate xxx
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Dear Victoria,
I can’t believe that he said that to you , when the MOD knocked our door the the woman almost bypassed me as Steve was down as next of kin, i screamed at her “im his Mom” , i know its a difficult job for them but i never wanted to her again, we had to have the worst news of our lives and the words and how those people spoke to us will always haunt us, sending you much love always my friend xxxxx
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So true Michelle and I’m sorry you had such a terrible experience.
What the man said is one thing I always remember about the hours after we lost Gemma and I wish he hadn’t said it.
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Hi everyone, So much sadness in all your posts. I find it heartbreaking when I read about your beautiful children and how terribly you miss them and how your lives have been changed forever.
Sometimes for me there is a glimmer of sunshine amidst the grief, the pain. When I think about all the wonderful times we had as a family, and how proud I was of my boy. I have so very many memories. As you all do.
But then at other times I’m overcome by the awfulness of it all. I have such guilt that I couldn’t keep him safe. A vice seems to grip me around my heart and I can barely breathe. It happens at any time: while I’m watching a movie, when I’m at a conference, when I’m driving down the road and see places he used to go to. I’m reminded of a heartbreaking poem by the late American poet Donald Hall, a poem entitled Distressed Haiku:
« You think that their
dying is the worst
thing that could happen.
Then they stay dead. »
Ten days before Joey’s death, when his pain was so horrendous - the cancer was by then everywhere in his lungs, spine and brain - that he was on extremely high doses of fentanyl, I remember speaking to one of the palliative nurses. I told her that worse than the idea of losing my son was having to watch him suffer so. I still feel that way. No matter how great the grief I knew for sure would come after his death and always be there, I just couldn’t bear to see him in such pain.
I wish you all the strength you all need. And please please do be assured, those of you that have only recently lost your son or daughter, that there will be better days when the rawness has worn off somewhat. Your lives will never be what they were, but you WILL have some sunshine again!
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Thank you for posting these wonderful words.
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It will be a year since my son took the decision to end his life in August. I’m so desperate to see him and hear his voice. I have days where I cope a bit better then come the days where it feels like it’s just happened again. I know it will be this way forever now. I still feel like it can’t really be true. I keep telling myself that this is just the new way of living for me. Suicide is awful, so quick with no goodbyes. A sudden ending causing so much shock, despair, disbelief, heartache and trauma that never leaves. I will never come to terms with it. I’m back at work three days a week and act completely normal when I’m there even though I don’t feel it. I hide the tears that well up in my eyes and dash to the toilet. I can’t stand listening to petty conversations about members of staff and want to scream ‘you don’t know what they might be going through.’ when people ask how I am I’d like to say "how do you think? " but I don’t . I’m just angry that I’ve lost my boy and nobody understands that everything about my life has changed massively and not for good. I just love and miss him so much x
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I’m so so sorry for all the pain you’re going through. Yes, the small talk. I can so identify with that. All the little problems people have that seem inconsequential, so unimportant when you’ve lost a child. I hope coming here with this group helps you a bit. We all understand. Suicide, drugs, murder, car crashes & other accidents, cancer and heart attacks, war - however we lose a child matters little in the end. It goes against nature, doesn’t it? I have found it personally incredibly cathartic to have set up a foundation for testicular cancer, which took my son. He actually started the Having a Ball movement when he was first diagnosed. I know we are doing good in his name. We have in fact potentially already saved some lives as a few men were diagnosed with TC at one of our free screenings. My son would have been so proud. Is there anything you can get involved in, Ali, for suicide prevention, in your son’s name? That might give you a sense of purpose and help you deal with your loss just a tiny bit better.
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This resonated with me, the pain of watching Hollie in pain was both mentally and physically a torture. This was my diary entry
10th June
My poor love, hanging onto life when I just want her to rest now, she’s comfortable and not in pain altho we had a 15 minute period of distressed noises and screwed up face, extra meds given, this is so so cruel, I can’t imagine life without her or how I’m going to cope with not seeing her, when people say heart broken it means little but right now my heart hurts, my physical need for her to respond is so high and yet I want her to slip away
Hollie died at 5.55pm that evening. For me , I lost a huge part of my life, my reason for being , the cruelest of loss is the loss of our children.
All I want, is peace
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Forgive me I’ve had a drink. Been on holiday it doesn’t go away. All these people that are new. Wow wouldn’t be in there shoes. It seems that regardless of time the pain is still the same what I would give to meet my boy again. Wow I’d give anything for just one more hug. I’d give the world for that. But unfortunately we can’t do that. The guilt is Walt kills you. I
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Sorry everybody not like me to be drunk
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Hi jim10
Dont apologise, or feel guilty sometimes you need a drink, im with you id do or sacrifice anything to see my daughter and hug her one more time, no amount of money can change anything, i have made a beautiful garden in memory of her, it keeps me going xx take care xx
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Don’t apologise pls we all deserve a drink after the trauma of loosing our children
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11 months today since i lost my wonderful, quirky, bear hugging James. 11 months since an heart-breaking explosion shattered my world and robbed me of new memories, robbed you of a wonderful future that you deserved. 11 months missing you. I wasn’t ready to stop loving you x
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