Hollie really did love getting flowers , I enjoy making arrangements for her every week, we are planning to take these tommorow
Take good care, as you say, it doesn’t get better, we just learn to mask the grief xx
Take good care, as you say, it doesn’t get better, we just learn to mask the grief xx
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Dear friends. I have been quiet recently pn this site but have been reading all your posts and posting hearts.
I have just had a lovely few days in Italy with Jemma abd Brooke. It was amazing but at times my heart was heavy thinking how Lisa would have lovec it too. It was her 37th Birthday last Thursday and 6 years on the 25th since she left us.
Life will never be the same but i am enjoying life as it is now and hope this gives some of you more recent bereaved mums and dads some hope for the future. We can’t change what has happened, but we can learn to live along side our grief.
Love to all.
Kate xx
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Its 19 weeks exactly since i lost Steve, people tell me it gets better with time. I dont think so, if anything its getting worse. Crying at some point during every day. The pain i feel is horrendous. The only time i get any relief is when i sleep and that is very often. Why could it not have been me not him? xx
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And 14 weeks for me today when my world imploded and my husband and I found our wonderful, witty, sensitive and caring son in bed having passed away suddenly in his sleep. No warning. Just living his life and now so cruelly taken. Words are never enough for anyone who is going through this. Love to all. It will be never get better and I do not know how to live with this pain 
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We all feel that way sadly. Why them and not us. Its not the order its meant to be.
I really dont remember when i began crying less. Feelling a bit better. It is just a process that is different for all of us.
I hope you start to feel less broken soon. Its still early days my love.xx
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I’m so terribly sorry to read this.🩵. My heart goes out to you. I lost my 39 year old son nearly 5 years ago. How I get through my life without him is fay by day. Not a day goes by I don’t think of him. His picture with me. ( The last one of us together )Sits Infront of me every day. It took me along time to fetch it out. I could not look at it without bursting in tears. You will learn to live with it but there is no time frame. It’s very early days for you. And such tragic circumstances. I wish you well. Try to stay strong. If the tears come let them out. When ever… I still cry but not as often as I did. It never goes away.🩵🦋
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Hi. It’s about a year for me, my wife and my surviving son. Everybody is different but, to give you hope, it does get easier. A friend of mine who lost his brother a few years ago confirmed this. In fact he said that one day you will realise that you haven’t thought about (whoever) for a day and how unusual that was.
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I don’t know about that.it will be two years tomorrow that my son died of cancer, I still talk to his photo every day.
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Not a chance I will get over losing my 39 year old son to bowel cancer. It was the worst day of my life and still is. Not a day goes by that he’s not in my head. It will never get easier for me. My life is not the same without him.
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Hi all life is never the same again when we loose our children at whatever age .the fear the trauma that hits you and sends you out of control is something no parent should have to feel .the fear when you wake up is it a dream .the pain yes its real , the waiting for them to walk in the room you think you will never get past that stage, but in time it becomes a little less stressful when you wake with the fear factor…my sam passed away four years ago age 24, he survived 4 months. we found he had sarcoma a very rare cancer, he never moaned never cried never said why me mum .he was our brave superhero so so proud of him.such a young wasted life…we know life is precious without this site and the beautiful people on here i dont know how i got through but each and everyone of you helped me through the darket days and nights .im eternally grateful…,., life changes forever and slowly you learn to live with it a bit better the grief running along side you , sam still in my everythought in everything i do ,his voice his laughter getting me through,… i thank sam from the bottem of my heart for being him ,we all carry him everyday .he comes into our everyday conversation .i have a daughter jess and have to get her through too. My beautiful grandchildren talk about sam my grandaughters seven .she talks about him , nanny i drawed this pic for sam, nanny dont cry sam dont want you to be sad. Sam was in the playground today , we might be at the woods sams with us i have to believe my boy is beside us in all we do , because life would be so much harder if he wasnt ln my everyday i chat to him i spray his aftershave i still buy monster munch coz sam likes them… your head and heart cant keep you at that horrible point forever it will get a little better i promise… i know i always say it but thank you all for always being there …ive not been on much as you know my health well i wont go on but full abdominal hysterectomy, breast cancer returned at xmas and last wedneday had thyroid removed because large lump …but im getting there and i still now have it in me to be thankful for being here. outliving our children is the wrong way round and theres no answers but i know sam would be saying come on mum youve got this , never be sad when the day comes you might smile about some memory you are allowed… we want to make our children proud even though some of them now live in our heart pocket sending all my love big hugs love zoe❤️
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Hi kate i know this time of year is hard for you sending you all my love❤️
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Thankyou Zoe. Doing ok just now as with the school holidays looking after Brooke keeps my mind occupied. My husband is straggling though, i can see it. I took Brooke and her friend to a big park yesterday in Inverness. I took a photo of them and it is incredible how they look almost exactly like Lisa and her best friend Emily, same park 28 years apart. I sent it to Emily and she said ‘wow! It looks just like us, makes me happy but sad too. Best friend i ever had’.
Time passes but they are always with us.
Love to you dear Zoe.
Kate xx
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Hi Zoe, I’m so sorry for what you are going through with your health. It must be so difficult to deal with and it will remind you of what Sam endured. Our children who suffered as they did without compaining are our super heroes, This must spur you on to continue with Sam’s attitude and courage. I will always say my daughter had the courage of a lion and she fought like one to stay here.
We keep on putting one foot in front of the other and we may look to others, like we are carrying it well but it does mean to say it isn’t heavy.
Sending you love
Chris
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Hi chris our bags are heavy but we hide it well . An underlying layer that no one sees life can be wonderful but also so wicked .its hard walking in our shoes. Sending love and hugs:heart:
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Dear Zoe,
I am so sorry to hear how poorly you have been, i truly feel that when you suffer the loss of a precious child it affects your physical health, there is such a thing as a broken heart , your precious Sam was willing you on to recovery and saying its not your time Mom as he knows his sister needs you so much, i definitely believe our children are with us everyday and like you we include Matt in all family occasions celebrate their birthdays talk to them smile at their photos and carry them in our heart pockets , the words you have shared on hear will certainly be of comfort to the parents who have recently joined us on this horrendous journey we share, sending healing hugs to you Zoe and much love to all xxxxx
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Dear Kate,
You are very much in my thoughts and prayers as you approach the anniversary of Lisa’s passing , i will be thinking if you my friend much love always
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Thankyou dear Michelle. I cant believe its 6 years for both of us. Time passes so quickly. Brooke has grown so much and is so like Lisa at the same age. Tskes my breath away at times.
Love to you too.
Kate xxx
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So sorry that you are having such a hard time healthwise. Hope you are getting all the love and support you need.
Sending love to you dear Zoe.
Kate xxx
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Dear all, It is lovely to see that we are still posting here and supporting each other. This site has always been such a lifeline to me. Everyone here is so wonderful … it is a magical place.
Zoe, I am sorry you are going through a bad time with your health and hope you have lots of support.
Kate, I’m glad you had a happy holiday with Brooke. We are taking Charlie to the New Forest next week and he reminds me so much of his mummy. He is the loveliest boy and I know that Gemma would be beyond proud of him.
Like most of you, Gemma is in my thoughts every day but there is a sense of peace for me now and I can have happy days x
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Hi all!
Sunday morning and feeling fragile and mopey and in need of support, and what better place to find it than on this forum, where everyone is a grieving parent.
It’s not quite three years since I lost my darling son Joey. I found this group the week after everyone left after the funeral and I was literally drowning in such deep sorrow and despair I thought I would die. At the time I did have lots of friends around me, but many have disappeared. My neighbours have never been there. All of that seems to be par for the course, as many others here have experienced exactly the same. This group - and others on Sue Ryder and the Compassionate Friends have been a lifeline for me!
Those early days and weeks you were there for me. You shared the stories of your own losses and didn’t tell me I would get over my sorrow, as so many well meaning people did. Instead, you told me my grief would always be there but that I would learn to live with it over time. My life would never be the same and it would take all my strength to get to the point where I could go on.
During the first 3-4 months I didn’t leave my bed. I came down with bronchitis and double pneumonia. Grief lowers your immune system, and looking after my son and sitting by his bedside for so long during the last months of his cancer journey had meant I had to keep it all in. After he died I let go.
That fall was beautiful here in Switzerland but I kept the shutters drawn every day. Seeing the alps across the shimmering lake outside my window was an affront! An insult! How could such beauty exist if my darling son weren’t there to see it? A friend - probably well-meaning - came by one day and basically forced me to get dressed and come out with her for a walk in the snow. I wasn’t ready! When I came home - and she no doubt felt satisfied she’d done a good thing - I cried for hours.
I talked about it here that night in this community and everyone understood completely! No details were even necessary!
I also felt horrendous, crippling guilt after Joey died. He’d had cancer already long before he was diagnosed. He hadn’t gone to a doctor. If he had, he might still be here now, I blamed myself! I’m his mom! I should have done more! I’d been sleeping on the job, so to speak. Friends, my husband, my elder son, all said I had nothing to feel guilty about! That did NOT help! But here - you lot all understood as you’ve all had those exact same feelings. You KNOW! No one else who’s not lost a child knows anything about it! Losing a parent or spouse certainly teaches you about grief, but not the totally heart wrenching, debilitating, terrible terrible grief of losing your child.
So thank you, all of you! 
Those of you who had lost a child well before I did told me that I could indeed expect life to go on, even with sunlight in it. At the time I didn’t believe that, of course, but hearing it from other moms was comforting. It brought me a glimmer of hope.
My life has resumed. It’s no longer on the same course. It has changed forever. I think of my son from the moment I wake till I fall asleep at night. He’s with me in my heart always, always. But I’m doing OK. The non-profit association we founded in his honor and memory in June 2023 - Having a Ball, the Joseph Barnes Association for Testicular Cancer Awareness - the only one in Switzerland - is doing exceedingly well. We are growing every day, and it’s all due to the brave podcasts my son started upon diagnosis. Our mission is to encourage young men to self examine on a monthly basis and seek medical attention if there is any doubt - in much the same way as women have been told to do with their breasts for decades. I’ve found my calling, I suppose. I’m the president and it takes up 70% of my time. It’s extremely cathartic. We have a multi-language website, excellent flyers in four languages, which we distribute to high schools, universities, gyms, music and movie festivals - anywhere frequented by young men - an amazing presence on social media, we give in-company presentations - in September we’ve been invited by Nestlé & Cartier, to mention only two; we provide free, no-appointment-necessary urological screenings in November in central locations in heated tents, Men’s Health Month, in 6 cities this year. Our aim is to be present throughout the country. I know my Joey would be so so proud.
I’m sharing this - and thank you so much for listening to my lengthy rambling - to try and give some hope to others on this same journey as me. All of you on this website are.
Nothing will bring my boy back. The sadness will always be there. But I’ve re-invented myself. As a retired high school English teacher I’ve been to all four corners of this earth, but travelling is no longer a priority. I put as much as I can into Having a Ball.
Whether you put your energy into your grandchildren (I have none), work for a charity organisation or anything else that lets you find some peace, do it! It won’t take your grief away but it will let you go on. That’s all we can do. My son would be so pleased to see me do this, and your children would be too, to see you face life again.
Thank you for listening. I wish you much, much strength!
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