Absolutely no need to apologise at all and you’ve certainly not let anyone down. With all that we’re going through each day, I think you deserve a boozy weekend!
The pain is relentless and some days are better than others, it can be so unpredictable and knock you for six so you deal with it how you want and what works for you, certainly no judgement from us guys xx
I have been struggling too these past few days then this afternoon my grandson came over (Gemma’s son). He was showing me photos of his new flat and he has a Christmas tree. I gave him an old biscuit tin filled with his mum’s Christmas decorations which I had saved and he took it home with him, holding it so gently. I hate this time of year.
It’s not fair on any of us but we keep on going.
He will cherish those Christmas decorations. I hope he sends you a picture with them on the tree.
It doesn’t matter how long ago it was , this time of year just stirs it all back up again like the first year . All those Christmas songs feel like a dagger in my heart each time I hear them .
Xx
Thank you JSS. It is hard and you have described it so well. I hope you are okay xx
I know my darling. Me too. I moss our beautiful child so much. I took Brooje to her School Christmas fair yesterday.
We were looking at a stall with stones and crystals which Brooke is now collecting. The lady said she could choose a free one and Mummy too! I was a bit taken aback but Brooke weathered the storm and just looked up at me. I said ‘ its Granny actually ‘ so it wad ok. I know people tell me I look much younger than I am but situations like this are very close to my heart.
Brooke was fine and tottered off with her best friend to look at some other thing. It amazes me how resilient the young ones are.xxx
Hi jim
I know how you feel, I really do, my daughter gone now 3 years, (5th Nov 22) will be funeral date 6th Dec, its so tough, I think its worse than life imprisonment, I had a dream only last night I have many this time of year, she was there, saying “mum im ok now” i hugged her crying 
thinking it was all a dream/ nightmare only realising on waking up, she’s still gone.
A robin was singing, it was sunny i knew i had to carry on, its still hard to believe what’s happened, but I have to keep her spirit alive, she was worth that , and I will, till the day I die.
Hi all, thinking of everyone who is on this dreaded journey. Was my birthday yesterday the night before I was so heartbroken couldn’t stop crying our babies should be with us.we find ourselves on here trying to find our way on this raw bed of emotion .don’t matter the time scale .sometimes like you say Jim you just can’t fight the sadness.you don’t reliaze how you talk for all of us . We in this very sad club help each other .I don’t know if I would of been here without you all .always helping each other .Lisa. victoria. All my friends got me through some very dark nights…… .jim.michelle.maddie and my dear jess we came on at similar times .I think you just learn to wear the mask well .and yes thank god for the grandchildren .I know this is a very sad time of year for us all ….but I need to smile for my sam and pray he knows how much I love him my hand in his always. I bless you all my lovely friends thinking of you all much love 
Bless you, Happy birthday 
don’t be sad, I know its like we’re moving on, but, we have to shine a torch 
for our ones, that have gone to i call the wonderful rainbow 
where they are safe, and looking down on us, and I really believe they are, every time I go to my sisters, a Robin comes to the window, yes really! She says only comes when I visit, once a week, the church we had my daughter’s funeral is near her house. Xx it gives me so much comfort x
Bless you too. Will be thinking of all friends here at this time of year.
Yes Birthdays are hard. Lisa and Jemma always took me out, either individually or together if Jemma was up home.
Happy memories.
Love to all.
Kate xx
It must be a week for it. I lost my son James last year. He was 31 and died suddenly and unexpectedly from Sudep. I’m so sad without him and so angry . 31 years, i wasn’t finished loving him. My life has just let me down xx
Hi Laura,
Bless you, im so sorry 
for the loss of your son, its an awful shock, yer I get angry, sad, emotional, I wont ever be a grandma. You kind of feel you’ve been cheated, I know it doesn’t seem like it but it will get better, the pain doesn’t go, you just learn to manage it better, Grief has many stages, your son will be with my daughter looking down on us. Xx
Thank you so much for reaching out. Thinking of my heart threw the loss of your beautiful daughter. Emotions have ambushed me this weekend. My heart hurts. xx
Our younger daughter Lisa also passed away 2 weeks after her 31st birthday in ICU. Its such a shock but 6 years on you learn to live with your grief.
Sending love and strength.
Kate xx
Thank you such a warm reply. Im a palliative care nurse and failed James when he needed me. Struggling without him. x
Hi Laura,
Don’t beat yourself up, I get where your coming from, I was a support worker/ Carer for 14 years, my daughter had mental health, and I feel the same, you do an amazing job, it takes a special person to do palliative care, we can’t change the past, think of the good times with your son xx
Out of the blue i am sitting here with tears running down my cheeks at the prospect of the 7th Christmas without our beautiful Lisa. Its seems so long but like yesterday as well.
We all miss our children so much. The emptiness inside us never heals up. We love our Jemma so much and our beautiful Granddaughter and son in law but no matter how much we love them the pain of loss is always there .I know you all understand.
Much love to all dear friends.
Kate xx
Sending you so much love. And I truly understand your feelings. Today I was writing my Christmas cards out, and looked at my sons picture. I just burst out crying. He was 39 when he died. Cancer got him He was only diagnosed 3 weeks before he passed. I miss him so much Every year since he died I always buy him a memory Christmas item. The 5th one this year. No mother should have to bury there children. I’m always saying why him. 
Thankyou for reaching out. We can always depend on each other for support that nobody else can comprehend.
Love Kate xx
I have also been tearful today too. This time of year is hard for us as it brings back so many memories. Sending you all a big hug xx
It’s too much today, I’m so tired of faking it, I’m so tired of being present. I just feel empty. Devoid of everything. I hate that we are all missing our children with so much pain. It’s just too much