Hi Maddie49, I hope your medium can help. I was recommended a lady who has proved to be very helpful telling me many things no-one else could know. It’s been a great comfort. She has let us know what my daughter would like us to do as regards her little girl. I really admire what she does for people. She has told me that my daughter visits my house at night and she will show herself so I will let you know if this occurs.
Hello bir89c, thankyou so much for much for letting me know about your exsperiance with the medium. The last one I paid quite a lot of money for a one to one ,and I think a lot was guess work I’m not asking much just something just to let me know she is still around. best wishes Maddie 49
Dear Helen and others, I had my first counselling session this week. It was very difficult as it meant returning to those darkest of days when Daniel was so ill and the memories all came flooding back. I found it hard to recount but the counsellor was gentle and gave me space and time amongst all the tears to go at my own pace. Afterwards I felt exhausted but it also gave me a chance to unpack some of the issues. The counsellor gave me the permission I needed to really go a bit deeper so we have made another appointment for next week. Talking to someone who did not know Daniel and was professional seemed to also help as I often feel that even my closest friends do not understand how raw everything is no matter how kind they are and how much they want to help. This Daniel sized hole in our lives will never go away but maybe we can live along side it to find some relief from the agonies of him not being with us. Sending love and strength. Wynne
Hello Wynne,
From your comments about the counselling, I think it might help me so I am going to see what the Doctor says and also what is available.
love Helen
Dear Wynne And others
Reading your posts has made me realize I need to get some councelling, so have made an appointment with my Doctors next week.
I started bereavement counselling 3 weeks ago tomorrow. Start therapy 18 may. First counselling session all I did was cry afterwards. Can’t say it’s helping but can’t say it isn’t either. Think we all have to do what we need to do get through this. Xx
Hello Everyone,
Today I had a call from Jason (Sam’s best and closest friend for the last 21 years), he rang me 'cause he said he hadn’t spoken to me for a couple of weeks and wondered how I was coping. He also said that he can’t seem to cope at times, losing Sam was like losing his right arm. He talks to him all the time in his house. I never realised what an impact Sam had had on people. Having said that wherever you saw Sam you would see Jason and vice versa. We talked at length about Sam and how much Jason missed him and he said I will never have another buddy as close to me as Sam. Grief has a terrible impact on people not just the family but close friends as well. Hope you are all coping probably like me one foot in front of the other.
Love Helen
Helen
Nice to know though he is thought of, my fear is people forgetting my son (irrational fear). His friends are all going to a reunion and all I could think was my son should be going. My sisters son became daddy yesterday for 1st time and even though I’m happy for them it was tinged with sadness that I’ll never have that with Antony. They’re making more family memories and for antony mine have stopped.
I’ve been so heartbroken all week and little things that normally I’d been over the moon about that just remind me…
Julie xx
Hello Julie,
I know exactly what you mean about the memories stopping, my other son has identical twin daughters on the way and although it is my eldest son, again a tinge of sadness that Sam won’t be here to see them and they will never know their uncle…and he himself will never have a family of his own, we just have to try and keep what memories we do have close as they are so so precious.
love Helen
Feel so low, I know Antonys not here but I just want him back like we all do. Dont know when grief becomes complicated other ptsd… so many emotions and not knowing where I’m at. Is it normal grief complicated.?. So many mixed up feelings.
I do wish none of us knew this pain xx
Julie
Hi Julie, sam’s mum and all.
I know, it’s so hard. All I do is eat, I’ve put on three Stone in the last four months. I’m trying to get to see a councillor. I upset my friend tonight, she was moaning about her son, and I burst into tears and said, at least you still have him.
She was mortified and apologized for not thinking.
This grief effects all aspects of our lives, there’s no relief from it.
I’m glad I found this website. It is good to talk to people who understand what we re going through.
Just get things off our chest.
We all need to take care of ourselves and stay strong
Love to you all
Polly
Hello Julie and Polyanna
The pain we all share, the longing to have them back is something we all do, I keep wishing for Sam to come back but not if he came back deaf blind mute and unable to move. The doctor told me when he came to confirm that Sam had died, that the tumour had grown over the part of the brain that controls the heart, so his heart just stopped. Had it grown the other way he would have become deaf, blind, mute and unable to move and he would have lingered like that but we don’t know for how long. As it was he was still talking walking and making sense, he was a little unsteady on his feet now and again but still the Sam we knew. I have to be grateful for small mercies, yes I still ache for him, still love him still feel it was unfair that he even had a tumour. I hate cancer, yet there will be 10,000 more people diagnosed this year with a brain tumour, and over half will die within a 5 year period, even if it’s benign and it grows in the wrong place there is nothing they can do. I am running the 5K in Bath in June to raise money for Cancer Research, it’s a small token but I have to try and do something. Sam would not want me to be negative, because he would expect me to pull what positives I can from it, just like he did, he had his operation in 2012 which left him partially paralysed yet he walked up Mount Snowden for Macmillan, and the man on the train that brings you back down said he should have bought his ticket at the bottom if he wanted to get on the train…so he said b*****ks and walked back down…he also went back to carpentry and passed all his exams for that with distinction, and even carried on snowboarding and also got his licence back. So I know he would be horrified if I gave up which I could so easily do, like now!!
love Helen
Helen totally understand what you’re saying, Antony died car crash. Your son sounds an extraordinary young man. I can’t seem able to do this ‘new life’ I don’t know how to live without him here, I know he’d say mum do it you still got Tracey. Sometimes wonder if it’s complicated grief I just don’t know anymore xx
Hi Julie and everyone,
It doesn’t matter how much time goes by, the shock and horror still hits us. I have accepted that the pain is never going to go away but I still have to continue for my family although I struggle with it. It’s two trains of thought constantly. Most times I just “go with the flow” and let things happen, they are going to anyway. I can’t make plans, still mostly one day at a time. I am trying to focus on my daughters achievements and good memories rather than the when she wasn’t well.
xxx
Dear all, It is heartbreaking to read the sad comments from us all who have suffered the lost of our precious sons or daughters. As so many of you have said we are are trying to carry on for the other members of our family who are also missing them. It is now 12 weeks but the pain remains as intense as ever. That first moment when you wake when there is a second of peace then you realise the reality of another day without your boy. Wanting to share a funny moment with them or make a new memory has now gone and it is so very hard. I know some of you have mentioned seeing a medium and I wonder if this is a route I should explore. I am very nervous about it and would welcome your thoughts. Sending love and strength. Wynne
Dear Wynne, the trouble is, how to find a genuine one. Unfortunately there are many out there who take advantage of grieving people.
However, there are genuine ones out there.
I went to a meeting once, and although I didn’t get a message in the main meeting, , during the questions and answers I got such an accurate message, that my parents didn’t get on. No fake medium would have said that.
So it’s just a question of who to chose
If you can get a recommendation it may be better.
I am considering the same, if I can find one I think is genuine
I hope you all find one that brings you comfort.
Polly
I went to see one, he told me something no one knew was private joke between my son and daughter. He started with how I wasn’t putting a tree up at christmas (this was on march) no one knew only me. He was recommended and he asked if I had been to medium before I said no asked of I believed and said wasn’t sure what I believed.
He also said my daughter (31) had boyfriend I said she didn’t he said my son was laughing saying yes she does , she had only started seeing him bout 7 weeks ago .
Dear Wynne and others,I did go and see another medium yesterday it was in the local spiritualist churc,so went along with my husband and siser in law as was told that they were supposed to be very good.there were three different ones there ,my husband came in with me and my sister in law went into another.But we all came away disappointed they didn’t evan come close,felt gutted. Did not recognise any spirits he was describing .So this is the second one the first came to my house and he was slightly better ,so now people tell me its too early to contact them ,do you think so ? Anyway I think I will try again in a few months, I will just have toput up with the feathers my lovely Dawn I think is sending me and going to the grave .I am hoping her husband will give me a few more of her ashes as he has not scatted whats left of them so I can put them in the garden and sit along side of her. take care everyone Maddie 49
1 Like
Another beautiful day has dawned and it will be a difficult one as Daniel will not be here to share his sister’s birthday. He always rembered our birthdays and made a special effort. The milestones of birthdays, anniversaries and special memories are so difficult and as each one passes the arrows of pain remain as intense as ever. Trying to not cry every day is exhausting and going over the past and imagining a different future remains so painful. I want so much to hear his voice, smell and hug him. His photo with his beautiful smile remains close to the bedside but it is just not enough. So very sad for us all. Wynne
Wynne
They say birthday anniversaries are exceptionally hard, sending warm hugs, hope you get through the day as gentle as possible
. Trying to not cry every day is exhausting and going over the past and imagining a different future remains so painful. I want so much to hear his voice, smell and hug him. His photo with his beautiful smile remains close to the bedside but it is just not enough.
You could have wrote those words for me.
1 Like