That frightens me too but what is helping me just now is that Lisa had reached the pinnacle of her career, had become a mother and been the best ever at that, she was in love and loved by a wonderful young man, she loved us all so much too. She had also reached that time in her life when she was the most beautiful she could be.
She will never get old or have wrinkles or grey hair, aching joints or age spots on her beautiful skin.
Her life was short but she lived it well.
Kate xx
Kate she sounds like she was so loved and a lovely lady. Itās a shame the people with beautiful living would have to leave us too soon. My daughter had got through so many surgeries that even Dr and surgeons thought she wouldnt she proved them wrong every time. I just didnāt understand her lungs were failing that mush. I feel she was snatched away from me that day. I have her little care dog who was always by her side. Which is a comfort though I told Aimee when I went to see her in the chapel you can have her when you want. Now a year passed he r little dog has mammary cancer so Iām in the middle of nursing her after first op. Then have to have the other side operated on. Itās all been too much at times. Aimee worked hard training dogs and went to crufts a few times with a dog she trained. Iām always going to be proud of all she did in her life.hope you have a nice weekend x
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Dear Helen and all dear friends,
That is what I love about this site and you articulate it so well.
There are times when panic grips me and I have to try so hard to calm myself. Even last week I found myself driving around in the car not knowing where to go or what to do. But this is a place where I can admit that and you all understand the madness of what we are going through. That means the world to me and offers me safety and understanding, even though you are all going through the same heartbreak. Thank you.
I hope we all can find some peace and even the glimmer of acceptance this weekend.
Much love to you all xxx
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Hello All,
I have read all your posts, and I can identify with all that is said, the panic, the fear, not knowing what we are doing the fact that our beloved children are not here physically anymore. Yet I know (I cannot explain how I know) that Sam is right beside me at all times even last night. I have been trying turmeric for my hip only for the last 3 days but it has caused dizziness and nausea so bad I said out loud to Sam will you come and get me please tonight. The reply was crystal clearā¦No chance mum, you have to carry on Geraint needs you, so again I have no choice but to bury my feelings!!
with love
Helen
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Hello All. I thought I was having a good few days but this morning a letter came addressed āto whom it may concernā. I opened it and it was from the student loan company in Glasgow and in bold type it said āLisa Jayne Derbyshire deceasedā.
I felt this overwhelming panic and the tears flowed. Itās silly as I know she is gone but it just hit me like a punch in the stomach.
I was so upset all morning and cried when we were doing cottage changeover and in my car driving to town to meet Jemma our elder daughter who was looking after Brooke today. I was good when I was with them but wept again on the way home. It strange how things just get to us out of the blue.
Love to you all.
Kate xx
Hello Kate,
I have had things like that occur, mine was from Thorntons Travel, who Sam had used the year before when off with Mathilda his wife, and like you it hit me so hard, it didnāt even say deceased they obviously didnāt know but it does still hurt because you then go into the whyās and if only syndrome. I hope you have a better day tomorrow, remember Lisa loves you and death will not break that bond nothing will, just because she is not here pyhsically does not mean she is not hereā¦she is and nothing will ever shake that belief I have had too many signs from Sam. Look closer you will see them
with love to you
Helen
Thankyou. I think she is always here too.
I will shove the that letter through the solicitors letterbox and get it out of our house!
Feeling much better. A close friend has invited us all for an informal meal tonight.
A few wines and I will be laughing with the rest of them.
Love to you dear girl.
Kate xx
Dear Helen,
I love your phrase ālook harder and you will see (signs). I would love to have signs from Gemma.
xxx
Hi it crazy we allnjave the same things happening to us all I understand about the letters you think you have informed everyone then a letter comes or a phone call and it makes you just sink. Iāve been crying on and off today just thinking this is it life without her with me each day. Itās hard because i fought along side her every time she had a operation we just become this duo even her doctors would say it. They had written lovely letters and emails saying how wonderful she was and how much they will miss her in their clinic. My chest has hurt all day much like everyday I have a heavy chest feeling. I wish I could wave a wand and change all this for all of us . Losing our children is the worst thing that can ever happen x
It is the worst thing that any of us could contemplate happening to us.
I have just come home from an informal meal with very close friends of 28 years in our village. They are so loving and so concerned for us but they admit themselves that they have no idea how bad this feels! Itās the hardest thing any of us have had to face. Itās not what we planned for our lovely children. Itās not in the right order and thatās the thing which really gets to me because our kids should be burying us ffs. Not the other way round.
I have had a terrible day but the night out has helped. Who knows what tomorrow will be like.
Love to you all. We are the only ones who know. Xxxxxx
That was nice you got out for awhile kate. I go to my sisters and mum and it helps while Iām there but as soon as I get in my car that feeling starts where I would normally be calling AimĆ©e to say I was on my way home and then she would call to my partner and tell him too. I normally cry most of the way home. Sometime when Iāve been at a family gathering I feel in there but not like Iām looking in on them going about there day. Well I hope you get some rest and sleep well Iām always here I donāt go to sleep until early hours anyway. X
Hi. It was a nice evening but I nearly bit someoneās head off as she was telling me that she went on holiday when it was her 60th birthday as she didnt want to celebrate it and she said she cant actually say the word 60 out loud, she kind of muffled it! I thought, dear God woman, my child has just died at 31! Get a grip you are so lucky to be 60!!
Anyway, I moved away before I ruined the night but otherwise it was a pleasant evening with people who were close to Lisa too.
Hoping for a positive day today. Lots of laundry to get through and a guest coming tonight.
I hope you did get some sleep my love. I think it helps us to face things.
Much love. Kate xx
Hi Kate. Yes Iāve had sometimes like that you just have to walk away. Though one time in Tesco someone said to me at least you donāt have to do all those hospital trips into London. I saw RED I had to say to her stop there it wasnāt a chore taking her to her many hospital appointments I did it because that was out life. Think you best get on with your day and I walked away. Some people say things and donāt realise like well she was a sick girl and she is out of pain. I know that but Iām still without her . Try and have a nice time today I know its hard even when around others your mind wonders off to think of your daughter . Here for chats anytime x
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Hello Kate & Chel,
Sometimes people say things and they have no idea of the impact of those words. I went to Asda once and someone I knew, walked the other way because she couldnāt face me. Since then she has tried to speak with me but I canāt so I turn from her now. Your patience now is limited, I know mine is I cannot stand moaners, they say things like that woman who didnāt want to celebrate her 60thā¦please, I think you did really well Kate just to walk away. All my closest friends know I love to talk about Sam and they often bring him up in conversation, so with my closest friends I am lucky. I am glad Chel that you did see red, I am sure I would have and I donāt think I would have been as polite as you.
Letās hope for a better day today.
with love
Helen
Yes people have no idea the affects of what they say. How would they even begin to understand. Feel low again today may go get my mum to have dinner and stay over today.
Good plan. Hope your day improves.
Kate xxxx
I also lost my eldest son age 51 to pancreatic cancer in april. He was diagnosed in feb and to watch him suffer so bad was the worst thing. I have ever had to witness which gives me so much pain in my heart. We were so close he helped me with my husband whi has vascular dementia my life doesnāt feel going on, I also lost my 40yr old son to suicide 5yrs ago, if it wasnt for my other 3 kids I wouldnāt be here x
Dear Wynne, you have been through so much. I cant even imagine your pain. Itās bad enough for us on this site losing one child. It doesnāt matter how old they are, they are still the children we brought into the world and cared for even into adult life.
I have no words to comfort you but this site has been a huge help to me. We are helping each other through or grief. Our Lisa was only 31 and left a 3 year old behind. Thank goodness her Daddy is the best Daddy in the world.
The little one keeps us going. I feel lost each morning when I wake up but the thought of my granddaughter gives me hope.
Kate xxx
I canāt begin to imagine the agony of losing two sonsā¦regardless of age they are still the children we brought into this world ,we loved and cared for them, and then to have them so cruelly taken from us itās agony beyond believeā¦
Take care of yourselfā¦Love Marina xx
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Hello everyone,
I hope you all are having a better day than myself.Last night I could not get off to sleep ,just kept thinking about the awful night Dawn passed away and seeing her take her last breath.i have been so good recently , but last night it would not go away. The only good ,thing today,we did have a robin in the garden that didnāt want to go.It reminded me a few days after Dawn passed, isaw my husband what I thought,talking to the ground, but in fact it was a robin at his feet . and we were convinced it was a sign from her. And that has happened quite a few times to him . Has this happened to any of you? I am seeing another medium on Saturday, and hoping to get a message this time . Helen did yougo on the website. Life after death exsperiance.? Have you noticed we have not heard from Wynne lately , hope she is alright? Lots of love to you all . Maddie xx