Dear Victoria and all dear friends,
It has been a while since I have posted and I see we have new format. I don’t know how you are feeling as we draw closer to Christmas but the feelings of panic are rising to the surface and all I want to do is runaway and hide. Time does not seem to have lessen the constant ache in my heart and not being able to hold my boy. How are you copying? Love to you all x
Victoria!, I am so pleased to see some conversations appearing at last. I felt like I was adrift on a raft in the open sea! So nice to know that you are all still out there.
I too have been down but much better this week.
I think it was to do with our not being able to see each other on a regular basis. It helps so much to know there are others like ourselves who understand.
Love to you. Hope you are feeling better too.
Kate xxx
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Its a difficult for us at this time. First xmas for me but coping through Brooke being so excited about it all.
Feeling better seeing your posts and know that we can all reach out to each other.
Strength through our online friends!
Love to you all. Kate xx
Dear Wynne and Lisa,
So good to hear from you both again!
I think you are right, Wynne. It is the thought of impending Christmas that I am struggling with and the time of year. I think sometimes we take a step backwards and have to push ourselves to move forward through the pain.
Like you, Lisa, I get so much happiness from Charlie and my other grandchildren xxx
I too have not been in a very good place this last few weeks,I think it’s because next week it’s Christians second anniversary and I cannot accept it’s two years since we last saw him… I’m reliving every day hour by hour leading up to when he left us on the 4th December…I did not think I could miss him more then I did at that time but I was wrong the longer it goes the harder it seems to get and the longing just to see and speak to him gets unbearable…I ask so many times Why…why did it have to happen and there is no answer…
Love to each and everyone …Marina xxx
Hi. I think we have all missed each other and not being able to offload our innermost feelings. Its seems it’s still early days for me but I understand that time has made the missing hurt more. For myself it was the shock and caring for Brooke and Jamie Lisa’s partner and Jemma and my husband.
I went I to over drive, making sure everyone was loved and ok and fed. Then the reality then the aching longing for my child. So so hard. I miss her so much but I am doing well after a couple of low weeks. This was also due to not being able to speak to all of you.
My heart and love goes out to all of you suffering the way I am.
Love to you. Kate xx
Hi Kate
Your quite right when you say we have missed this forum this last couple of weeks…for it is only on here that we can share our most intimate thoughts knowing that all will understand completely how each and everyone of us feel…Big hug to all for just being here and listening…xxx
So good to hear from you all. We are here for each other 24/7 and we all need that connection.
Love and strength to you all to face another day.
Kate xxx
Hello Lisa, Victoria, Wynne, Maddie & Marina,
I am so glad I have managed to work out how to use the new system with a bit of help from Priscilla, Like all of us I am starting to find that I am easily tearful just recently. I went with my mum to Tenerife just for 4 days (that was enough!) she has never been there really for me, and she just recently lost her husband he was 72 she’s 85 and yet again whilst at dinner she said losing a husband is so much worse than you losing Sam…I was absolutely devastated, shocked and for the first time rather than go back at her I went completely quiet she knew that she had overstepped the mark. The problem is now that she has lost Roy she is quite angry that she is on her own now she won’t socialise with anyone and has no friends so she keeps telling me “your my daughter” basically she is looking to me to do everything but I cant she calls in everyday she has her own little car and still drives so she will drive past my house and if my car is on the drive she calls in…never mind that I might be doing something!! Sorry to moan I think I am just a little weary…she won;t help herself or perhaps join a club so I don’t know what to do, it’s hard enough to keep going myself.
with love
Helen
Oh dear! That’s awful. I really cant see how losing a partner is worse than losing a child! Even my son in law is aware how much I must be hurting even though he has lost the love of his life.
You need your space and your Mum needs to take her grief away from you. You have too much inside you already.
Spouses and partners can move on as many do but we can never move on as there is no second chance for us.
Heartless comment from your Mother.
Thinking of you. With love Kate xx
Hi everyone. Hope you have all had a not too bad week.
I took our little Brooke swimming yesterday then after a bite to eat went to see Frozen ll. As it was 1pm we were the only 2 in the cinema. She was so delighted. What joy she brings to us all. She has started saying things about her Mummy, and though its painful for me, I know it is good for her. She told me yesterday that Daddy was going back to work soon but only 1 2 3 times as Mummy isnt here to look after me anymore so my Daddy needs to do it now and you Ganny and Aunty Jemma and Gandand as she calls him.
Very bright wee girl. Processing everything in her own way.
Dealing with this the way I should. Learning a lot from her I think.
Love to all. Kate xx
Hello Kate,
It is wonderful how the grandchildren keep us focused, Stan my grandson (he’s 5) from my elder boy is absolutely full of joy. I picked him up from school yesterday gave him his tea then took him to Tae Kwon Do for 45 minutes and he never stopped chatting to me, it was lovely.
On the 9th December, it will be 3 years since Sam passed, yet it seems like yesterday. We go to a farmhouse in Cornwall with 2 very very close friends I could not cope with being in the house on that day. I can still see it now the images will never fade Sam died here at home with all of us around him including his best friend and even now thinking about that makes me cry so it makes life a little easier if we go away. Jan and Brian have gone with us to the same farmhouse for the last 8 years, even before Sam became ill, and they have no problem in mentioning Sam in a conversation which makes life easier for me. I mentioned to Jan again what my mother had said in Tenerife abut it’s worse losing your husband you can cope with losing your children and her words were…she just doesn’t get it does she why? About 3 weeks after Sam had died and I was crying, my mum said to me its better if I don’t come down if you’re going to keep crying and promptly left. Thank god I have John.
Being a bit maudlin today, so apologies Kate.
With love Helen
My dear, you don’t have to apologise on this for anything. We are all suffering at different times at different levels. It’s so hard sometimes but easier at others.
We miss our children so much and the pain is so physical it hurts so much. I met one of Lisa’s school friends Mum today in the butchers. She hugged me and said how sad she was.
I just said I am sorry I cant do this in here. I was physically sick. I could barely speak. It is so so hard but we can get through this. We will never forget the pain but we learn to deal with it. That’s all I can say to help you.
With love to you. Kate xxx
Dear Lisa I am so glad you have your lovely Brooke to help put the smile back on your face. How can you not feel happier with our precious little ones around?
Charlie talks about his mummy too and it is bitter sweet. I just wish she was still here with him as he is such a joy.
This week I have had a strong sense of Gemma being around which I don’t normally get and I have found so comforting. I hope you have all had a good week.
Much love xxx
We don’t need to apologise! We can bare our souls here. It is ridiculous to say that losing a partner is worse than losing a child. We all know how terrible this feels and there really is nothing worse.
I too have been down some days. The start of another week is so significant to me. It hails the distance in time since we held our children. People say that time heals but for a parent I can’t really see that it will. We might be able to live longer without the black days rearing up but the void left by the loss of them will never go away.
With regards to your Mother, I would say that maybe there is a sign of dementia as my mother in law lost all sense of empathy for anyone but herself. She wouldn’t visit her dying sister, she couldn’t understand how I could give my time and heart to a young polish girl whose husband had beat her up and I got her and the children away to safety with Womens Aid. She just wanted me to run hither and thither for her and she became more and more selfish.
This, is just my opinion but from experience it sounds like the same thing. When you think about it what kind of a mother would tell her heartbroken daughter not to come round if you are going to cry all the time??
Try not to take it on board. Definitely something not right there.
Love to you, cry if you need to, I will too.
Kate xxx
Thanks kate
Right now I’m getting down I have a chest infection…and all my mum was worried about was the date on her milk I got it yesterday and the date is for today, so I rushed over worb another 3 pints up to 11th december and she started on I dont know if I can cope with you going away. I just said well it’s all booked now…you’re right she never asked about me, but that’s normal with her, to be truthful she has always been very selfish… just want to go to cornwall now out the way of her, xxxh
Oh gosh. What a woman. My friend here in the village had breast cancer just after they moved up here from Brighton. She had a mastectomy and chemo followed by radiotherapy.
Her Mum kept phoning up complaining about trivia in her life. Never once asked how she was feeling!
Shes in her mid eighties too.
You get better and get yourself the hell away from her.
She will manage. If she has enough energy to complain about silly things, she can look after herself.
Hope the phone signal is a bit dodgy in Cornwall too.
Give you some peace.xx
Hi Lisa,
Thanks for being there for me I know it sounds selfish but when I went over again she said I’ll just have to ring the hospital if Im ill so I said well if that’s what you need to do I have to go I’m picking up Stan from school and it’s 10 to three now…all my friends know what she’s like, my friend Dee goes over and cuts her hair and apparently she moans about me. You’re right the phone signal is dodgy where we are in Helston and I can have a glass of wine and yes some peace and sleep late, xxx with love Helen
Sorry Kate, called you Lisa didn’t mean to it was just your email anything lately is throwing me big time xxHelen
That’s ok. I knew you meant me.
Good that it’s a bad signal in Helston. Lovely place you are going to. We have close friends in Devon near Oakhampton and they have to use WhatsApp to contact us or the landline as there is no mobile network at all.
Yes you Mum is playing dirty saying she will call the hospital! I know that one so well too.
Go and have a lovely time and talk about Sam as if he were with you as he will be.
Much love. Safe journey to.
Kate xx