Hello Kate,
I think you’re right, Lisa is waiting for you and I know Sam will be there waiting for me. All I hope for 2020 is for the acute pain of losing our children is to lessen slightly and although there will be times when that pain is unbearable those times become less and we can think fondly and proudly of what they achieved in their life and talk about them without feeling as though someone has ripped your heart out (like now). I try so very hard all the time to be “normal” (if that’s the right word) I feel exhausted by it. Having a crappy day today…so sorry
Sounds like we are all feeling terrible today and yesterday.
It was much worse than Christmas for me.
Yes I hope too that the pain will lessen. People asked us out, Alan went there at around 10. I was already in bed. Cried so much I am totally exhausted today.
Love to you Helen. You have been such a help to me from the start. Sadly their are new Mums on this site now.
With love.
Kate xx
Dear Kate and all,
I too find New Year much harder than Christmas. I hate it now. The first one was especially hard for me as I felt as though I was moving forward into a new year and leaving Gemma behind in the old year. She has never been alive in 2019 or 2020 and I find that thought unbearable.
Gemma was always so lovely, friendly and so caring. Everyone loved her. She was forever smiling and so heartbreaking that she hid her inner torment from us all.
I hope we can all move into the new year with peace in our hearts. Much love to you all xxx
Hello to all my dear friend on this site, just wondered how you all are starting another year without our lovely daughters and sons ?, Well did get through xmas with a struggle, and just tried not to spoil anyones xmas , although inside I was dying. We did keep really busy which did help, I think that is the only way to get through it.Kate it is so good that you have your business to get you started, after neglecting it , lets hope you do well in the coming year. My nephew popped in to see us he lives in Sky and said that the nearest town was Inveness, so if we do visit you pehaps we might be able to stay at your bb. I am starting a new bereavement group on Thursday, and hope that might help, I don’t know if many people will turn up, as its the first week. Take care everyone Maddie xxx
Dear Maddie,
I was wondering how everyone is doing. Like you I struggled over Christmas but have become used to putting on a brave face and feel heartbroken that we are all starting the new year without our darling children.
I have sitting out drawers and found a notebook belonging to Gemma. She had written about a conversation that she and I had, about how we believe that people come into our lives for a reason and sometimes leave for a reason. I couldn’t stop sobbing and feeling so sad for her as she tried so hard to stay positive and keep going. Just so heartbreaking and I wish I could hold her and cuddle her one just one more time xxx
Wouldn’t we give everything to hold them again. To see their smiles and hear their laugh. I cant remember ever Lisa speaking in anger to me. She was so loving.
With love to you.
Kate xx
OH Victoria , that is so so sad , I know I have a few things of Dawns and everytime I look at them I just want to cry . I do feel really annoyed at myself, as shortly after Dawn passed her husband asked me if there was anything else I wanted , but at the time I was so over come with grief I said not at the moment, but a few months down the line we stopped talking to him and he moved on , but she had such a lovely Disney collection ,which we both loved, and now I shall never see them again, Kate it would be lovely to see you some time in the future . We have just booked another Florida holiday for May, and hoping to go to Disney where we scattered a few of her ashes in 2018 .
Lovely. I think Jamie is planning taking Brooke to Disney when she is a wee bit bigger so she can go on most things.
It will be lovely. We took Jemma and Lisa I 1994 after their Grandad had died suddenly. Lisa was only 6 but she was annoyed that she couldn’t go on everything. Jemma was 9 and tall so she was able to. Lisa even then took it in good form. She never seemed to get cross.xx
We are all here for each other always…I know that when I am having a particularly bad day it’s here on this site that I come to find the comfort and complete understanding that I need to get me through…
Love to all…Marina xxx
I can honestly say I feel the same about this site, thank goodness we found each other. Maddie, I have all of Sam’s china (he and Mathilda lived in a flat round the corner when he came back from living in Sweden) and they had to furnish it. Even then (even though I didn’t realise) I must have been grieving because he wanted to try and get a job after his first operation to get some money together. But we had a great time going round everywhere buying exactly what he and Mathilda wanted. My credit card was groaning but I didn’t care. I bought a new bed and bedroom furniture (his dad took that!) lounge furniture, curtains, towels and everything they needed. I remember we walked into Next Home and Mathilda spotted a beautiful candle holder with pieces of glass all round it and fell in love with it, but Sam said Till’s (that’s what he called her) that’s £40 too dear. But we bought it anyway and now it has an Ikea candle in it and is lit every night. So every night I use his dishes (sounds crazy) even to my own ears. But like you all just one more chance to speak to him to say love you Sam and hear him say it back, just one more cuddle…but at least I am on the downward slope now…like my friend Jan said another year closer to seeing Sammy!
With love
Dear All,
I just wanted to tell you what happened today. Charlie’s step mum walks him to school each morning but stops near the school gates and he continues on his own into class. He told me today ‘Grandma a strange thing happened on Thursday. After Sally said goodbye to me and I carried on walking to school l suddenly felt a little strange, it felt as though the air had changed and I felt as though I was walking to school with mummy as though she was walking next to me’.
Bless his heart I am so glad he felt that and wasn’t at all afraid. I don’t know to make of it, it made me sad but somehow peaceful. I just told him that was a lovely experience to have and told him again how much his mummy loved him.
I hope she was walking beside him and can still somehow be around him. I also hope you don’t all think we are completely mad but Charlie and I were just setting off on a shopping trip to the garden centre and it came completely out of the blue. xxx
Hi Victoria, this is such music to my ears. Bless Charlie, i hope he was comforted in his little heart by his experience it sounds as though he was. I’m so glad he could communicate this to you so well. It’s beautiful.
Peace and calm to all x
Dear friends. Lovely to hear this. Children are amazing.
Our little Brooke was 4 yesterday. I felt happy not sad and that surprised me. I thought I would struggle through the day but the delight on Brooke’s little face when she opened her presents was a joy to behold. She talks about her Mummy all the time as if she were right there with her.
I am sure she is. Brooke can feel that.xxx
Dear Helen the lovely thing about Charlie’s experience is that to him it felt completely natural and normal. He said ‘it felt just the same as when mummy would walk to school with me when we lived in Woodstock’.
It does give me hope and lifted my spirits.
Much love xxx
What a wonderful thing for Charlie to have experienced and to realise that Mummy is never far away, also for you too…these moments are so few that we must grasp them with both hands and cherish every moment of them… Love to you and Charlie…Marina xxx