Loss of wife

Losing a partner
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My wife and partner of 40y died unexpectedly 1 month ago now funeral in over and I am lost beyond what words can say I just cry all of the time

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Im so sorry for your loss @Steve123

You’ve done the right thing by coming on this site.
There are many of us here all in the same boat. All trying to make sense of this awful situation we find ourselves in
We do all understand and we are here to listen to and support each other. Believe me it does help.
You can post anytime, there’s always someone here to listen always someone awake.

Sending you a big hug

Liz x x

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Welcome Steve, to the club that nobody wants to join, but are very glad they did.
It’s a grim situation that we are all in. And we all hate weekends.
So sorry to hear about your wife.
I lost my husband suddenly 9 weeks ago. This site has been a great support. Hope you find the same.
Xx

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So sorry for your loss Steve. I’m 14 weeks in tomorrow after I lost my beloved partner so suddenly in April.
I’m so grateful I found this site as at least I know it’s not just me not coping very well. Our lives have been turned upside down and all our hopes, dreams and plans gone in an instant.
Please keep posting- everyone understands and no one judges. It’s been a lifeline to me.

Sending love and strength xx

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Thanks for your advice, I think this may be exactly what I need right now I need people that really understand what has happened.
My friends, colleagues and even my children who are totally devastated, don’t really understand my massive loss.

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Hi Steve.
The more you read on here the more you realise, you are not alone, at times that may not seem much of a help but what ever you are going through at a particular time, somebody here has experienced the same thing just discussing it can help take the edge off. i think I am right in this but to me the majority here have lost husbands, I also lost my wife 17 weeks ago to sudden cardiac arrest with no history or symptoms what so ever. Don’t try to stifle the emotions, learn to ignore the friends and relatives who will sympathise and/or give you advice, particularly how you should “deal” with it, “how you will get over it” “how you will heal” “how they know what you are going through” “how they can only imagine” and one of the worst" I know how you feel because I lost my goldfish last week" there are many many crass statements! they may be trying to help and understand but unless they have lost a partner themselves they have no idea what you are going through.
For what its worth, there are certain things often quoted by professionals or people who just repeat things such as there are stages you go through, not really, its just one big horrifying situation that we have to deal with, for me, grief is an extension and continuation of the love you have for your wife, you won’t get “over it”, you won’t be “healed” love cannot be got over, it cannot be healed because there is nothing to heal, its not a wound or infection! and why would you want to? the problem is the pain that runs alongside your grief, again from my viewpoint, as much as you don’t believe it at the moment, the pain you will deal with imperceptibly over time by learning to cope, as you learn to cope, the pain fills less space in your head, it will be filed but it can always open and come and bite. Finally, again my take on it, you don’t move “on” that implies (to me) that by moving on you are leaving it behind, I look on it as moving forward, taking what has happened with you, coping with it, finding comfort and hopefully being relatively calm and settled at some unknown point, sad certainly, loving certainly but not desperate and savaged by your emotions. there is no time line, just acceptance at some point, everybody is different some may measure things in months, many it will be years, maybe some it continues to be relentless, for me, there is no end just acceptance at some point.
Once again, I have rabbited on but I sincerely hope it may be of some help.
Take care, look after yourself, keep reading and posting.

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So sorry for your loss. Wise words from @swift. Everyone knows how you feel, which may or may not be a comfort right now, but you’re not alone.

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Your words are so right.
Youve put into words what I’ve been thinking.
Thankyou

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Hi Steve, I’m so sorry for your loss.

My wife passed away unexpectedly 12 weeks ago, we had been together for 29 years. I can only say is that you will find the strength to live your grief, I still often breakdown whether it is from a song on the radio or a memory. Don’t be afraid to use the support of others and this forum has been a great help. It is said that those who grief deeply have experienced deep love.

Stuart

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Thanks for the advice from Swift, I do connect with your words. In particular that love can not be got over I would never want to. I will always love her think about her and miss her.
I also lost my wife at 56 also sudden cardiac arrest no previous history of heart issues. Additionally I do think all the advice people give is not thought out very well particularly the so called stages of grief. I know I am only 5 weeks in to my journey but I only see 1 stage sadness and ongoing despair.

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Thanks to the advice from StuartC.
We were together 39years not nearly enough however there is nothing I can do to change that now
I also breakdown at least 5 times a day but do like the words those who grieve deeply experienced deep love.

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I believe the so called ‘stages of grief’ were originally used for people who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, which makes sense.
In my experience all these stages seem to appear in one day and sadly keep returning day after day, week after week.

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Youre very early days @Steve123 you know bit it is totally devasting i agree. I was married for 35 years and you cant get over it quickly. Im 19 months into this now and it gets easier but still so many challenges too :frowning: take care xx

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Thanks for the info.

I look forward to been more in control than I am at the moment. I guess it may happen in time but for now life is just i nightmare I wish I would not wake up each morning, I guess it’s the same for evryone until time passes

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Yeh … i has bereavment counselling. Really helped :slight_smile: sue ryder do it online if you think it might help ! It did me xx

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Good advice I think I will do that it can not harm thanks

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No it cant harm :slight_smile: it helped me for sure … xxx

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So sorry to here this steve

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