Lost both my parents

[Yellow3]

Hello, I lost my mum in June 2019 after she had been ill with cancer for 10 months. I was 28 at the time. My Dad was diagnosed with cancer in August 2020 and passed away in December 2023 after being unwell with liver and kidney failure for 5 months and then getting sepsis, I was 32. Im an only child and I have a very small family that I dont see very often, but I was very close to my parents. I live with my long term partner and his family have been great. Im looking to connect with others that are bereaved and anyone who is in a similar situation to myself.

[Seaneen]

Hello @Yellow3,

Thank you for reaching out. I’m so sorry for the loss of both your parents. I’m glad you have the support of your partner’s family and I really hope you find the community to be a support to you, too.

You’re mentioned that you’re looking to connect with others in similar situations so I wanted to share a few threads with you which you may wish to read, or join in posting on.

@Hay1 recently posted this thread, where other members who have sadly lost both parents shared their experiences:

Griefing my parents

Finding the loss unbearable…miss them so much and sorting their possessions is horrible… all feels like a nightmare

@PlaDeCorals lost both their parents very close together and talks about how they’re feeling here:

Recently lost both my parents

It’s taken me quite a lot of courage to write here. I recently lost both my parents, within 4 months of each other, and I feel slightly paralysed in terms of daring to let myself feel my grief. My mum and dad had been married for 66 years, were truly authentic to themselves to the end, and were intrinsically linked to everything in my life. I feel that life has become so pointless without them. My dad had cancer and long Covid, and fought a heroic battle right to his last breath. My mum seem…

Please do keep reaching out - you are not alone.

Take care,
Seaneen

[Woo4]

Hi @Yellow3 sorry to hear about your parents

I’m in a similar situation. I lost my mum in September last year, I was also only 32 years old. It feels far too young to have lost her. She had so much she still wanted to live for. I really struggle that I have so much of my life potentially to live without her. I also don’t have any other close family, like you, just my husband. He has been great. But I miss having an older relative to turn to. My mum was my best friend. I’ve felt so lost and scared since she passed. I’ve just tried to distract myself by going back to work, watching TV, reading, going for walks, talking to others. When I stop for a moment, I get so unbearably sad. I’m at exhausted too. I did have some grief therapy which vaguely helped me process my mum’s time in the hospital and her cancer. Have you tried counselling? Are you working again too?
Here if you want to talk x

[Yellow3]

Hello, @Woo4 thank you for your reply. Im so sorry to hear about your mum . It does make you feel really anxious and like you suddenly have to be an adult at a time when you need your parent/s the most. I had alot of therapy after my mum passed away as the whole 10 months she was ill was horrible. If you’re still finding things particularly difficult maybe see if you can have some more/other therapy. The thing I found most useful was actually hypnosis. I’ve just come to the end of my CBT on the NHS and now on the waiting list for some more intensive therapy. Ive been off work since October 2023, i was trying to work and support and visit my Dad as much as possible but it all got too much. Im hoping to go back to work soon but the thought of that is quite scary at the moment. Im here for you too x

[Woo4]

Hi @Yellow3. I don’t blame you for still being off work, I agree it is scary after going through so much. Take your time. I honestly would have taken longer off but had to go back for the money. It was very difficult at first, and still is a lot of the time as I’m so much more anxious now and miserable all the time, and it’s hard when I hear my colleagues talk about their mums. Particularly when they are a lot older than me, but they still have their mums, and I don’t I know it’s no ones fault, but it just feels so unfair.
I’m glad the hypnosis helped you. I’m also waiting to get CBT therapy, but have been told its a 1 year wait! I definitely think I need more therapy as it was really traumatic with my mum in the hospital. It sounds awful that you had 10 months of your mum being ill that you had to go through. My mum only found out she had cancer late, then had a stroke and struggled for 5 weeks in hospital before passing. It was so awful.
It sounds like you’d been very brave and tried to be there to support your parents even though it was so hard. I know what that’s like.
Here if you ever want to PM me xx

[Yellow3]

@woo4 That’s such a shame that you have had to go back to work before you feel fully ready. Have you had a look to see if you can get any free talking therapy from a local charity or hospice maybe? I had counselling and hypnosis though a local cancer support charity. Yes, I agree, it feels very unfair that this has happened when we are only in our 30s. That sounds awful and it must have been such a shock the fact that it all happened pretty quickly. When your finding things hard, just think what advice would your mum give you, what would she say to you. I find writing letters to my mum or dad really helpful, on particularly bad days. Happy for you to PM me too x