Hi Sam and Cheryl
Same here with my mom. She was so surprised by all of the bills that she never knew existed. Huge learning curve at the worst possible time. It takes a few months for them to adjust and then its fine going.
Ell
Hi BG,
Make sure you eat at least one healthy meal a day - make yourself even tho it looks like cardboard. Sleeping is a tough one. Youtube has alot of boring meditation music - some headsets and a dark room might help. I used it at first to try and focus on my dad, deep thoughts to keep his memory in my mind. it always ended up putting me out.
Other advice that I received is to do something new. It resets your brain. My new thing was meeting friends for tea in the morning - instead of just starting to work.
You have been through a lot.
Ell
Thank you elldubs, the last two years have been a living hell for me, I try to listen to podcasts at night so i don’t feel alone but I always wake up for hours…I’m starting to regret walking out of my job as I don’t have anything else and my dad would always say make sure your works not affected when I used to drop everything when he needed me (he was a proper work horse) just feel like he would be looking down and be disappointed x
Hi brokengirl,
Sorry to hear about your dad. We are all in the same boat and lost one of our parents within the last 7 months or so.
We are all struggling and speak every day on this site. We all agree it’s been a great comfort. My mum died in june from a brain hemorrhage. It was completely out of the blue and knocked me for six.
My dad had died 20 years earlier from a massive heart attack. Without parents I’m so lost in life. I will never get over losing mum and find life very difficult.
One thing I have picked up from this site is the number of people that say their loved one passed when they werent present. Either the hospital didnt ring them or they just popped home for a short break or they popped to a neighbour for a few minutes. Its widely thought that our loved ones di this because they want to spare us seeing them die. Your dad knew you were there for him and loved him very much. Please stop worrying about this. I was my mums best friend. We lived together, did everything together and told each other everything and yet I couldnt sit by her bedside when she was in her coma. I chose to sit in the relatives room and when I gave permission for her life support to be switched off, i didnt say goodbye, i just went home.
I have battled with this decision for months but am finally accepting that my mum would understand. She wouldn’t have wanted me to see her like that and knew how emotional I would have been.
Like ell says, now is the time to look after yourself.
Keep talking to us as well. It really helps
Cheryl x
It’s late, I’m in bed, on my phone and catching up on all the lovely messages since I last looked. I always find this to be a reflective time and although I probably shouldn’t do it, I end up looking at photos that I took recently, last year. I don’t think I’m doing myself any favours but I love seeing my mum’s smiley face again and photos is the only way I can do it now. I look at her face and think, where is she now?
Welcome Brokengirl to this lovely group of people, as has been said, it’s good to talk and help each other get through each day. I’m sorry to hear about your story and how you are coping now. I like to get out for brisk walks and listen to music while I do it. It’s something I always used to do but unfortunately I just gave up on it all and let myself go for some time after losing my mum. I had the opposite problem with food, I just ate lots of crap and gained weight. Recently I’ve got back into exercise as an attempt at having a goal and feeling more positive generally. I think it helps with sleep too.
I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend. I can’t believe how the weeks just seem to fly by. Thinking of you all. X
Hi Shaun. I find it so hard to accept that mum has gone and yet I’m not a spiritual person and I dont believe in an afterlife. I do think, once your lights are out then you are no more.
Sometimes I hope this is the case as i cant bear the thought that mum can see us living our lives and seeing how much my daughter has grown in the last 7 months.
It’s all very strange x
Im going to try and get out of bed and go for a walk on the sea front, my dads ashes are there and I feel close to him, i strongly believe in life after death as I’ve had messages from a medium which could have only been from my dad…thank you for the support guys it means so much x
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I don’t think I’m spiritual but I do wonder at the marvel of nature and life itself. Logically I agree with you and think the same way but when I look at photos of the past my emotional brain just says, huh, how can this be, she must be somewhere? Of course the honest answer is, I don’t know.
Strange yes.
It’s a sunny weekend so going to get out and enjoy the cold. Daughter is joining a treasure hunt today so should be interesting! Much prefer this weather to the usual grey, wet depressing days we’ve been used to this winter. X
I do believe in an afterlife.
Lovely, sunny weather here, although it is cold.
It’s cold and sunny here in Cornwall. Going to Tintagel castle tomorrow. Walk on beach today.
I do believe in after life but have moments where my logical brain says it’s not possible. But my cousin has been to a medium and they told her things they couldn’t have possibly known. This was 20 years ago before facebook and social media
Hi Everyone,
Shaun - I also have wondered the same thing. Where are they? I see Cheryl’s pov but also see the other thoughts as well. Science teaches us to replicate in order to prove truths. It allows for observation - only if repeatable by other observers. The afterlife presents a challenge to these comfortable understandings because there are many observations, from millions of people, but can not be replicated on purpose - even by the observer themselves.
I guess I will share some personal experiences that I can not explain, and some of my musings on them. I hope to get some in return for learning.
Many years ago, my maternal gma passed. A week or so later, someone or thing tried to speak to me in the real waking world. other people around me heard and experienced this with me. My name was repeatedly called out while on a walk with a friend. No one was around - just us. We both heard it. I looked behind and all around, no one else was there. I looked at my friend, he was scared and said we had to head back because he heard my name over and over and no one is there. That evening, my roommate took a phone message for me, and wrote my gma’s name on the message paper. Her full first and middle name - a name we never called her because she went by a nickname. A few days later, I was called to again Irl outside on the street - no one was there.
At that point, I had already been suspicious of there being something else due to a few childhood experiences - but that is for another time.
11 years ago when my paternal gma passed at 94, with whom I was quite close, before I was told of her passing, but I was aware that it was possible because she was in the hospital at the time, she pleasantly showed me that she had passed on in a dream. She was young and I did not know who she was, then she aged forward until a point of recognition, she took me to her body and showed me. We were hovering together above the floor of her hospital bed. A few hours later, my dad called to tell me that she had passed. I told him that I already knew and not to worry because she was fine and happy. As the days passed, I wondered where she was. so I found a near death experience survivors group and they explained it to me as best as they could.
While I thought it was clear then, and I have data points of observational “evidence” of something, Current situation leans to more questions. Are we just an intertwined computer with an off switch for our individual selves? If we are, then why do we care or conjure up the notion of there being more? Are we living in a perpetual motion machine which operates continuously, impartially, without consequential thought? What is going on?
Present day: When my dad passed, but hours before I knew or anyone could have known that he was gone because it was 3:44 am, I was shown something about him. The “message” was matter of factly conveyed to me with imagery of a chair and a bright light and something about him. it was received by me as scary and I didnt understand it. Nor could I use the information to “save” him because it was just some imagery and it got shut down as soon as I became terrified by it. I checked my phone but no one had called me. I didnt want to wake my parents in the middle of the night and scare them. I did debate it for a while. Then talked myself out of it. So instead, I lay awake for 2 hours, fell back asleep, checked my phone again at 8 am, No calls then so i presumed that I had a weird nightmare and just went back to sleep, then i got the call at 10 am. what was the point of me receiving that message? After he passed, i have had endless dreams that I journal. I have heard my name called out to me irl, and i had one time an intense whirling sound around my head as if there were a million flies or bees circling me - but there were none.
Which leads me to the current state of just more and more questions.
We cant reproduce these experiences or “make” them happen which in turn creates a fakeness or imaginary quality to them - even when they happen to yourself! If there is more, then why is it a secret revealed in cryptic ways?
Ell
The only thing I Can think of is if there was scientific proof then no one would want to live in the current world. But we are intended for this world and have to stay on this current path. If it were confirmed fact that there was another beautiful life where we could all be with our loved ones. Well why would we choose to stay here in this life. So for now it remains just out of reach with no real proof apart from those with experiences. I have had experiences. But even I doubt my sanity sometimes. Did I imagine that or was that real?
There is a great deal that cannot be explained. If this planet was not in this exact position in the universe we would be falling off. Life would not survive.
Hi Jooles,
I would really like to hear about ur experiences if you are comfortable sharing them.
I like your explanation and perhaps there are fundamental reasons why we exist, then we dont exist, but we might continue somewhere intangible. It just leads to more. Why are we contacted?
I wish I knew.
Ell
Those are great points and My head is spinning: Why are we the only planet with all sorts of stuff on it that we can use to make other stuff?
Why does it seem to endlessly produce resources even as we seem to deplete them?
Why are other planets so far away?
I am off to go install a closet organizer.
Ell
Hi Ell
I’ll message you. X
We cannot be the only planet with life . That’s inconceivable to me. Billions and billions and trillions more planets there has to be life somewhere else. We cannot be the only ones. Nope not at all not having it x
Elli, Jooles, I didn’t say we were the only planet with life. x
I know you didn’t. Xx
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Hi all, how is everyone doing today? Well it’s 4 weeks tomorrow and it still seems unreal. Going to take the dog on a long long walk tomorrow x