Shaun I’m so glad your wife is all clear. Sorry I hadn’t realised me banging on about cancer.
The scary thing is, the plague is still around. We might fix cancer today but there will be something else tomorrow. Our bodies are amazing but with any complex bit of machinery, things break down, it’s inevitable. If you think about it, nature doesn’t care about cancer. Biologically we exist for reproduce, raise and then die. So bearing that in mind, as far as nature is concerned, a successful life is one where a person reaches, say, 50. If you don’t live beyond that, nature doesn’t care, you’ve done your job! I think we will live longer in the future but probably not because we have evolved to live longer but more likely because we have eliminated many of the things that used to kill at an earlier age. Exciting times but we all still die, no escaping that unfortunately.
No problem Jooles, cancer is all around us, and affects so many lives. It’s good to talk about it sometimes, it’s a not a taboo subject. My wife was lucky, it turned out well but there is always that stage when you just don’t know. The stage when you find a lump etc, then you go in for tests and then you have to wait and then you go back and sit down to be told what it is. Then you go home wondering what the hell just happened and if there is a future anymore. Then there is all the horrible treatment that causes unbelievable sickness. I really feel for anyone going through it or about to go through it.
So this just reinforces my mantra now to enjoy life while you can! Health and family all the way.
Jooles/shaun.
Not much to add- just pleased that we all got to meet via this site
I honestly feel that you too, daffy, ell, tasha and others have become friends.
Reading this site every day and catching up with you guys has meant everything to me x
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And Barrie if course. I forgot Barrie
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The waiting for results is literally the worst part. It’s just hell!!! I’m so glad you had a positive outcome. It’s a dreadful thing to go through. As a parent you immediately think of your children.
Yes it’s been amazing to just chat so honestly. It’s absolutely refreshing. Think I would have gone doolally by now.
Absolutely. I don’t know any of you but I know you all very well now! The fact that we can all talk about personal stuff so openly is great. Our thoughts are feelings, it’s good to share. If anyone else is reading this and not done so already, then you are of course welcome to join in with this extraordinarily long thread!
This is good therapy. x
I think we can also see an improvement in our posts. Just a little. At the beginning we could barely string a sentence together we were so raw with grief. We have got a little better that we can talk about other things sometimes
Thanks for the mention Cheryl. Likewise, although I wish the circumstances were very different, I am pleased I joined the group. It helps to chat about things openly and it is funny how I class you all as my friend yet we have never met face to face. I think it is because we are all going through the same thing.
This is by far the roughest experience of our lives. Entirely grateful for all of you and this particular thread. I could not navigate the depth of the emotions that there are no words to describe, even as I try to define it - it eludes me. Its fear, its adrenaline, purest sadness where you look down and just weep, if you allow yourself the freedom to draw from it, you find yourself unable to stuff it back in. It is like nothing our lives have ever encountered. No one can make us normal but we as a team of grievers are doing something for each other and it all started with Sueryder. I am grateful to be a part of this group and welcome others who need this to join.
Ell
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Couldn’t agree more x
You’ve certainly all keep me sane.
At just over four months, I’m very up and down. When my Mum suddenly passed away just over four months ago, I placed her clothes which were scattered all over the house in a corner. I just couldn’t face dealing with them properly. Yesterday, I end up with a pair of trousers in my hands and immediately thought I must put this away in the wardrobe.
It dawned on my later whilst gardening. Why? She’s not going to come back and wear them!
The logic of getting rid of some stuff is becoming more realistic. I hate the harsh reality of it all.
It’s shocking how life can change.
I don’t want Mum to become a memory, but clearly that is what she will be.
On the positive side. It’s a lovely bright day here, but very cold. I intend to embrace the day. x
Daffy
Today I’m getting rid of mums wooden bookcase and display cabinet. I’m so sad doing this but they were mums, she is never going to use them, my partner and I dont particularly like them and as soon as they catch my eye as I walk past mums room, they upset me.
This is about self preservation for me. Thats why I had to get rid of mums clothes and shoes straight away. I was looking at a photo of my kitchen taken last march. Mums garden shoes are sitting by the french doors and it really upset me to see them there.
You will know when you are ready to start getting rid of stuff x
I Dad cleared everything out straight away apart from her clothes. I watched him box up all her toiletries and perfumes. Ones that I had bought her past Xmases (is that a word?). Awful thing to watch just so brutal but he needed to do it. But he can’t get rid of her clothes and had bought special covers for them as they were getting dusty. Another stark reminder!!! I suspect they will stay there now hidden in her part of the wardrobe until he moves or until he goes too. And then it will be down to me to dispose of. everytime I visit I peek inside and I can picture her in all her outfits. I have photos of her in a lot of her tops. I have taken some of her fleecy cardigans and they are here with me in a special drawer. They used to smell of her. But they don’t anymore.
Jooles
When mum died she was halfway through a large bottle of coco Chanel and a large bottle of romance.
I had bought them both for her 73 rd birthday and xmas so both were 18 months old and starting to go off. But I couldnt throw then.
I wore them every day for months until they were empty. Steve would often say to me how much of that perfume is left cheryl? It doesnt smell great!
Cheryl, Jooles and everyone on this thread.
Finally, I’ve made a start getting rid of a few bits. I’m not enjoying it, but somethings really do need to go. Mum was a hoarder, so I’ve got quite a big task ahead of me in the long run.
What an utter miserable part of life. x
I think the act of getting rid of something is much worse than not actually having it anymore. It’s that moment in time when a decision is made and you know you are never going to see that thing again. It’s painful, almost like acknowledging that mum’s life has finished. I know we have already done that but for each item it’s like a mini goodbye all over again. Once it’s done, it gets better again. I have kept a load of stuff, partly because we just needed her house empty and I wasn’t in a fit state of mind to make the right choices. I am aiming in time to go through some bits and pieces and decide with a clear head what is the best thing to do. A lot of the big stuff has been re-homed by other family members which is nice.
I remember one of the most horrible things to see as Cheryl experienced was mum’s garden garden shoes sitting by the back patio doors where she left them before going on holiday. I have a photo featuring them somewhere and it’s just sad to now see it and imagine her using them.
One of my problems is that mum was in the middle of sorting out loads of stuff - and created a big mess - before she went away and so now I feel it’s down to me to complete the task that she started.
I’m now going to fix her chest of drawers, the runners are broken on several drawers and we can’t pass it on/sell it in that condition. Why didn’t she tell me it needed fixing, who knows how long she’s put up with it like that? Shame.
Even if throw away tons upon tons of bags, there will still be a lot of Mum’s stuff left. Her shoes are still sitting under the chair downs stairs. All four pairs! I accept there a reminders everywhere, as I live in her house. I pulled out a chest a draws to dust and found one of her gloves yesterday.
I just need to create some order.
It certainly is painful throw things away. It just seems to re-enforce that she’s not here.
I’m a rather sentimental person. I’ve been know to cry when throwing away an old broken chair because of the memories!
My sister and I were clearing out Mums things last week, when I went through her makeup bag there was a tissue that she had blotted her lipstick with so it was imprinted with a little pink pair of her lips .We both pressed it to our cheek like it was a last kiss from her 
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