Hi folks brand new here, I tragically lost my fiancé and my best friend 5 months ago, he went out and walked the dog and never came back, he was found in the street less than 100 yards from the house, first I knew anything was wrong was a woman in the street came to the door asking if he was here, I walked to the bottom of the driveway and found him on the ground with the dog standing over him barking and one look and I knew he was gone. But that’s not why I’m angry, due to Covid-19 they said he tested positive so no post mortem was done and I’m so angry
I’m so sorry to hear you lost your fiancé in such sudden and shocking circumstances, and that there wasn’t a post mortem to give you some answers about his death. I’m glad that you’ve found this site, and I hope it helps a little to have somewhere to share your feelings and talk to others who understand.
There are many others here who have lost a partner and will understand some of what you are going through. For example, we have a new user here called @Lady101 who posted yesterday about losing her long-term boyfriend very suddenly while he was out on a fishing trip: Loss of my boyfriend
Please feel free to reply to that or any conversation if you see someone you would like to talk to.
I sent her a message thanks for letting me ramble on xx
Hi I’m so sorry I was out with my hubby in April walking our dogs on a lovely sunny day and he also just collapsed and died in front of our very eyes,like you never had a post-mortem or got to see him again feel so very sad sending you warmest wishes at such a difficult time .
Hi Alison 968 I am so sorry for your loss, when there are no post mortem we have no answers and it really does just make me furious, I don’t know about you but I feel stuck, robbed and don’t know how I should grieve because I don’t know what happened, take care xx
Hi Honeybee 31,
I have posted a response on the thread entitled ‘Losing my husband to covid 19’ started by Sheila 1. Apologies as this thread is probably the most appropriate.x
My fiancee was killed in a cycling accident on 9th May, minutes from home. There was no collision but the van driver & passengers (young adult males) said they found him there, lying on the verge. He somersaulted over the handlebars and broke his neck. He rode his bike most days and had competed all his life. He knew this road for 17 years and it was a straight bit.
It’s a 3.7 metre lane, the van was 2.7m so they were clearly in his way, probably didn’t see him until he took evasive action. So the verdict is accidental death and these people are living their lives whilst I’m battling to live in mine. It’s so unfair. Because there is no evidence & 3 people saying the same thing. I just can’t bear to think about if they are lying, took someone’s life and mine too. My best friend and absolute soul mate for 18 years.
Sudden death raises all sorts of complications in grief. Overcoming the shock is hard then you wish you were back in shock when you hit the black, pointless, empty stage.
Thank goodness there are people like us who know how other’s are feeling in their devastation
What horrible circumstances to loose your fiancée, @jannyb
It leaves so many unanswered questions, which can be difficult to move on from.
Firstly, I am so sorry about the circumstances in which your fiance died. It’s cruel and shocking.
I completely endorse your statement that sudden death raises all sorts of complications of grief.
However it occurs, all death involving someone who is deeply loved results in deep grief but add in the shock of losing someone suddenly and it complicates the grieving process. When my husband died last November mid conversation while out with our younger son I went into such deep shock that I have not yet emerged and I don’t think I ever will.
In your case, not knowing exactly what happened and potentially those responsible being free to live their life, it adds another dimension of injustice. It feels too much to bear and I empathize with you 100 per cent.
Although totally different circumstances, I felt that my husbands death was accepted far too readily by doctors who attended to him. It’s generally accepted that if you haven’t seen a doctor in the last 14 days before death a post mortem is required. In my husbands case his death certificate was issued with no reference to his medical history. (He died in a neighbouring health authority) . Although my son was with him, his version of what happened was dismissed. Apparently my husbands death wasn’t sudden enough to warrant investigation. Except it was because the post mortem for which I had to beg (!!)
Disproved the initial diagnosis and revealed instead a congenital condition for which our sons require screening. I cannot convey adequately how this made me feel. Not only was my husband seen as an irrelevance to those charged with his care but so too were my sons. The arrogance displayed has certainly complicated my grief.
As you say, your absolute best friend and soul mate has died and yet life goes on. I feel for you as you are torn between the initial numbness and the emptiness of reality. it’s wretched.
I have been told that shock does eventually subside but I don’t know how or when it does. It’s still such early days for you. All I can offer I’m afraid is empathy. Thinking of you.
Thank you. It’s bloody hard when you have to fight for justice and what is right when you’re trying to grieve. The bloody exhaustion is crippling me. It’s really hard to get anything done when all you want to do is sleep.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. It means a lot
The exhaustion is indescribable. It’s off the scale. At this stage your mind will never switch off even for a second. I hope in time it will ease.x