Join a club Sheila! This way you meet people
Safie x
Dear Sheila Thats why I got the excercise bike…Ive tried walking on my own and hate it so , at least Im getting some excercise.
I think stress can cause autoimmune conditions. I have had alopecia and have autoimmune thyroid disease.
My blood pressures ok and cholesterol too, but the prolapse repair was a poor job I think. Wonder what will fall apart next,
Love Sandra xx
Sheila, good luck. I bet I speak for so many of us on the forum.
You’re a good ‘un.
Hi Sheila
I hope you don’t mind me writing to you. I know it’s been a few years for you , it’s 17 months for me. I don’t really know how I have got to here. For whatever reason today I feel absolutely rubbish. I can’t speak to anyone about it. . My son has problems with his stepson, his wife has worries about it and her mums health, my other son is really busy and his wife has parent health worries. Two couples, My best friends have health problems as does their husbands . I feel that I should just put this face on all the time and today I just felt like I was In a living nightmare , beginning to wonder what the heck its all about. I never consider myself as a person that gets depressed but today it’s just been so hard trying to look for positives and trying to keep it together because everyone is up to their ears in problems so I dont want to rock the boat. I am so lonely and still can’t get my head round this new enforced life, I don’t like it at all but not sure how to put it right or should I say get a new life that I will like. I still very much feel like half of a couple but he’s not here so my head feels scrambled , I live each day as it comes but getting frustrated at pretending that I’m coping and sometimes feel like saying how it is for me and also tell them how horrid it was on the ship when my husband died but that would be selfish and cruel. Sorry for the rant I just feel sorry for myself I guess. There are so many on his forum that are havingabadtime, bless them,but just needed to vent.
well done you for booking a holiday enjoy
Jx
A friend of mine who lost her husband 2 years ago in March told me about U3A… University of the Third Age. Not sure if you have this in your area, I looked it up after my friend told me about it, and from what I can tell, there are lots of activities which you can sign up to. Haven’t done so myself as yet as I’ve loose ends to tie up regarding my retirement from practice. But I’m certainly going to check some of them out. There’s all kinds of activities, which are bound to fit some people. Just a suggestion, but perhaps worth a check. There’s no specific obligation from what I’ve heard, just a collection of varied activities to suit. ☆
I don’t know where you live but maybe you find a class for the music you want.
Also find group of young 70 year old people! Just keep looking !!
Sadie
June, venting is good!
Yes, I also have a good face and go around as all is well ,most peopje are not interested and I am not interested to share my innermost pain.
Many years ago I was going through therapy and telling the guy this problem that problem and the therapist looked me straight in the eye and said: ’ Sadie ,none of it is your problem ’ and he was right. Be supportive, compassionate but step back because it is not your problem
Lots of love
Sadie xx
So pleased I was able to help, I’d never heard of this organisation until my friend told me. Hope you get on well with this. ☆ Let me know how you get on ☆
Hi Sheila. thanks for the advice although Sorry if I misled you because nobody is leaning on me , not at all. It’s me thats conscious of not giving them more hassle when there is a lot of things going on in their extended families, I.e. serious health problems etc . My sons are good boys and I see them regularly and they phone me most evenings. I think I just feel sorry for myself but don’t want to give them anymore problems.
Regarding my good friends it’s difficult to tell them /confide about how I’m feeling because one of them is treading a similar path I did with a husband who is terminal and the other friend’s husband now has heart problems so I keep quiet about how difficult and sad I find my life is at the moment and keep the conversation to general chit chat. I know what you mean about not having someone to talk things through with though and small things seem to grow out of control especially at 3am when I can’t sleep.
You certainly went through it with your family at least it now sounds as though it’s all calm thank goodness. Good luck with your tests hope you don’t have to wait too long for an appointment.
Hugs Jx
I’m a member of U3A. I have been for years, ever since my wife insisted I join to get her out from under her feet. They have been absolutely invaluable over the past six months. I could do something different every day of the week if I wanted. I am currently a member of six different groups, 3 learning based and 3 social and visits.
I would always recommend them as a way of meeting people and of becoming involved in discussion based groups. Where I live has one of the largest organisations in Yorkshire and people come from a very wide area to join in. Most groups have many more women than men.
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Sheila, have you notice that people make many suggestions. You think it is a great idea and then a but follows… nothing is straight forward and somehow you must find a way to be able to make things possible. Sorry to sound harsh
Love
Sadie xx
For the Ilkley group there is a website which lists all the courses, frequency of meetings, and venues. All the course based groups I attend are afternoons, one in a pub, one in a church hall and one in a community centre. The ones that involve excursions by coach pick up in town, sometimes as early as 8.45. That can be a shock to my system as I usually walk in which takes 30 mins.
Most groups meet fortnightly and run to a timetable starting September. Two of my groups had waiting lists and I had to wait four months for one of them. I went on trip on Tuesday and was one of the youngest, 38 women and 6 men.
Hi June, Vent all you like .
You need to start thinking about yourself.
Back off from everybody else I m sure theres enough of them to help each other.
You havent given yourself time or space to start healing. I say healing, I dont know if thats the right word for us, but start looking out for yourself. Youre not being selfish at all, quite the opposite.
You say you cant speak to anyone about
It but you should start doing just that.
Sometimes you can appear too strong and people believe youre ok.
Tell them how youre feeling and they may take a step back. and realise that you need help too. If you dont do something soon you will.make yourself really ill.
You sound like a lovely selfless person June and youve had the worst possible thing happen to you as we all have.
None of us want this life weve been given
but its what we re stuck with.
Every day is an agony of loss.
Its been 7 and a half months for me and most days the pain seems to get worse but at least Ive not got to worry about other peoples concerns.
I dont honestly think I could cope if I did.
It takes all of my strength to get up in the morning and face another day without my love.
No more pretending June,
Love Sandra xx
Dear Sheila I m in the same boat .It costs me a tenner in a taxi to town .
Buses were every half hour now cut back to every hour.
There are plenty of buts.
Love Sandra xx
Sandra and Sheila, I understand there are so many reasons why it can be difficult if not impossible to make certain choices. On the other hand if nothing is done nothing is going to change!
Sometimes if not often it is easier to keep the situation as it is. I live in a place where buses are easily accessible and o drive and I know the difference would make in my life if my situation was different.
Didn’t want to upset anyone ! I was just trying to highlight that flexibility is needed to change a situation
Hope you have a good day
Sadiexx
There is one bus on a Thursday morning (Devizes Market Day) and one on a Saturday. That’s the bus service in my village !
Hi Sandra (and Sheila if you are reading the posts)
I know what you mean about speaking up but the times never right somehow. For a while the family didn’t tell me about their worries because they didn’t want me to be concerned but then I felt upset that they hadn’t confided in me and I was kept in the dark. So I would rather know than not.
I still,find it hard to detach myself from being half of a couple. I still do what WE would do and even the other day I had an hour to kill when the puppy was at the groomers so wandered round a clothes shop, first time for ages, and saw a cute jacket in the sale. It took me 20 seconds to home in on it and 20 minutes to decide whether to buy and time was running out and I had to get back to pick puppy up. The shop assistant said go for it you can always bring it back you’ve got 28 days. Never have I been indecisive like that. I think it’s because it’s smart and my life at the moment is supermarket shopping, the school run, dog walking and the occasional lunch with friends. I wouldn’t normally buy something for the sake of it sale or not, but I do like it and if Barry were here he would too.
Well got to get myself sorted to get on with another day. Take care thanks for getting back to me.
Love Jx
Hello all!
This life we now lead is hard! Where we live, our financial situation, even our likes and dislikes all feed into the choices we are able to make. For some of us our choices are limited by things out of our control and , always now, we have to make choices on our own which makes life even harder! One of my daughters has a habit of saying “it is as it is” which often drives me mad but is actually true! I live in a very rural area (one bus a week) and although I am lucky enough to be able to drive I can’t afford a car. My family all live in London and seldom visit (although they do ring me every now and then!). I am often lonely but I did conciously decide to live here because I had to choose between keeping my dogs or trying to rehome them… or worse! What I am trying to say is that we just have to do the best we can with what we have left and try to help whoever we can when we can.
I hope you feel better soon Sheila and, as always, hope that each of us have a better day than yesterday.
Take care x
Sheila,you have inadvertently made me buck up this morning. We have also lost our post office and butchers but still have a small village shop and I am able to drive. So I realise that even though I am still sat here in my dressing gown feeling weepy, I must count my blessings.
Hope your trip out today goes ok. Best wishes
Dear Sheila My nearest village with a supermarket is 50 mins walk. Doesnt sound a lot but I cant walk longer distances because of sciatica.
Then theres transporting it back.
So online shoppings good for me.
My doctors is in the same village and the nearest chemist.
Im not complaining about where I live now because it was our dream to move out into the sticks.
That was when I had Phil and he took me everywhere I wanted to go. He loved driving, Its just so much more difficult to do everyday things without him.
One of our songs was Whose gonna drive you home tonight.
I have to think ahead now.
My daughters coming this morning to go into town
I will give her some money for diesal, but most of the time I have to make my own way . A car is so much more convenient but for me its either taxi or bus.
I have bought myself a senior rail ticket but at the moment I havent got the confidence
to use it on my own.
I can imagine how Phil would feel if he knew I was struggling to get to places, but hes not here to recue me now.
Love Sandra xx