Dear June I hope you bought the jacket. It will give you a boost.
I am not indecisive about clothes. I know I probably have too many.
It was a standing joke with us.
He used to say, Buying something you never knew you needed?
My weakness is jumpers in winter and tops in summer.
I blame my childhood, there were 7 of us and I never had any clothes. My sisters the same. Thats our excuse anyway.
My daughter benefits, when I have a sort out which is quite often I pass them onto her.
Im sure your husband would be happy that youre treating yourself
Hi Sandra that sounds like the sort of comment my husband would have made and yes I have got it hanging upstairs . Or he would have said "Do you need it or just plain want it, " the answer is I just wanted it… Now had it been a guitar he would have said he needed it!!! Lovely banter we had, miss the ribbing and the teasing and the humour so much. We used to laugh a lot, mostly at my expense cos I’m clumsy.
Hope you’ve had a reasonable day… It been pleasantly warm which does help doesn’t it, although he would have been plotting to drive to the seaside,nearest being Whiby his favourite one. I don’t feel inclined to drive there at the moment it’s about 90 miles maybe one day I will who knows.
Hi June I also miss the banter, our private jokes. Thats just a small part of what I miss about him.
We were always at the seaside, usually north Wales. Thats where our caravan is.
I booked a 4 day break in Whitby in may yesterday. We both loved it there. My sons coming with me.
Because we dont drive, Ive booked a cottage right in the town.
Will bring back a lot if memories, but Im sure he will be with us anyway. Glad you got the jacket.
Dear Sheila Thats something I have done more than once, in one door and out of another.
Phil used to have to remind me time and again about which way to go. Anyway Ive told him now that I have a viable excuse and its called directional dyslexia.
Hes probably laughing but still worrying about me.
I do everything online. Banking, cant remember when I last went inside a bank.
Food shopping, in fact all shopping. I do all the research online first then choose the product.
Amazon deliver the next day, amazing really, never have to leave the house if you dont want to.
To get to the clinic and back in the town cost me 19. 50. I could have waited 45 mins for a bus but had been in clinic for 2 hours and wanted to get home.
Wasnt worth it to save 5 pounds.
I can only say that now because Phil left me well provided for.
Yes Sheila, I can empathise with your lack of sense of direction. I can get lost coming out of the toilets in M and S, I need doors to be labelled. I finished up in the cleaners’ cupboard last week, trying to find my way out of a pub’s toilets,
Dear Sheila After what weve had theres nothing else can possibly match up to it.
I was counting my photos of Phil today. I have fifty and I only one floor in my home.
I also have albums and boxes with more.
I love looking at his pictures . If I cant have him in the flesh at least I can look at him and remember the wonderful times we had.
Ive had the garden made more managable now so I have a small lawn and shrubs and lots of pots.
I have a few roses but would like some more. They do well in pots as well.
I planted some small narcisus and some crocus in Phils garden and theyre flowering now. Im sure he would love it
Been reading about where you all live. I used to live right out in the sticks but wouldn’t like it now. I live in a town that I disliked when I married Brian but he was born here. When we first married he promised we would move if we both sold our houses. I sold mine but he backed out and thirty years later I’m still here. It was the cause of me having a moan at him quite often. He couldn’t be bothered to move. Now I’m free to leave and this is a decision I will have to make some time or other, just not yet. We have a good bus service and I can jump on and off a bus when I go out. It’s just more awkward and expensive to get anywhere else in the country. But locally I can’t complain. I do drive and have a car. As we got older I realised that as much as I would have liked to live right out in the countryside (although I have as much open space as I need a short walk away.) It just isn’t practical with age. I don’t feel anything towards this house as I never chose it but don’t dislike it. It’s a cosy place. Brian owned it when I met him but I do feel something for our allotments and they are my saviour so don’t want to leave them. A big area but managing at the moment. Five hours working there today. I grow veg but also have flower gardens to encourage wildlife as well as herbs and two ponds and large fruit area. I love the great outdoors and rarely inside, afraid not a home bod at all. So many of us all with different lifestyles but one thing in common that brings us all together. Pity it isn’t in happier circumstances. God blessxxxx
Hi Sheila, I’m imagining your garden, I too dislike all the concrete on front gardens. So much pleasure to be had from gardening. I was a late starter, didn’t know what a spade was until I was in my thirties. My previous marriage had finished and I stood at the window looking at the mess I called a garden. Decided to try and clear it up a bit and the bug bit me. Loved gardening since. I’m guessing that,like me you find it therapeutic. Brian used to sit on our patio and read especially as he became weaker. Before that we worked on it together.When we married we was both used to having our own garden and couldn’t agree when gardening together (hence the two allotments) so we put a fence and gate across the garden and for years had our own halve’s. We purchased our own flowers, did our own designing and joked with each other about not trespassing on each others half. A few years ago we decided to take down fences and gates and join it and slowly I became the one that looked after it. He just strolled around with his cup of tea. Last year I had a couple of tree’s taken down as I could see what was going to happen and had to make the garden ‘Pat friendly’, so that I could look after it single handed, fortunately it’s not too big. Now it’s time to start sowing the veg and flower seeds, this is a time I enjoy usually but it will be a struggle this year. Brian came down the garden every morning, cup of tea in hand and took a look at what was coming up. Such an exiting time. (I know it sounds a bit sad). Allotment people can be a bit eccentric. A load of muck can be so exciting ill!!!
Hello Sandra. I also have Brian’s photo’s all over the house, though not as many as you as I have to find space for his paintings. He was a keen photographer so we always had a camera with us. So plenty of choice. I have one by the side of the bed and kiss it every night and morning. One on his pillow also. I found this one stuck on my arm this morning. One in my wallet which I look at and talk to if I’m struggling. Going to take one to our allotments with me so that he can watch me work, he’ll love that. There’s a tree with table and chairs under it. I’m putting a wooden seat by his pond and wildlife garden on the allotment. He loved this area. I will paint the seat and make it look nice so that if he visits he can have a sit down. Might sound daft but I want him to be as much a part of my life as ever. Like you I want to remember our times together and don’t care if it’s thought peculiar.
Hi Sheila. I only have a small amount of Brian’s ashes but I have them on a coffee table with his photo and a lock of his hair in a small container and at night I light candles. It gives me great comfort. I too feel jealous of whoever Brian is with now. I should be looking after him as I did for years. I wonder if he’s forgotten me or who’s looking after him now. Family do their best but they do have their own lives. I’m actually quite happy with my own space because all I really want is my Brian. No one could ever take his place in my life. Decided to sort out my son as he hasn’t been near me since the funeral. My daughter has gone back to Spain to live although I though she was moving back to England. Suddenly went, no phone call to say she had gone. Oh well. Pity we don’t all live near each other and offer support or start our own club.
Pattidot , Sheila and Sandra, was pleased to see how keep your husband’s ashes around . I have a big urn that I live in the living room and little urn that I put under his pillow in bed. Somehow it comforts me . I also light candles around the ashes even during the day if I am home.
Do you think that when we pass away we remember how life fe was here?
Today I went to see a clairvoyant! Ohhh great disappointment, half way through the session she said she couldn’t feel the energy!! I was hoping she would tell me some interesting things
Hi Pattidot Like you I have his pics everywhere. One in each coat pocket and handbag. Also one inside my phone case,
So every time I open it I kiss him.
I have to keep dusting his pics cos they get little marks where Ive kissed him so many times lol.
Im sure He wouldnt mind . I also have them either side of the bed so I can kiss him last thing at night and first thing in the morning.
Nothing you say sounds daft. I must be daft cos I still put my face on for him.
I also warm his side of the bed and then move over and tell him he can get in now cos its nice and warm.
When Im watching tv I sit next to his seat on the couch and cover his side with the throw.
I also tell him when Im going out and call him when I get back.
All these things help me to keep.him close to me.
Anything at all that brings us comfort is good ,
I have a photo of my darling Eileen inside my phone case too. It is a passport shot, black and white, for her Jan 1996 renewal, so she’d have been 51. She was renewing at the Embassy in the country we then lived, and rules about PP images were not as strict as now, so she is smiling gently, head characteristically slightly tilted.
Anyway, I had to take one of my pooches to the vets in Pewsey yesterday, and you know how it is (or should be) in the waiting room, everybody talking about their pets. A lady waiting to pay had just complimented Lulu on her prettiness and asked me about the GPS tracker on her collar. As part of my explanation I got my phone out to show her how the location and maps came up on the screen, and as I opened the phone case she spotted Eileen’s photo. “Oh, what a lovely lady” she said.
Of course I had to say, “Yes, isn’t she? She was lovely in every way. She’s my wife, my late wife. She has died.” (Excuse the tautology)
My voice cracked in the way I guess we’re all familiar with, and sympathies were quickly expressed. Nevertheless, I was so, so pleased about the unsolicited compliment this lady had made - which is why I am telling you all about it. It helps me to tell this little story, although it does rub in just what I have lost.
Dear Edwin It is a lovely pic, lovely smile .
Brought tears to my eyes when you said about replying to the lady… I know the feeling well.
Its a shame but that lovely pic wouldnt pass mustard now. No smiling allowed, everyone looking stern.
Its a shame really theres not enough smiling as it is.
I also have countless pics in my phone album. Considering he wasnt fussed about having his picture taken, I think I did pretty well.
Im so glad I kept snapping away because now his pics and my memories are all I have. I will always treasure them,
Hi sadie, How disappointing about the clairvoyant. Ive always been lucky, but dont give up, maybe try another one…
According to the mediums I have been to we do remember our past life just the same as when we were living in it.
I have scattered some of Phils ashes in our favourite places. I still have some to take to Scotland.
I have some at the side of my bed and some in a pretty urn on the mantel piece.
I am saving a little in case I want to buy some more ashes jewellery and also some to be scattered with mine when I go.
Sheila gave me that idea.
Hope youre having as good a day as you can
Sandra, my day is ok so far. In the afternoon the priest from the church I go to came to see me -,then 1 daughter popped in and another daughter will come for dinner.
Here we have a beautiful day - almost lunch he spring
Sadie xx
Hi girls, where is everyone?
No messages today
Had a good day with one of my daughters. We went boxing, had brunch, went shopping had our nails done and she came over and we had dinner together plus today was a beautiful day - just like spring
But life isn’t so simple at this moment. When I bought the new mattress I felt so sad because Jack wasn’t there with me - and also when my daughter left there is that silence that it is so awful
Actually I am feeling sorry for myself at the moment
I few so sorry that I can’t bring Jack back
Just going to bed Sadsadie but decided to see what was happening. Very quiet today, perhaps it’s been too nice to stay indoors.
I went out with the dogs walking today and went to an animal rescue centre that had an open day. Then I remembered that this time exactly last year Brian and I had gone to the same open day together. That’s all it takes isn’t it. The dogs and I sat by the river having our lunch, it was beautiful but we seem to be living in a fog, trying to get through each day as normally as possible (at least to the outside world).
I had my family over yesterday and we went to the local recreation area and the children played with the dogs. How the dogs love the children coming, they must be bored sick with just having me although I walk them miles. When they all went I felt just like you. We all have our moments to feel sorry for ourselves. Were not only grieving for our husbands, there’s our life as we knew it which has also gone. We grieve for ourselves also. Hope Sunday is a better day for you.