It was last year when I cut down the dead daffodils and suddenly realised that Iain wouldn’t see them flower again that I first broke down and cried. I had to hide in the greenhouse until I could control myself. I think I had been blanking out what I knew that he was going to die in a few months, and he did. I worked really hard for the next month or so and the garden was a picture with rhododendrons, then begonias and other flowers so that he could sit outside and enjoy it. Then one day he didn’t want to be helped outside, just sat inside in his chair and I knew it wouldn’t be long. It breaks my heart to remember those days.
I wish we had discussed it too Sadie.
Then we could have talked about everything , maybe even saying if anything happens suddenly and Im not able to say goodbye know that Ive already said it.
I would have said try and leave me clues that youre here with me,
If only Sadie,
Love Sandra xx
I
I know how you are feeling with this Cassie and it’s not easy to discuss. But I know from family experience way back that “doing something” can have terrible effects on those left behind. At the same time I can’t bear the thought of living for years in this awful state of grief with no future to live for. It all seems so pointless.
hi Debbie never felt like there was 20 years between us at all we were like to peas in a pod Darrell was amazing he knew everything about me and me about him always felt as the we were the same age was that the same with you and George x Your doctor needs to learn a few bedside manners i think how rude of himxx hope you are doing ok x love jo xxx
Im so sorry Maryjane.
That brings it all back to me about Phil.
He was so breathless with the anaemia brought on by the blood cancer .
He decided to buy a mobility scooter , so we could carry on going out.
This worked great for a while we would fit it together outside the car.
Then eventually he got too breathless for that.
He would say where shall we go today?
I would say lets stay in today.
He would say just because Im ill doesnt mean you have to stay in.
He would wait in the car while I dashed round the shops, I kept texting him making sure he was ok,
Its heartbreaking to remember that,
Love Sandra xx
hi Angie Darrell always used to say you are only as old as the wiman you feel xx as you can see he had such a sense of humour and he would tell every one that xx lol x love jo xxx
My husband was the same, he made me laugh every day and taught me so much about life and myself, I was so lucky to meet him, love him and have him in my life xx
alan was nearly 18 years older than me i was 17 when we met alan 34 he was 35 a month later the age gap was never an issue never really thought about it alan said the same to me that i kept him young alan was 83 when died but i wish he had a lot more years
Sadie, we also never discussed either of us dying when he was well though he did once say that he thought he would die before me but that didn’t open up a conversation . I guess not something you want to think about when you’re both well.
When he got the terminal diagnosis, with we thought months to live but it was only weeks, we didn’t talk about it.
A few days after the diagnosis with it obviously very much in my thoughts I tried to open a conversation by saying I really wished it wasn’t happening he just replied it was and I would have to accept it as he had. He was very stoical, I knew then that it would be wrong to talk about our past memories if he wanted to he would have but I do often wish I could have told him just how heartbroken I was to face a future without him but I guess he would have known that anyway. I don’t blame him for not wanting to talk about it though.
Xx
hi carolyn Darrell was only 69 when he passed away im so frightened to be on my own we had loads of years left together xxx love jo xx
hi shelia you obviously had a loving relationship xx Darrell still had his sense of humour right to the end xx i miss him so much the little glint in his eyes when he was going to say something funny xxx love jo xx
Sheila, I think Jack didn’t want to talk about it because he was afraid and because he didn’t want to upset me. I didn’t talk because I was a coward and I was so afraid to cry so much that it would be too much for him.
There were a few things we said : like I realised that my strength came from him. How much live there were between us and in the whole family
Ohhh I miss him !!
Sadie xx
Hi Sadie,
I too wish we’d talked more about all sorts of things but , looking back, it was never a possibility. We just carried on as if nothing was happening and, more importantly, nothing was going to happen. Paul wouldn’t talk about anything and I just wanted him to be relaxed and not stressed, so steered clear of any discussion. It seems strange now but at the time it’s what he wanted and I went along with it .
We can’t change what we did then in order to get through those awful days. So much now reminds me of that time and I can’t get past it.
X Chris
Hi Chris Its srange how a few of us avoided the issue.
I too wanted to keep things as calm as possible. We both knew that things were bad but its as if we just kept off the subject.
I suppose we still had some hope that
things could improve.
It was very frightening. We got him some sleeping tablets so he could get some sleep
Then I couldnt sleep for lustening to his breathing
Looking back I think it was the right thing to do. If we had discussed what was going to happen I think we would have gone to pieces,
Love Sandra xx
We got a scooter too - a Luggie as everything else was too big for the boot. It became too heavy to lift in and out as Iain was strong enough in his arms but his balance was bad. When we went on hol to the Lake District, which he loved, he would sit in the car as long as he had a nice view and I would go for a short walk or take photos. Awful what we all went through trying to carry on with doing “normal” things wasn’t it? xx
They were George’s exact words too lol xx
They were George’s exact words too lol xx
Same here Chris, Iain never wanted to talk about it so we never did as I didn’t want to upset him and waited for him to say things first but then he went into the hospice and I don’t know where those few days before he died went to. I wish we had talked more.
I think we all did what seemed to be the best and the kindest at the time. We still kept hoping even when all hope was gone.
No we never noticed the age difference, we were just so comfortable with each other and enjoyed the same things. In fact if anything he was far fitter and had much more energy than me. It was so sad because when he was admitted to hospital during the last couple of days he was with me, the cancer was breaking down his spine and made him quite hunched over. I am sure all the doctor’s saw was an old man, but if they had seen him just six weeks earlier he looked no where near his age and neither did he act it. I am doing okay today so far, but I have not faced bedtime yet!! Take care Debbie xx