Dear Jo Im so sorry you had to go through that.
I would pay any ammount of council tax if I could have him back.
I know what its like, as I was saying to Sheila I had a meltdown in the bank over a cheque.
I got upset yesterday because a letter came in his name to say that his mot was due soon. He wont have to worry about that anymore.
The agony never ends.
Love Sandra xx
Dear Sheila I was lucky with getting the attendance allowance.
A lovely lady from age uk came to the house to interview us. She could see how poorly Phil was but I think she was more compassionate than most.
She also got me the carers allowance.
Just as well because we had both come out of work.
Even so I felt like I was begging for that money. Yet its something weve payed for all our working lives. Phil especially never off sick, worked from when he was 15 til he had to pack in he was so ill.
As it turned out it was only for a couple of months . He never got anywhere near what he had paid in over the years, they took his pension as well,
Sorry but the system stinks for the genuine people,
Love Sandra xx
Dear Sheila I was lucky with getting the attendance allowance.
A lovely lady from age uk came to the house to interview us. She could see how poorly Phil was but I think she was more compassionate than most.
She also got me the carers allowance.
Just as well because we had both come out of work.
Even so I felt like I was begging for that money. Yet its something weve payed for all our working lives. Phil especially never off sick, worked from when he was 15 til he had to pack in he was so ill.
As it turned out it was only for a couple of months . He never got anywhere near what he had paid in over the years, they took his pension as well,
Sorry but the system stinks for the genuine people,
Love Sandra xx
Have you applied for bereavement support allowance? I did after my husband passed away in NOvember 2018. I received a lump sum of £2500 and receive £100 a month for 18 months which is a great help, it helped with the funeral. Contact the dwp. As you get benefit you should be entitled to it. I didn’t want to do it or feel up to doing it so I got a friend to help me contact them xx
I know what you are going through having had to do it all myself and I know that feeling of panic when you think you are going to faint as you feel so weak you can hardly stand up. I still get it 8 months later when something unexpected arrives in the post and I see Iain’s name on it. I don’t know when or if that will ever end.
hi sandra is us now that have got all the worry and no one to shate it with isnt it xx i was saying earlier every letter that comes through the door with Darrells name on it i cut the name and address off them and i save them all in an envelope i just cant threw them away xx xx take care love jo xx
hi Angie when i rang to inform dwp about darrell and his state penaion they asked my circumstances and said about bereavement support allowance as i still have my son at home in full time education so i got a lump sum of 3500 then i get 350 a month for 18 months think thats due tomorrow xx i think it replaced the widows pension which was for life x take care jo xx
That’s good that you receive it, angie xx
My husband got attendance allowance for a few months before he died and that was raised to the higher rate for about 12 weeks until exactly the date of his death. I then got letters from the DWP demanding repayment of any amount which had been paid into the bank account immediately following his death, up to the last penny. I was in such a state I just paid it to get one thing out of the way.
hi maryjane that was disgusting there is no compassion i was shocked as i had a letter frim dwp about Darrells PIP award he was on the higher rate for care anf mobility abd the letter said they owed Darrell money and that i had to send them my bank account details so they could pay it as i was his power of attorney and wife so they paid £228 in my bank i was surprised as they dont normally give only take away xx take care jo xxx
I also had to repay attendance allowance immediately after Paul’s death, it was very upsetting. I did find local Age UK very helpful with form filling. Because Paul was referred to the palliative team at the hospital, we had a lot of help from them as well.
It all seems so pointless now but was helpful at time.
X Chris
hi shelia im sorry i didnt mean are you ok about peter i ment with everything else being sorted x i know none of us will ever be ok with our loss cant possibly be xxx glad you have got all yours and peters home as you would both like it xxx love jo xxx
sheli i am so sorry you didnt get the help you so rightly needed and both deserved thinking of you love jo xxx
Dear Sheila I certainly do remember.
I also had a bottom drawer.we were buying things every week. We even bought our bed.
I remember how excited I was and by the time we moved in we had almost everything we needed.
The only thing we didnt have was a carpet for the front room and we had run out of money. So Phil bless him he sold his motorbike and we got a lovely carpet and enough left to put down on a rented tv
If thats not love I dont know what is.
I remember we were blissfully happy on that first night in our own little place together.
Not strictly our own. We started out in a council house. I remember when we walked down do see it. It was the first one in the street to be renovated.
We thought we had gone to heaven, everything was new.
The carpet was typical early seventies brown with big yellow flowers.
Upstairs we had blankets and a candlewick bedspread. I remember the eiderdowns.
As you say just snuggling up was wonderful.
I also remember having a knitted poodle over the loo roll. Wouldnt give it house room now. Lol
Love Sandra xx
If only we could go back and do it again.
I wouldnt change a thing except maybe the crinoline lady. lol
hi shelia i do exactly the same kiss his ashes morning and night say when i go and take jacob to college and when i get back i ait with him and have a coffee and read him the paper i always used to so im not stopping now xxx love jo xx
Hi Jo, how are you today? I have had lots of tears today. I went into work this morning and I could feel it building up before I left. I still have George’s mobile phone active because I cannot bear to lose his number, and I knew it was on because I had turned it on yesterday just to check any activity. I phoned it on my way home and listened to his voice mail and then left him a message. I am in tears now thinking about it. Stupidly I so wish he would call me back. I always kiss George’s ashes when I go in and out of the house and his photograph, and I always shout goodbye to him as I leave the house in the morning for work. Tomorrow I have to go to hospital for some punch biopsies on my skin. I am so upset because George would have always gone with me and vice versa. I know I could ask my sister but I don’t like to be high maintenance. I am also going to my best friend’s Dad’s funeral on Friday at the same place as George’s funeral was held, and then on Saturday my niece is getting married so I have to face that as well. Roll on Sunday morning when it is all over. Take care, Debbie xxx
We also got no help - no financial allowence, we paid for phisiotherapy etc etc enven tbe McMillan nurses were completely useless for us. They talk about support for the person that is sick and their family - well we had nothing ! Later I was told that when they cone to your house and the house is ok the area is ok they decide you don’t need any help
I am grateful we were in a position to look after ourselves
Sadie
Jo, it is odd the things you do! We do! I have a small urn that stays under my pillow and I hold at night , then very often light candles close to the larger urn and make a prayer or just talk to him
Funny you say you wouldn’t change anything I would change a few. I think at times I took Jack for granted and/ or got impatient for little things. I found very hard when he retired, I wasn’t used to have him around all the time
But he knew I loved him
Sadie x
Hi Debbie on and off today one minute crying next minute ok then crying again thank you for asking … i still have Darrells phone active aswell i txt him aswell xx its not stupid that you wish him to call you back think we would all wish for that… i hope you go on ok at the hospital and dont forget George will be with you every step of the way have you got anything of his that you could take with you i had a meeting today and i took a sock of Darrells and i had it in front of me in my hand all the way through the meeting they must of thought i had lost the plot but it gave me comfort and i know Darrell helped me get through it just an idea… you could do the same on Friday and Saturday might just be of some comfort he will always be with you when im not talking out loud to Darrell i talk to him in my head might sound crazy but im sure he is guiding me… just an idea with the sock … let me know how you go on tomorrow im here if you need a chat xx take care and ill be thinking about you sending love jo xxx