I went for a massage, due the miss alignment of my hip the whole left side became so tight and full of knots. And the massage has released so much of the tension in the body but also calm me down a little
Sadie xx
Dear Sadie
I was wondering where everyone was too
I suppose you can only say so much about how sad you feel ; how much you miss someone ; how upside down life is etc etc
And the words don’t make any difference . Our loved ones are still missing
Really , really wanted a chat and a hug with my husband today and you just can’t have what you want and you just have to keep doing what you’ve got to do every day . Even when I am relaxing at the end of the day I don’t feel comfortable or at peace with myself because he is missing . Everything feels wrong now . Just stuff to be got through not really enjoyed because of the undercurrent of wrongness if there is such a word !
Just can’t get into this new way of being very well at all . There’s a part of me that just will not give in to my new reality . I wish I knew how to make myself give in to it but there’s a part of me that is totally resistant to my new life without my husband .
Hoping I get past these feelings sooner or later because I just feel exhausted because of all these mixed up emotions
Sorry for the ramble but I just can’t come to terms with how muddled up I feel
Hope you are feeling better than me Sadie
Sending you lots of love
I’m off to bed now
Romy xxxxx
Hi Deb like i said before take something of Georges with you he will be walking right by your side … When Darrell passed away the funeral director was so good i went to see Darrell every day at the chapel of rest the first time i went i went in my own and derek the funeral director said do u want me to stay with you until you are comfortable i said yes i broke down when i saw him but Derek said something to me that got me through he said this is just a shell now Darrell is in your heart your head hes the air you breath hes the blood that pumps through your veins he will never ever leave you. you will think of questions for him and he will answer you in your mind and you will understand xx ive rambled a bit but i hope that brings you somebcomfort as it did me… just know that George will be with you always xx love jo
Hi Jo - I know Jack is with me - I am not so good to listen or feel his presence. I have some of his ashes in a tine urn and quite often take it with me.
We all have to learn to do new things by ourselves and I don’t like it .
My life was colourful , sunny and bright and now I have to live this new life that will have pastel colours and shades of grey
Sadie xx
hi sadie its everything isnt it going shopping watching a programme making a cup of tea ive made 2 lots of times ive shouted Darrell asking if he wants a tea or cappuccino i feel like im in a hole and every day the hole is getting deeper and wider and everything is negative … i have Darrells finger print tattooed on my wrist his ashes are were i sit all day so i can talk to him x i cuddle up to his pillow every night Before Darrell was struck down with mnd he was really handy so everywhere i look there is a constant reminder of his love here xx i can aslo see alot of Darrell in our son how he talks and some of the things he does and you can see Darrell in our granddaughter … sonetimes do you feel you are clutching at straws … love jo xx
hi shelia what a lovely photo xxx love jo xxx
Maybe we are Jo!
But I truly believe that when we die we simply don’t disappear - love is around …
sadie
hi sadie i do feel Darrell around me… it cant just me life and then nothing that cant be it … like you i dont think we just disapear xx love jo
Thinking of you Jo, and everyone else on this site. Give us strength to get though another weekend. Xx
hi cristal weekends seem to be the hardest dont they when everyone else are getting on with their happy lives and we are stuck in this nightmare xxx take care love jo xxx
1 Like
For some reason I find Fridays awful
Hi Ladies I have a locket I never take off. It contains some of Phils ashes and I wear a bracelet with a lock of his hair inside, so I know hes always wirh me,
Love Sandra xx
hi sandra thats lovely i made a memory i made memory boxes for myself our 2 children and our 2 grandchildren and the all have locks of my Darrells hair in xxx hope you are ok or as ok as can be xx sending love jo xx
Dear Lonely Thank you for you for your kind words. You have given me hope for the future, as I am trying to do differant things with friends and family but still dread going home on my own but after reading your reply maybe as time goes on I will be able to cope better Lots of Hugs Queenie
Sheila, I also died the that Jack died!
Ian here in a quiet house just thinking how can I live without Jack? How can I give meaning Tony life without him?
Life is so strange at the moment
Safie x
Hi Romy
Two phrases you use strike such a chord and fit me perfectly. ‘undercurrent of wrongness’ (I love it ) and ‘,new reality’.
Eight months now and I have moved on a bit , I don’t cry as much but feel I wear a cloak of sadness all the time.
I know I have to build something new into my life to fill the days and in recent weeks I’ve rejoined old and started some new activities and walk a lot which are a distraction and at the very time I’m involved with them I mainly enjoy them.
I’ve met and conversed with new faces but I don’t really feel any connection just attempting to make one.
I went to the cinema with a few of them in the week but it felt so wrong I was there with them and not my husband , just felt uncomfortable and because of that I didn’t really enjoy the film.
When I returned to my empty home after the fifth activity of the week and miles of walking what came into my head is why am I doing all this???
Underlying it all feels wrong and I feel it’s to cover the loneliness but at the same time think I’m trying to run away from myself!!
If I keep on doing these activities will I then become the new me, is this what and who I’m looking for. My new reality?? I don’t know if that’s who I want to be but then who else am I ?? Just a lot of clutching at straws and crazy thoughts at the moment I think.
I hope you have some nice moments and feel some comfort and peace this weekend.
We are all very much together yet so alone in our grief.
Xxx
i have been reading the post on this site for a few weeks to start with it seemed to help but now it has just made me see that there is no end to the pain of losing our husbands there is no life worth living i have 5 children 15 grandchildren 3 great grandchildren i love them all dearly but they are not alan i know i am being selfish but i do not want to live any more l am sorry i do not want to upset any one on this site as you all sound so lovely and i know you are all struggling to
Carolyn Alan would want you to be there for the rest of your family dont let him down x youve got through so much and everyone on her will offer you support… Alan left you here to look after your grandchildren and great grandchildren how would they learn how to love Alan if you aren’t there they need you to tell them what Alan was like little things he did or said that will keep his spirit alive come on Carolyn you can do this we all can just takes time, courage and support xx thinking of you here if you need to chat love jo xxx
thank you ji
Carolyn, you are right , there is no end for our longing, for our hurt and for the sadness we feel
The bereavement councellor said that we have the pain the hole and life grows around it.
I read something today that says the following " deathof the body is the start of an adventure " and “grief is the proof of our love, a demonstration of how deeply we have allowed others to touch us”
Carolyn we will survive this
Sadie x