stay on and chat im here all day and night x you are not on your own xx sending love jo x
hello sheila thank you for your reply i am 65 alan was 83 i know i have a lot to live for buy it is so hard i cant stop crying i will not do anything as that would be to hard on my family but i know i cant cope either i have got an appointment with a psychiatrist on monday and a counsellor on wednesday maybe they can help
We hurt the most because we lived the most we were there day in day out doing everything we possibly could to help them in ways no one else every could and i know they would of been so proud of us all and so grateful thats whats keeping me going along with our children and granddaughters love jo
i am going to my daughters soon a lot of the family will be there they have all been great and they are suffering as well i will talk later. thank you
Hi Debra,that must have been so tough for you to get through,hope the wedding goes ok but you will be totally exhausted after these emotional events .I’m having a difficult weekend too,it’s 10 months today since I lost my lovely,and it’s his birthday on Monday,the first without him.My counsellor has told me to do something to mark the day rather than just staying in bed.I haven’t been getting any messages coming through lately but just searched and found your conversations,does anyone know how Pat(Pattidot)is?Love to everyone Corinna xx
Corina,today we don’t have many conversations - maybe everybody is very busy - why not celebrate your husband’s birthday?
Jack’s birthday will be in 3 weeks time and we will be making a BBQ so our family will be together. Loved making BBQ s on his birthday, is not going to be easy but we want to be together that day and it is away to honour him
Sadie xx
Hi ladies kept myself busy all day come to have a soak in the bath and its hit me like a tonne of bricks wish Darrell was here to give me a hug miss him so bloody much i cant breathe x jo x
Good Jo that you were busy - and good you are having your cry. I have been busy and as I was feeling quite low I asked myself what would Jack do? So I went for a walk - sat in one of the benches we used to , had a cry and back home to do more stuff - we are so ill prepared for grief !!
Hope bath was good
Sadie xx
I have been saying to myself all day what are the most constructive things you can do to pass the time till you die …
What a way to think
But that’s how I am at the moment
All the joy has gone even though I love my children and my mum and my friends it’s just not the same
Just scrabbling around on the weekends to fill my days up hour by hour
It’s mad
And horrible
Off to cook pizza now for tea for me , chicken for my dogs and looking to see what I can watch on telly tonight as on my own
Good luck everyone for this evening and the rest of the weekend
Xxxx
theres a saying …if you dont want people to see you cry cry in the rain well theres no bloody rain today so head under bath water is going have to do xx have a peaceful evening everyone x jo xx
Romy - have a glass of wine with your pizza.
Thank god for television and Netflix .
Unusually I was all by myself today - I miss company - I need company - I wander if my cats would be happy if I indriduce a dog to our lives
All we can do is keep breathing and hope that we will be ok
Sadie xx
Glad i’ve found you all again!Just been sitting in the cemetery for ages,it seems so surreal though that this is my life now.I took the dogs for a walk near the cemetery and we had to cross a bridge which went over the dual carriageway,there was a sign up saying weak bridge,how I wished for it to collapse with me on it,but it seems i’ still here unfortunately.Thanks Sadie I will celebrate Roy’s birthday ,just me and my animals and will think about ‘us’ and the wonderful life we had together.I have got him a present and card,silly I know and there is champagne in the fridge!When we first met 30 years ago Roy used to spoil me with champagne.Hope everyone’s day has been bearable,wishing you all a peaceful evening,love Corinna xx
I have dogs and cats they get along great and I always take my dogs in the car with me and it doesn’t feel as lonely xx
Don’t keep your head under too long.Sending love and hugs xx
When did you introduce them to each other? My cats are 6 years old and the world spooks them.
How old was the dog when you got it?
Thanks
Sadie x
Yes babes
I am going to have a glass and watch some telly and ring two of my friends
My eldest daughter is going to look at a puppy tomorrow
We already have three dogs in the family but a new pup will cheer us all up
Her chickens have had chicks today too so have been to see them
New life . Cheers us all up
Hope tonight goes ok
Love Romy xxxxx
Cheers to new life and to hope
Good evening every one, got back from across the pond yesterday morning. Had a few wobbles in the run up to actually going Even wanted to turn eight around and fly straight back home as the plane landed at JFK, went with our daughter, had a really good time, Wednesday 19th, was 10 months since Alan passed away, we decided in the evening to go for a drink at the Irish Pub directly opposite our hotel. Was an emotional time for me, had lots of long talks with our daughter, laughed quite a.bit too. Drank more than was good for either of us, but I thibk it was needed at that specific time.
Did loads of walking, visited places we. missed on our last visit, everything about the whole break was good, the flights were excellent, hotel far better than the last one, apart from the street vendors trying to sell us tickets for various modes of transport, everything was brilliant. I even managed to get good tickets to see The Lion King, our daughter has always wanted to see the stage show, her birthday was on 11rh, so I got the tickets for her birthday.
The break did us both good, was just what I really needed, Alan was never far from my thoughts, every day i became aware that he wasn’t dominating my every thought. I still kept thinking about him, and he was still the first and last thing on my mind every day. We talked a lot about him, and I know he’d be proud and pleased that I had the courage to go. Alan was never a fan of the US, so the fact he wasn’t there with me didn’t create further upset.
I didn’t have one single anxiety attack whilst I was there apart from a tiny one as we were about to check out when I mislaid my room key, one other plus is that I am now free from taking tramadol. So many positive things have materialised from the trip that, at this precise moment, I feel I have some purpose and direction.
I’m not going to be complacent as tomorrow I could be back at square one, but I know life will improve, Alan will always be the centre of my world and the pain will never go away.
I am still scared for tomorrow, I am still scared of my life without Alan by my side to protect me. As I said earlier, I may be at square one tomorrow, being away helped me to get out of my comfort zone for 5 days, I survived it with the help and support of our daughter. One thing that did materialise… I could never have gone on my own, I’m not able to have solo holidays.
Hope everyone is as well as you all can be, it doesn’t go away, but I’ve found that it eases temporarily when your mind is distracted by other things, made me feel guilty a couple of times, then Alan sent me a message to enjoy the break.
The frank and emotional talk I had with our daughter, she said that her dad wouldn’t want me to stay in all the time, he’d want me to continue to live, then, she really surprised me, given the recent upsets we had, she said that I should live my life for both myself and her dad. A giant step I feel at present, but I’m not dismissing it totally.
Sorry if I’m waffling or talking total bollstwoddle.
Blessings
☆
Wel
Well done! So nice to hear you happier!!
Your daughter is right ! Alan don’t want you upset all the time
I like very much what she said about having to live life for the 2 of you!
Well done you!!
Sadie xx
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