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I think I will always feel as If h
Dear Adele, Thanks for the reply.
I will always feel as if hes lost somewhere.
I even dream that I’m searching for him and cant find him.
I suppose as we are in shock it still feels unreal.
I just hope that eventually I will find him in my dreams,
L9ve Sandra xx
Thankyou Sandra I keep looking out of the window thinking he will walk up the street im utterly heartbreakon destroyed such a empty heavy feeling of impending doom I cant take it in feel a little numb too hardly made it out of bed today we’d be out in the garden today discussing what to watch on the television later what’s for tea can’t even open the blinds I just want my soulmate back in my arms it will be six months and three weeks on Wednesday coming since my soulmate fell asleep in my arms im destroyed mentally and physically take care of yourself as much as possible Adele x
Thankyou Sandra I keep looking out of the window thinking he will walk up the street im utterly heartbreakon destroyed such a empty heavy feeling of impending doom I cant take it in feel a little numb too hardly made it out of bed today we’d be out in the garden today discussing what to watch on the television later what’s for tea can’t even open the blinds I just want my soulmate back in my arms it will be six months and three weeks on Wednesday coming since my soulmate fell asleep in my arms im destroyed mentally and physically take care of yourself as much as possible Adele x
Hi Everybody. I’m sitting in the sun in Malvern catching up on you all. It’s halfway to Devon and Cornwall. I’m going to look for myself, and hopefully will find a few fragments here and there. I looked in the Lake District, Edinburgh and Teesdale and I found a few bits there. I’ve looked for Carolyn at the same time but didn’t find anything. Just the one night here and an early start so I’m going to turn down all the party invitations.
I might go looking in Pembrokeshire next time. I’m desperate to find as much as possible of that person I once was.
Isn’t technology amazing, that I can stay in touch with the forum still. I’m ignoring the gardening, cutting the lawn, cleaning and I haven’t even brought the washing machine. How cool is that.
Hi Sandra, what a lovely story. I also have a Robin and firmly believe it’s my Brian keeping an eye on me. I have both our allotments to look after now and so often a Robin comes and lands near me and watches me intently. I talk to it and ask if I’m doing things to his liking and if he doesn’t like it then he can come and do it himself. If only. My Robin has landed on the wheelbarrow handle many times, on the compost bin I’ve been emptying and landed on a bush by the side of me. When I sit in the cemetery a Robin comes and sings to me. This is Brian, he was a singer. So perhaps we are all going mad but at least it gives us some comfort, if just for a short time. Brian always said he would come back with wings and be able to fly above everybody and look down. He also said he would always be with me and keeping an eye on what I was doing.
Love to you all Pat xx
Hi Romy.
I just wanted to put in a formal objection to that list of things we shouldn’t want and should be doing. I’m not voting for you.
Hi Jonathan I hope you have a pleasant time away me and Edward loved Edinburgh we were there last summer it was so hot a heatwave take care in my thoughts Adele x
Hi everyone, there must be something in the air today as we all seem to be down, EXCEPT YorkshireLad who is lazing in the sunshine. I got up this morning and felt that heavy load on top of me once again. After a couple of reasonable days with hope on my side I was gutted. So as usual I went out for a walk with the dogs. Caught an early bus and decided to walk back alongside the river. Sat on a bench and had a good cry hoping that would be the end of it. Not so, at the allotment as I planted on Brian’s plot the tears once again came, as this time last year he was doing it himself. Other members chatting happily and I felt nothing but doom and gloom, this is so not me. These people are kind to me and always greet me but I don’t feel I deserve their kindness when so miserable. I made myself work for nearly five hours but it was a struggle. I am hanging in there however waiting for me to come back and enjoy life again. Keep going we will get there. Pat xxx.
In my thoughts Pat your so kind x
Hi I’m Dawn I lost my amazing husband last August he was only 43 very suddenly. Life is so cruel sometimes but I find amazing strength at the love we shared which is unbreakable.
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Thanks everyone for your replies, all very welcome and helpful.
I don’t have any family apart from a sister over the Pennines and elderly father 300 miles away on the South coast.
I’m not sure if I’m better off being on my own; I don’t have to put a brave face on and tend to keep friends at arms length, and am very selective who I see, from habit really.
I don’t feel lonely but do feel alone, missing Paul.
I can’t imagine having to produce meals for visitors. You all seem so good at it and I envy your ability to keep going and being sociable, it must be a strain and a world alien to me.
Big hugs, Chris
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Go on then, rub it in. Seriously hope you manage to find a bit of yourself and have a lovely holiday. I would love to do what your doing. Used to do a lot of camping but can’t anymore. Tent and equipment now in the loft. Malvern Hills lovely spot, not far from my original part of the country before coming to the Island. What !!! no washing machine, what will you do with your smalls. ??? Pat xxxx
Dear Queenie
I sympathise with the way you feel. Yesterday marked 10 months since I lost my darling Iain, husband of over 50 years. I can’t find any interest in looking after my home any more and the garden which we both loved so much, doesn’t seem to matter now. I go round it on the verge of tears constantly, knowing how much Iain loved it and how at this time last year we sat in the sun holding hands but finding it difficult to talk because of the enormity of his cancer diagnosis for which there was no treatment. There is so much I want to tell him, so many things I want to ask him and it’s all too late. Even after 10 months I find myself sobbing and unable to bear an endless time ahead on my own.
I wish I could say to everyone that it will get better but I honestly feel it is getting worse.
Love Jacqi xx
We did tents for years often in the most remote settings. I got soft and bought a camper van years ago, and then even softer so traded it in for a new one in February. Its a bit like being home so I can be just as sad, miserable and lonely in different places. Portable grief… Whatever next. I’ve got Carolyn’s picture on the passenger seat and some of her things with me. It’s what she wanted me to do.
Yorkshirelad, eventually you will find your he person you used to be, but you can not go back to be him again.
You need to give yourself time
Sadie
That’s sweet YL.
Hi im so sorry for your loss it’s six months and three weeks on Wednesday coming since my soulmate fell asleep in my arms im utterly truamatised witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes your right it is getting worse and unbearable we too would be in the garden where we loved to sit discussing what’s for tea watch television have a kiss goodnight just those little conversations im in despair in my thoughts Adele x
Hello there Tilly. I can so relate to what you have said. Only today I was thinking that perhaps for the moment I am better off on my own. I can let my moods take over as and when and I don’t have to pretend. I keep meaning to ring friends as they have asked me to do but to be honest can’t be bothered until I feel happier in myself. Have no wish to join clubs, groups etc. I too don’t mind my own company but would give anything for Brian to be sat in his chair reading, or listening to his beloved radio. I used to get so annoyed as I like to chatter and he liked his peace and quiet and I know I annoyed him at times. Like you I just couldn’t be bothered to prepare meals for visitors although I like cooking. Happy to prepare for myself though.
My daughter lives in Spain and not very sympathetic. I let her know I was struggling a few weeks ago when not well, her reply. “Your the strongest person I know and you will get through this” she then asked for some money and after sending some she hasn’t been in touch since. My son lives near but I haven’t heard from him either. My grandson and family are just wonderful but I can’t put demands on them as they have their own life and family, so it looks as if , like you, we have to get on with it. I walk a lot and meet people for a chat, I am also a member of an allotment and once again I have plenty of company, or at least as much as I want, so not isolated. But I like to go home and lock the door and be away from the outside world. We are all different in what we want at a difficult time like this but it sounds as if you and I are handling things in a very similar way Take care Pat xxx
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I had an absolutely awful night last night. Couldn’t sleep and found myself playing his funeral music, looking at photos and asking why. It has been a lovely day here today so I have been out in the garden and my hubby would have loved it looking all trimmed and tidy and it’s filled my day but I’m looking out of the window thinking what was the point. It’s only 7pm and already I’ve got that ‘night time feeling’. What do you all do to get through the evenings? I struggle to concentrate to watch much on TV and I don’t read much. It’s so strange because if he was here we would have only just been sat on sofa watching TV.
I’ve not spoken to a soul all day. It’s been really helpful reading through everyone’s posts to see that I’m not alone in how I am feeling x