Hello De. It amazes me how many of us are suffering with exactly the same symptoms and yet no one has ever managed to find a cure for it. If someone could find one I’m sure they would make a fortune.
I think of myself as quite a strong independent person yet I am struggling as I have never struggled in my life before.
I too do tiny steps to no where and think that I am starting to climb out of the blackness and then wham!!! for no apparent reason I am cruelly shoved back down there again and I can’t for the life of me work out why.
Today I spent all day working on our allotments, I say all day because I hadn’t noticed that my watch had stopped and when I thought I had come homes at 1.30p.m. it was in fact nearly 5p.m, that was from 7.30a,m, this morning. I just never noticed. I had my usual cry while working. Wanting Brian with me as we used to be.
I too can’t function in a group or socialise properly. I wish I understood what happens to us. All the best to you also De Love Pat xxx
Hello All Reading everyone’s post helps to deal with the awful grief we all feel, I am so sorry about the physical pain some of you are feeling Pattidot with her back and poor Sadie falling over and no soulmate to comfort her. Since my Dave left me I find I have a lot of hot flushes although I am 73yrs I think it is the stress. I realise some of us are getting old but I am sure all of us when we had our soulmates we were taking care of them therefore we did not notice our own problems and at least we always had someone who would understand how we were feeling My hugs and love go to you all Queenie
Dear June. Thank you. I know exactly how you feel. I hust hope that one day we find that someghing that will bring peace and a genuine smile to our hearts although still missing our soulmates but grateful for the years we had together. (Saying that, i so much want him next to me.
Take care. De. Xx
Dear Pat.
I know how well you have done. I try to keep up with reading the forum. But i know it needs “nothing” really to go back to square one and start to pick up the pieces again.
I hope that magic moment comes to all of us one day and rebuild our new life based on our wonderful memories of the past.
Unfortunately i am quite far behind to achieving this. its just a distant wish.
For now i am glad i send the message.
Take care Pat . De xx
Sadone, it is so difficult for us to get used to. So it is not surprising we / I have all this pain
My body and my soul hurt!!
Osteopath came to see me - doctor will come tomorrow - I am tired of pain
Sadie xx
Dear Ade very sorry for your loss too. Indeed we won’t have our soulmates with us to grow old as we planned. It hurts terribly and makes any future scaring.
I honestly think that althought it depends in us to make it, it is not that easy and we have to be ready. So our six months are like just our yesterday. Thinking of you and everyone on the same boat.
Wishing all ths best. Love De xxx
Hi Pat, the osteopath came and did some adjustments, and tomorrow the doctor is coming!
All I want is to feel better! No pain
Sadie xxx
Hi thankyou for your kind words means alot im really struggling it’s very scary and does feel like yesterday in fact I was helping him eat in hospital telling him what was on the television later in the evening then he’d call me to make sure I got home okay I wish the phone would ring again so I could hear his voice tell him I love him and I’d be back before midday to help him eat and spend the whole day with him as I did for six weeks nearly it’s utterly devastating I hope tomorrow is kinder to you take care speak soon and again im sorry for your loss Adele xx
Thank you Ade for your kind thoughts and words, as you say we’ve already suffered the biggest hurt possible anything else is small by comparison.
I’ve read your posts and your pain is palpable I wish there were a way to truly help alleviate that.
Is there any of your own family, a friend or colleague that might spend some time with you to help just a little get through the day.
In spite of the fact that I tripped while walking!! I find getting out in the fresh air and walking, even for a short time, can give such a lift to your spirits. I notice that many others that post also find this. Is that something you might find of benefit, it really is worth a try.
Have as peaceful evening as is possible.
Xx
Hi thanks for your message im pleased you haven’t broke anything although I’d take any pain over a broken empty heart im really struggling with everything I have little family and we were a very self sufficient couple did everything together from shopping and gardening to walks holidays even doctors and hospital appointments we had little friends had eachother that was enough for us a few friends all understandably back to there lives husbands children nights out enjoying themselves im happy for them but I can’t bring myself to even get out of bed again I will try and walk in the future I hope I appreciate your kind words and encouragement just want him by my side as we walk what I’d do now to go downstairs and see him sitting in the chair waiting for the news and discuss our day what’s for tea watch television have a good night kiss just the safety of knowing he was by my side thankyou again I hope your grazes heal please take care of yourself and I hope the night is kinder to you and everyone else too in my thoughts Adele xx
Oh Adele, how we all long just to see our loved ones doing the very ordinary things they used to do every day. If only…
Maybe think about tomorrow and set yourself one thing to do however small. It might just let in a small chink of light that could grow day by day.
You are a very kind hearted person, sending a big hug for you this evening.
Xx
Thankyou so much for your hearfelt support I really appreciate it thankyou it means alot I’ll try my best and thankyou please be careful on your next walk too I hope tomorrow is kinder to you take care of yourself sending you a hug too thankyou in my thoughts speak soon Adele xx
Xxx
I’m sorry life it so hard for you too Ade. We were like that too - went everywhere together, content to be together and all of our generation now dead except for me and my sister’s husband. It’s not easy without friends and family to support you as I well know and for me, my daughter and son are both too concerned with their own lives to bother about mine. If I didn’t have my little cat to feed then I don’t think I would make myself get up in the mornings. Try if you can to do something each day, however small and I hope you sleep well tonight.xx
Hi thankyou for your kind words means alot I will try yes it’s hard without family and friends who are back to there normal lives with there work husbands children nights out holidays I wish them all the happyness and the best I would not wish this pain on anyone it’s utterly devastating we should be sitting with our partners watching the television talking about the day having a kiss goodnight just another long lonely silent night full of sorrow and despair take care of yourself as much as possible and thankyou again in my thoughts Adele xx
Queenie you are right, the stress makes everything so much harder to bear as we struggle to cope with our grief and still do all the things little and great that our partners used to do but now without their presence to care and comfort us just when we need it. Then physical problems just hit us ten times worse than ever before . Two years ago I felt fit and well and thought I could do whatever I needed to do. Then, just before my husband was diagnosed with the cancer I got vulvodynia and IBS and now find I can do hardly anything - even a short walk is painful and I can get some relied only when in bed. I’m 72 and feel like 90 and don’t think my husband would recognise me any more. xx
Dear Adele
Thank you for your kind thoughts
I am so sorry about the loss of your husband
My husband died unexpectedly last summer and the grief has been very difficult to deal with and still is but in a different way
I don’t cry so much or so often . I’ve realised there is no point . It won’t bring him back and it uses up a lot of my energy and I lose even more focus about what I’m supposed to be doing because we have a family business which I have had to take more of an active role in
To be honest I am starting to feel really knackered from the grief , the business, the stuff with solicitors and accountants as well as all the family obligations my husband and I used to share between us
So I miss him terribly and I am really knackered . What a combination ! But I am determined to keep calm and carry on as best I can
Have another bereavement counselling appointment tomorrow so will see how that goes
I carry my husband in my heart and my head . He is with me whenever I go and whatever I do . We have been together a long time …since 1976 and we have three lovely daughters together . Death may destroy life but it can’t wipe out all the memories and love shared together …and that is what is keeping me going . I’m doing it for him and our girls
Sending you hugs
Romy xxxxx
Dear Sadie
You need hot water bottles and you need to ice it too where it hurts …bag of peas in a tea towel. You need painkillers like cocodamol and ibuprofen gel to rub in as well
You could have stress related back pain . My friend gets that . Always has to go to chiropractor when stressed
Can one of the children come over and help you and give you what you need ?
I know it’s not the same as jack but it’s better than nothing
Let us know what the doctor says tomorrow
You could have a kidney / urine infection too cos that causes back pain ?
Maybe you should start taking cod liver oil too as it is anti inflammatory?
Anyway let us know how you get on
Romy xxxxx
Hi Romy - I was a honking about you today.
You are roght grieving is exhausting - it drains away our energy and because we feel depleted we start having ailments popping up!!
As you say we can wish and want our husbands back but won’t happen! I wished we had more time together but now all I can do is to be grateful for the time we had.
So all we can do is to put one foot in front of the other.
Hope your day was ok
Sadie xxx
Dr Romy - I am doing all the things you suggested . Also I think it is psychosomatic- I lost the support I always had, nowctgat Jack isn’t here and I don’t have his support my back also is finding harder to support my body upright
Yes - the kids have been great - the last 2 nights there is always one sleeping here, daughter in law came this afternoon preparing fruit salad and prepared lovely dinner. Tomorrow my son will work from home so he can stay with me. They are looking after me. They are also worried. One of my daughters is terrified that I will also die …
Looking forward to tomorrow and hopefully with less pain
Lots of love Dr Romy
Sadie xxxx