Hi hun thankyou for your kind words means alot it will be six months and three weeks tomorrow afternoon since my Edward fell asleep in my arms im utterly truamatised witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes all my dreams of growing old together everything my life has been blown apart taken away so cruelly and tragically your agony to hurts my heart please kerp going as much as possible your in my thoughts and prayers stay strong sending a hug from the bottom of my broken empty heart speak soon Adele I hope tomorrow is kinder to you and everyone else too xx
Dear Ade We too were content with just each other. Didnt rely on anybody else for anything.
This is why we all find it so much harder. They were our soulmates, the other half of us.
When they went it they took a big part of us with them.
I would give anything to be making two cups of tea instead of one.
I loved cooking for the two of us, we would decide what to have for our meals.
Some days we would be out for breakfast , another day lunch . We were content in each others company.
In the evening we would watch certain programmes together.
Most of those I cant bring myself to watch now.
I was the gardener but Phil would cut the grass. We would sit together on our garden swing having a moan about our work day.
He always locked up at night , checking everywhere was safe.
I have to do that now and that protected feeling has gone and I miss that so much.
I always tell him goodnight and give him a kiss . I will never recover I know that and I am trying to carry on.
Love Sandra xx
Hi Sandra im truly sorry for your loss it’s utterly devastating im heartbreakon it’s been six months and three weeks this afternoon since my Edward fell asleep in my arms im utterly truamatised witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes like you we would have breakfast or lunch out we loved going out for walks just being in eachothers company like a sunny day today we’d be out or in the garden where we always used to sit and watch the television on the evening I still haven’t been able to even turn the television on since October just on Rememberance Sunday as for a few minutes as we always payed our respects he also put the alarm om at night locked up put the chain on my heart is shattered I’d give anything to have him back in my arms again watch him enjoy hisSunday lunch or bolognese I’d make even one more kiss in the chapel of rest anything I’d do feel so desperate can’t bring myself to even open the blinds again thankyou again for your kindness take care as much as possible your in my thoughts Adele x
I do hope your back improves. When my back is bad it’s something that has come out and the chiropractor puts me back together again. I agree though that aches and pains seem to be the norm that goes with grief and stress, as if we haven’t enough to cope with. My back was terrible two years ago but when Brian became so ill last autumn I actually prayed for the strength to lift and support him. Somehow I got that strength but Brian would keep telling me to be careful he knew how sensitive the back was. My back found a renewed strength just when I needed it.
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Hi pat , I still have pain . I had a docto’s appointment today which I need d to cancel because I had so much pain. I also had a massage today which helps , plus I was given a muscle relaxant which not only relax the muscles but do help to fall asleep!! I hope I am a n the path of recovery!
When the pain was great I had a good cry! I just sobbed! I cried because my pain and I cried because I was sorry for me. I do miss Jack but now tha I don’t feel great I do miss his support , had s help. Feeling as bad as I feel his hand holding me would have helped me to feel much better !
My kids are been very helpful and I feel their anxiety! They want me well quick well quick is not going no to be
I think I will sleep well - plenty of medicine to help me to be relax haha
Take care
Sadie xx
Yes pain and grief doesn’t go together do they. I had a health scare some weeks ago and have never felt so frightened in my life, above all I worried about the safety of my dogs as I don’t get regular callers. I got my grandson to call me every day for a week to make sure the dogs were alright in case I wasn’t. Awful isn’t it.
A good night sleep at least might make you feel a bit better. I’m surprised the osteopath didn’t manage to put you on the road to a pain free existence. It sometimes does take a few days to work though. If it is muscular that is another thing and you just have to wait for it to heal itself.
I would have cried also and would certainly feel very sorry for me. We are entiteled to feel sorry for ourselves. Hope tomorrow feels better for you. Pat xxx
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Pay, the osteopath is doing the best he can! The whole weekend I was fine !! No pain nothing and I Ben when I woke Monday morning …could hardly move
Tomorrow another day! Hopefully I will feel better
Nite nite
Sadie xxx
Bodies are complicated things aren’t they ?
Hope you recover soon
Love Romy xxxxx
Sadie, how are you getting on, haven’t heard from you for a couple of days. I thought perhaps you was too busy out jogging to bother with us. !!!
Pat xxx
Dear Pay, I eish d I was jogging around!! I spent another day laying down. The physiotherapist came and did some manipulation etc what is good they all agree that is the sacroiliac joint. So now I have just to keep treatment and be gentle with me .
I imagine that I need time to recover.
In yoga the sacral chakra is connected with relationships and joy. Well both my soul and my body have pain at the sacral part of the body!!! My soul and my feel agonising pain
How was your day?
Sadie xx
This is a site I never ever dreamt I would be on but here I am five weeks down the line…You see my partner of 19 years, 17 years of living together suddenly died at home in his armchair after taking our dog to the pet groomer, with the intention of going back to collect him in one & a half hours time so his death on that fateful morning was not expected by myself nor him even though he had been suffering breathing problems and was due at some point to have open heart surgery once they sorted out his anaemia…He had recently had an iron infusion which had made his breathing a tad better but in his last fortnight I had noticed his breathing struggles were coming back…This was just another usual morning, nothing odd nor out of the ordinary otherwise he would not have driven our dog the 20-30 minute car journey, I even later phoned the pet groomer to ask if she had picked up on anything, here response was no, she eve said when he comes back to collect him he would bring some treats for her dog…To say when I found him, when I came from the office after the phone rang to see why he hadnt answered it, I had the shock of my life when I realised he was dead…I have to live with this that the one time I wasn’t there for him, ( he was always there for me, you see I have MS, was diagnosed 4 years ago on exactly the same date he died, 11th April…It was also an 11th April I lost my 15 year old dog…to say I shall dread this date for the rest of my life will be an understatement…
Jackie…
Dear Jacquie
I am so sorry for you
It is a difficult, sad and challenging time.
There isn’t much anyone can do or say to help us.
This forum allow us to say whatever we want and you know that other will understand what you feel !!
My lovely Jack died 7 months ago - I miss him everyday … grieving is a long process and we have to go through it
Sending you love
Sadie xx
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So so sorry to hear about your tragic new and your illness in my thoughts and prayers take care of yourself as much as possible Adele x
Dear Jackie
I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through
My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly last summer . There was no problem at all until he got up to go to work and suffered a cardiac arrest . I was with him . He was resuscitated and taken to hospital , had stents but died three days later in ITU after suffering further daily cardiac arrests . We were also told that he had suffered damage to his brain .
I am telling you all this in the hope that it might help you come to terms with the fact that you weren’t with him when he died
I was with my husband and despite every medical intervention he did not make it . He was 60 and had never had any cardiac issues that we knew of
You have suffered a tremendous shock . I do understand how that feels having experienced it myself
I have found this forum so helpful to me especially in the early days when the emotional pain was overwhelming,
Please post on here whenever you want
Someone will reply
Sending you big hugs and understanding
Romy xxxxx
Hello Jackie
There is nothing anyone can say to take away the pain and the utter despair you are going through at this dreadful time.
I completely emphasise with what happened as my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly when he collapsed. Our morning until the time he died was completely normal With no signs or indication of what was to happen.
I’m 15 months on from that dreadful day when I lost the love of my life and I don’t know how I got here really. My life fell apart and nothing will be the same again. But you will find that you will get through even though it’s a continual struggle. It’s all still so hard and I miss my husband so much but in time you will find you learn to accept it and keep yourself going. I’ve found people can be so kind and supportive but I’ve had to force myself to get out and join things as my husband and I did everything together.
There’s nothing anyone can say to help but talking for me helped me. All you can do now is just get through the day. So sorry for you.
Rosa
empathise Not emphasise
Thank yo so much Sadie, Adele, Romy, Rosa, hearing others stories, well makes me feel so not alone in my partners " sudden " loss on that fateful morning-mid day…to be honest on that day I had lost all track of time but it was around the 5pm that the last of the paramedics, police and coroners had left, then I was all alone…
Wher I now live 9 we had moved from a house in Bedfordshire to a parkhome in Dorset only 3 years ago due to my diagnoses of PPMS, also hoping to start a fresh life, well within 7 months we lost one of our two remaining dogs to cancer, now the remaining dog has been re-homed to a lovely couple in a larger house not too far away from where I am now living, I know he will be well cared for and have a better life than I could give him, Richard was his dog walker and the dog was closer to him than to me, you cant explain to a dog where your master has gone…Also Richards car was collected and taken back to Bedfordshire car company where he once worked in the office until he took retirement, so I am living without any dogs now, a car and Richard all this in less than 5 weeks, i feel terribly alone and isolated, I cant even get to a church,I feel that’s where I need to be, to pray and be closer to God who will see me through this…How life can change in the blink of an eye…I just want him back as we had just started to get some fun in our life, playing bingo in a church hall once a week, we both enjoyed the company with members of our own age, Richard was 74, I am 68…
I know there will be light at the end of this tunnel but, its a frightening period of my life, I am back at being completely by myself, and that is a scary feeling as I dont know what my future will now hold…will I stay or will I move back nearer my daughter, grandson and great grandson? I cant do anything at the moment, I have the solicitor business to go through…I know someone up above is guiding me every step of the way, this has been proven to me already…
Dear Jackie
I too lost my husband in almost the same way you did. He was only 60 - and was due at the drs that day for a med check - just the usual one for blood pressure etc - and I kept ringing him as I left work to see how he had got on. He had had a heart attack 23 years ago at aged 37 -but despite other circulatory problems which limited his mobility seemed fine. I look back now and see if I can see a decline and he was sometimes a little breathless - but really nothing as I think I would have pushed him to see the dr if I was really worried. And he always said to me not to worry he would act on something immediately if he felt anything was wrong. I just thought he had forgotten his phone when he went out and then my daughter who is only 24 called me on my drive home to say she had found him collapsed. I knew then - and when I got to the house the ambulance people told me he had been dead for a few hours. This was only 11 days ago - but I cannot say where those days have gone. I am fortunate in that my daughter and son have not left me alone for a minute. But I feel for her so much -that she had to find him. And I feel so guilty that I did not speak longer to him at lunchtime that day. We have one of those cctv door bells and I kept looking at him doing the mundane thing of putting the rubbish out and he looked fined. My son spoke to him that morning too - and he was absolutely fine - so it really was out of the blue. We have been together 40 years and I love him so so much - but more guilt -no kiss goodbye that day - just a bye see you later. If only…
The only time I am alone is first thing in the morning. We are all sleeping the sleep of the exhausted and drop into bed late - but I cannot sleep very long and cannot lie in the bed. I seem to need to be able to do something - I know it is because it stops me thinking. I cannot think of a future without him - oh boy does that hurt. From some of the harrowing stories on here of watching their loved ones die of cancer - our partners were the fortunate ones in that with a cardiac arrest they would not have known anything about it - but we did not get time to prepare or say goodbye. Like you we had plans for the future -the only time in our lives we have ever planned - I feel it was like a jinx really.
It does help talking to others - or at least those close to us. As for the paperwork - I am OK with that it gives me something to focus on - but lists lists and more lists as my memory seems to be in shock. I mixed up my sons birthday with the cats! It made the kids laugh - which was usually his job. Still have the funeral to get though - that I am really dreading.
Take care and talk soon.
Trishax
So sorry for you loss Jackie, this site will be very helpful and comforting for you, everyone understands completely, we are all travelling this journey of a new enforced life without our husbands/wives/partners.
It is 12 months tomorrow since my husband Alan passed away. I’d only been told by the consultant 38 hours earlier that further tests confirmed he had cancer, neither of us knew he was so poorly. We celebrated our golden wedding anniversary end of March last year, then exactly 2 months to the date I was at his funeral. 6 weeks after our anniversary he passed away. Never been ill in his life.
This month has catapulted me right back to May last year, every morning I wake up and I’m reliving the same day from last year.
I have health issues which cause problems, more so now because I’ve to do all the things Alan used to do as well as everything else. He wanted me to retire 4 years ago and I didn’t wish I had now, I’m self employed and work from home, since he passed I’ve really struggled to focus and been having up to 8 or 9 anxiety attacks every day, I’ve decided now I no longer want to continue working, I really cannot cope with it all.
I truly hope you find strength in the days ahead.
Blessings
Jen☆
Trisha…and all…
…what I cry about the most is I cant tell him how much I loved him really, we had our ups and downs but I just want him to know I did- I do love him and I am missing him and just want him back, at least so I can tell him so, he literally was my rock, he never ever let me down, he was so so reliable…
Reading others stories of losing ones partner brings it on home I am not the only one, even if others stories similar to mine brings on my crying…the sudden loss is so hard to come to terms with, when I think back my Richard had no Idea that he was going to die on that fateful morning-mid day, otherwise he would never had gotten in the car taking our dog to the pet groomers which was a good 20-30 minutes car drive away with the intention of going back soon to collect him, he had even told the pet groomer that when he comes back he would bring dog treat for her dog…
I know people- the medics-the police had said " if there is-was any consolation, at least he had died at home, it could have been in his car either taking or collecting our dog, and also they and neighbours had said, at least Richard looked very peaceful when he died…the medics never gave up on him, they worked on him for what seemed like a long time, at one point I thought they might bring him back, but sadly that wasn’t to be, if only I had stayed in that front room with him instead of taking myself into the office and on the computer, even though that was nothing out of the ordinary for me…It was only when the hone rang I went to investigate why he never answered it, I then had the shock of my life when I thought my shouting had woken him up abruptly, ( his eyes and mouth was open, ) only to realise he was not responding to me…this will forever haunt me for the rest of my life…
Jackie…